‘We’re in,’ he announced calmly. ‘Let’s get this guy on board and get moving.’
The packing up and preparation for take off were practised and smooth. Josh returned and again Mikki was left on the outskirts of the routine, simply watching.
No wonder. She had messed up, hadn’t she? Failed on the first real medical challenge that had been thrown her way.
She was a liability. Tama hadn’t wanted her on his crew in the first place and now he had good reason to resent her inclusion.
No wonder he was so focussed on his patient he didn’t spare her even a glance on the homeward journey. No surprise she wasn’t asked to assist in any medical capacity either. These guys had it sorted. Intensive monitoring, another IV line, fluids going in under pressure, a badly broken leg dressed and splinted.
She was just a passenger. An unwanted one. Present but not included, and it stirred memories Mikki had thought long buried.
They came in to land on the hospital helipad with their patient still stable and breathing well. The two paramedics were clearly satisfied with the way the job had gone. Tama seemed to have forgotten the debacle with intubation but Mikki couldn’t. She had to bite her lip and blink away a very unexpected prickle in her eyes that suggested the possibility of tears.
She was about to cry?
No way!
Mikki clenched her jaw tight as she climbed out of the helicopter to follow the stretcher. She wasn’t going to let it matter that Tama didn’t want her. That she had played into his hands by begging to go on a job and then demonstrating a very uncharacteristic lack of ability.
He’d give her another chance.
He had to.
‘HAPPY?’
‘Yeah … sure,’ Tama replied.
Josh quirked an eyebrow. ‘You should be. You don’t have to carry on with the incredibly boring stocktake.’
This was true. If it remained quiet on station he could carry on with Mikki’s training. She needed to learn how to load and unload the stretchers. How to secure sliding doors and all the medical gear and what to check before telling the pilot that ‘all was secure in the rear’.
‘Do you know how many individual components we have in IV gear alone?’
‘No.’ And Tama didn’t know why he wasn’t as happy as he claimed to be either.
‘Fourteen,’ Josh said in disgust. ‘Five different gauges of cannula, wipes, luer plugs, giving sets, Tegaderm, tape …’
Tama pushed open the door of the men’s changing room, barely registering the list. Mikki wasn’t in the kitchen end of the messroom and it was well past time they had some lunch. Where was she?
‘Then there’s four sizes of syringes and six sizes of needles on top of that,’ Josh continued, ‘and I have to count every single one of them.’ He, too, looked around the room. ‘Where’s the mouse?’
‘Dunno.’
‘She was kind of quiet when we got to the hospital. If the job had been a bit much for her, I would have expected her to feel happy to be on familiar turf, even if it wasn’t an ED she’s worked in. She didn’t look happy, though, did she?’
‘No.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t like it as much as she thought she would. She looked pretty excited when we headed off.’
‘Yeah.’ That glow had been well and truly snuffed out, hadn’t it? And Tama knew why. Having been called to check that fire officer, Josh hadn’t seen Tama take over the intubation of that difficult patient. He had no idea how tense it had been. How lucky Tama had been to succeed on his first try and how it must have made Mikki feel like she’d messed up and shown herself to be less than competent.
The wind had been taken out of the royal sails all right. Tama had demonstrated his own prowess at her expense. He should be pleased with himself. Experiencing the kind of satisfaction that had once been a dream—to prove that someone like him was just as good, if not better, than someone like her. He should be happy, dammit!
‘Coffee?’
‘Sure.’ Maybe she was still in the tiny bathroom area kept for visitors that was now deemed the female locker room. That would be it. She probably needed to touch up her mascara or nail polish or something after working rough.
I don’t do manicures.
Josh turned from where he was fossicking in the fridge. ‘And how about I nuke the leftover chow mein we put in the freezer last week?’
Tama nodded. He wasn’t bothered about what they ate. He was more bothered by how clearly he could hear Mikki’s words echoing in his head. She wasn’t into nail polish. Her hair colour was natural and she liked the size of her breasts. So there!
Tama could feel a corner of his mouth pulling sideways. Spirit like that was something he could approve of. Like the way she had punished herself keeping up with him during those pre-requisite challenges. She had been so determined to make the grade, hadn’t she? To prove she was up to the job.
Had that spirit been snuffed out, along with the glow?
OK, the glow had been irritating but that was partly because he understood it. Not that he’d ever let it show on his face like that. At least, he hoped he hadn’t, but he knew what it was like to get a shot at something you wanted badly enough to get so excited about. And he also knew what it was like to want something that badly and have it all turn to custard. To blame yourself for whatever was going wrong. He hoped Mikki wasn’t into beating herself up too thoroughly. While it might be good to have tarnished the glow a little, crushing that spirit entirely would not only be unnecessary, it could lead to repercussions. What if the boss learned that the princess was unhappy? Who would be held accountable? Him, that’s who.
Josh was pushing buttons on the microwave and Tama should have been looking forward to the food, not standing here, worrying about the mental state of an extra crew member.
The faint growling sound he emitted did not come from his empty stomach.
Josh looked over his shoulder. ‘What’s up?’
‘Just need a bit a fresh air. Be back in a minute. Don’t eat it all.’
Patting his pocket as he strode through the hangar on his way outside was automatic. Remembering that he’d packed in smoking a long time ago didn’t help alleviate the odd tension. Neither did spotting Mikki.
She’d hung her overalls back on the peg and she was just standing there, her back towards Tama. She probably had no idea how the slump of her shoulders was advertising her state of mind as clearly as her expressions did.
Tama’s need for a bit of solitude went head to head with the knowledge that he could—and should—do something to debrief their new recruit. She hadn’t seen him, however. He could slip out the back door and find a quiet spot in the sun for a minute or two.
There would be plenty of time later for some reassurance and encouragement, but Tama had hesitated and then he was lost. With a sigh, he gave in to the pull that led him away from the back door.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’
Mikki jumped.
Oh, God! What had she done wrong now?
This day had started with such promise and excitement and now it was going from bad to worse, but she wasn’t about to let Tama know how crushed she was feeling. She really didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having his doubts affirmed.
No. She knew that when the going got tough, that was when the tough had to get going. Mikki straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin before she turned to face Tama. She held his gaze and waited for whatever reprimand was coming. Ready to fight back, if necessary.
Her resolve to hold that eye contact wavered with the horrible thought that Tama could see way too much. There was something about those dark eyes that made her feel curiously defenceless. Whatever he saw, however, didn’t seem to displease him because his mouth pulled to one side in a half-smile that was distinctly disconcerting. People didn’t usually smile at you when they were about to tear you to shreds.
‘We tend to leave our overalls on for the rest of the shift after the first callout,’ he said. ‘You never know what’s coming next.’
‘We’. He’d said ‘we’ as though he considered her to be one of the crew. Mikki took a careful inward breath and dampened the flash of hope that tiny word had created. Was he patronising her in some way? Did he really expect her to believe he didn’t consider her an incompetent encumbrance after this morning’s efforts?
Employing the benefit of the doubt would have been the wise thing to do but insecurity was deeprooted. She did do her best to sound offhand, to try and pretend it didn’t matter. ‘I thought you might prefer to leave me behind next time.’
‘Why?’
‘Well …’ He knew, dammit. She could see it in his eyes. Did he expect her to describe her inability to perform a lifesaving procedure? Spell it out in excruciating detail? Mikki could feel heat creeping up from her neck and heading towards her cheeks. ‘I didn’t exactly—’
‘You did great,’ Tama interrupted, sounding as casual as Mikki had been striving for. As though it was no big deal. ‘It was a pretty full-on scene for your first callout.’
He was smiling with both sides of his mouth now and it connected to his eyes in a way that made them … warmer. It gave the impression he was being genuine but kindness seemed too much to expect. Inappropriate, somehow. Mikki could feel herself frowning as she tried to remember what had seemed so important a moment ago.
‘I’d like to have done a better job with that intubation.’
The big man actually shrugged. ‘We got there in the end.’
‘You got there.’
‘I got lucky.’ Unexpectedly, Tama’s eyes danced for a heartbeat. ‘Plus, I knew it was a pig of a job. I went down two sizes in the ET tube.’
Mikki shut her eyes for a moment, both as a distraction from that disconcerting twinkle and to berate herself. Why hadn’t she thought of that for her second attempt? With all the swelling and bleeding going on, it made perfect sense to downsize from what a patient of that build would normally need.
‘Nice job with that IV,’ Tama added. ‘We could have lost that guy if we hadn’t got fluids started soon enough. Tip someone into irreversible shock and it doesn’t matter what fancy techniques you throw in later. They’re still going to go into multi-organ failure and die.’
Mikki couldn’t help staring. He was being nice to her. But why? If she had done outstandingly well the first time they had worked together in the field she might have understood. He hadn’t been thrilled to have her on the team but if she had proved herself a valuable addition then at least acceptance, if not respect, might have been reasonable, but she hadn’t done outstandingly well. Anyone could put in an IV.
Tama was still talking about it. ‘Bit different for you, to say the least. You don’t have someone trapped in awkward positions in ED and a dozen impatient firemen breathing down your neck.’
Her mind was racing at a million miles an hour. Tama was being kind. Glossing over something he could have used to her disadvantage, even to the point of refusing to take her on missions for the foreseeable future. Instead, he was glossing over the failure and focussing on what she had achieved. It came across a bit like someone patting a child on the head and telling them they’d done well just because you could see they’d done their best.
Was it because he was responsible for training her and that schedule had a certain number of boxes to get ticked? And the sooner they were done, the sooner Tama’s involvement would be over? Maybe he didn’t care about the quality of his trainee’s work as much as getting his sentence as a mentor done and dusted.
Still … Mikki dredged up a smile and turned to unhook her overalls from the peg. This was the second chance she wanted, wasn’t it? She couldn’t afford to be over-sensitive about the motives for which it was being offered.
‘Get changed fast,’ Tama advised finally. ‘Lunch is getting cold.’
So that was that. The incident had been discussed and was to be forgotten. Mikki had been on her first callout and was that much closer to becoming an accepted crew member.
Her spirits lifted even further when her training continued after a short meal break. Mikki practised loading and unloading gear from the back of the helicopter. Hooking straps into place and checking they were secure. Easing the foot end of the stretcher into slots where it could be locked into place.
Tama was an excellent teacher. He demonstrated the task to show her what the expected skills were and then he repeated the action slowly, pausing to explain exactly what he was doing and why. Then he showed her again, at normal speed, with just a few key words to remind her of what needed to happen.
‘Unclip here. Slide. Lift. Use your legs, not your back.’
Mikki did her best but had to growl in frustration when it came to the stretcher.
‘My legs are too short. I can’t reach properly.’
‘Bend from the hips to give yourself a longer stretch. Bring one knee up and support yourself on the floor. The knees of the overalls are padded so it’s safe to kneel even at an accident site.’
‘Hey!’ Mikki could reach and push far more easily. She flipped the locking mechanism over the stretcher handle. ‘That worked.’ She beamed.
Tama was watching with what appeared to be an equal measure of satisfaction. With her performance or his advice?
‘Your legs reach the ground,’ he said blandly. ‘Just the right length if you ask me.’
It was just a moment in time. A couple of heartbeats, but it was long enough to feel too long. As though something was being said that had nothing at all to do with the task in hand.
Or was she being over-sensitive again? Reading more into the interaction with her mentor because there was something about him that was so dangerously attractive?
Mikki dragged an unwilling line of vision away. Seeking distraction. She found it way above Tama’s head. ‘What’s that?’
‘What?’ Tama turned his head.
‘That … platform thing with the ladder.’ She pointed to the far corner of the hangar’s roof.
‘It’s a simulator. For winch training. That’s a skid and that pole thing that’s folded in at the moment is a boom.’
‘So you can hang from that? In a harness?’
‘You have to do some groundwork first. Learn how to use the harnesses and work with carabiners and what hand signals mean and so on. Then we start using the simulator.’
Mikki’s upward gaze was rapt. ‘Cool!’
‘Don’t get too excited.’ His tone was a warning. ‘Not everybody gets to do winch training and it’ll be a while before I’m ready to make a decision as to whether or not you’re a suitable candidate. Months, probably.’
Mikki just nodded. She didn’t want to catch Tama’s gaze and read a reminder that she hadn’t particularly impressed him with her skills so far. The silence that fell could have become awkward but the hangar door opened in the nick of time to admit the station manager, Andy.
‘HUET tomorrow,’ he informed Tama.
‘What? That’s not supposed to be on the agenda until next month.’
‘They brought it forward. Did you not see last week’s memo? The gear’s needed somewhere else next month. There’s no need to sound quite so unenthusiastic either. You knew it was coming.’
‘Yeah … but not tomorrow! We’re on duty.’
‘Relief crew’s coming in. They’re doing their training the following day. No excuses,’ Andy ordered. ‘You know how important this is, Tama, and you know it doesn’t happen very often. We go when we’re told.’ He smiled at Mikki. ‘You get to do it, too,’ he said. ‘You’re lucky. This only happens once every couple of years. We have to get the gear flown in from Australia for this and it’s a big deal. Great opportunity for you.’
Mikki had no idea what he was talking about but the enthusiasm was contagious. She returned the smile. ‘That’s great!’
‘Tell Tama that,’ Andy ordered, heading back to his office.
‘You have no idea what he’s talking about, do you?’ Tama asked drily.
‘No.’ Mikki caught her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘Hewy?’
‘H.U.E.T.,’ Tama spelt out. ‘Stands for Helicopter Underwater Escape Training.’
‘Oh …’
‘There’s a morning of theory in the classroom and then we get to go out to that sports complex where you did the pre-requisite. There’ll be a crane beside the diving pool and it has a cage that’s designed to replicate the fuselage and seating of a helicopter.’
Mikki could actually feel the sinking sensation in her heart. ‘And it goes in the pool?’ As if it hadn’t been a big enough ask, running up and down the steps beside that pool.
‘Yep.’
‘With people inside?’
‘Yep.’
‘Wearing clothes? And helmets? In harnesses and safety belts?’
‘Oh, yeah.’
‘And we have to escape and get to the surface so we don’t drown.’
‘More than once. We get to do it vertical a couple of times and then it goes in vertical and gets flipped on one side. And while it’s not compulsory, if you really want to get the most out of the training …’ Tama’s gaze was a steady challenge ‘… you can get turned completely upside down with or without blackout goggles.’
Good grief! This sounded like a lot more than she had bargained for in her training. The fear that might come from dangling from a winch line paled in comparison. Her heart skipped a beat and picked up speed but showing Tama how nervous the prospect made her feel was not an option.
She grinned. ‘Talk about being thrown in the deep end!’
Tama didn’t return the smile. ‘This is serious,’ he told her. ‘And dangerous. You won’t be forced to participate.’
‘Sounds like an opportunity I’d be stupid to miss.’ Mikki lifted her chin. ‘I’ll give it a go. Do we take turns?’
‘No. It’s crew training. We’ll all be in the crate together.’
Tama’s expression was controlled to the point of appearing empty but Mikki had no trouble interpreting what was going on behind those dark eyes. A female crew member who panicked and made the training even more dangerous for anyone else would be more than a liability.
She would be history.
Mikki swallowed hard, aware of goose-bumps rising on her arms. She had wanted a second chance to prove herself to this man. This may be bigger and scarier than any situation she would have preferred and it might not showcase any medical skills but this was it.
And, dammit, she was going to show Tama James what she was made of.
They were almost done.
A bedraggled knot of people—Tama, Josh, Steve and Mikki—stood on the side of the diving pool. They were wearing float suits, which were like their overalls with the addition of a special lining, but enough water had seeped in over the last hour to chill them and they all shivered occasionally as they listened to the man in charge of this practical session of their HUET.
‘You’ve done well,’ he was saying. ‘I’m impressed, guys. Especially with you, Mikki, given that you’ve only just started working with choppers.’
‘Th-thanks.’ The attempt to suppress a shiver failed but Mikki was smiling as she pushed back the sopping length of her braid that was still sending a trickle of water to drip off the pads of her life jacket.
Her dive mask was pushed to the top of her head and it made her face seem smaller. Her features were as delicate and perfectly proportioned as the rest of her body, Tama realised. He also had the thought that from any kind of a distance you would have considered this to be a child playing dressup. He was close enough to see the mature and steely determination in those blue eyes, however, and so far she had lived up to whatever standard she had deemed necessary.
Mikki had exceeded his expectations, that was for sure.
She’d sat quietly, strapped into the seat, as they’d been lowered into the pool for the first time. She had remembered to hold her breath until the bubbles had cleared and that had been the only occasion she had fumbled at all with releasing her harness. She’d stayed admirably calm on the next try, managing to open the door herself when she had a turn on that side of the ‘fuselage’.
Even having the crate rotated on their last attempt hadn’t fazed her, but the real test was coming. Now, when they were cold and feeling the kind of exhaustion that came after bodies were pushed to keep releasing high levels of adrenaline. The instructor was thinking ahead as well.
‘This one’s the biggie,’ he warned. ‘Upside down. You’ve got to hold your breath, release your harness, find the door and orient yourself before you swim to the surface.’ He was looking at Mikki. ‘This isn’t compulsory, any more than the blackout goggles are. It’s your call.’
Would she do it? Tama wouldn’t blame her if she declined. She’d proved herself already as far as he was concerned. Outstandingly quick in the classroom and gutsy as hell so far in the practical.
‘Mikki?’ The instructor had moved so that he towered over the shortest member of the crew. ‘You’ve probably done enough for your first HUET. Want to call it quits for the day and get warm and dry?’
Mikki didn’t hesitate. ‘No,’ she said.
Tama exchanged a meaningful glance with Josh and mirrored the raised eyebrows but hid his grin.
Go, the mouse!
‘I want to do it,’ Mikki added firmly. ‘I’d rather find out how tough it is in a controlled environment than in some lake or out at sea.’
It was ridiculous to feel so proud of her. Puzzling, in fact. Tama knew he was frowning as he spoke up.
‘I don’t want Mikki by the door. We need someone who’s confident of opening it fast.’
‘You want that spot?’
‘Sure. I’ll have some goggles, too, thanks.’
‘Right. Let’s get into this, guys. I reckon you’ll all be pretty keen to get this over and done with.’
He wasn’t wrong.
Tama had done this before but he still felt a flutter of nerves with the lurch as the crate was swung up and then over the deep pool. Maybe those nerves were there because he had done it before. From knowing how easily panic could claw at you and how hard it could be to fight it taking hold. How incredibly disorienting it was to be upside down underwater.
His senses were heightened by wearing the blackout goggles. He could hear the shouts of people poolside, operating the machinery or just watching in fascination. He could smell the chlorine and feel the chafe of wet clothing and the heaviness of his boots.
And he could sense Mikki strapped into the seat beside his position near the door. Steve and Josh were in the front seats of this skeletal ‘helicopter’. It was just Tama and Mikki here at the back and he was even more aware of how tiny she was. Fragile? Not on your life. Vulnerable? Quite possibly. Wasn’t everybody in some circumstances?
Slowly, the crate was turned until they were upside down. Hanging in their harnesses with blood rushing to their heads and effort needed to stop limbs dangling inconveniently. For a moment, Tama regretted opting for the blackout goggles. With the next lurch that signified their descent came a real flash of concern for Mikki. He wanted to be able to see her to gauge how she was coping with hanging like this. Whether she had any idea at all that this was about to get one hell of a lot harder.
Right … now … as their heads reached water level and the downward momentum continued.
Tama remembered to keep his mouth shut and hold his breath. He may not be able to see the bubbles escaping but he could hear them and feel them. It was like being immersed in a huge effervescent drink. He waited until it was quiet and still. And in that moment of quiet, with everything totally black came something like a faint wash of panic. Not for himself. For the princess.
Because, despite the short length of their acquaintanceship, Tama knew perfectly well that Mikayla Elliot did not have a princess mentality, no matter what her background was. She was tiny but, man, she was tough. Currently a lone female in a male world. An ultimately feminine one at that. Her size gave her the pathos of the runt of the litter. Her career choice made her a maverick.
They had that in common, didn’t they? Never mind that her sheer guts had earned his genuine respect. He had the feeling there were more surprises in store with this woman and he didn’t want to miss out on any of them. Most of all, right now he didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.
With more haste than he would otherwise have employed, Tama used one hand to unclip his harness and with the other hand he reached for the door control and unlocked it. He shoved the door open. Now he should pull himself through it, turn the right way up and kick for the surface before his lungs started to really complain about the lack of fresh oxygen.
He couldn’t do it. With no vision, he couldn’t be sure that Mikki had freed herself from her harness. She’d had that momentary fumble on the first try, hadn’t she? The rocking of the crate and sounds he could hear all seemed to be generated from the space Steve and Josh were occupying.
Those sounds diminished rapidly. Within seconds, Tama instinctively knew it was just himself and Mikki left in this crate, under metres of water. He could imagine Josh and Steve breaking the surface and climbing from the pool. Joining the spectators to watch and wait for the remaining crew members. How long before they started to feel anxious? For alarm to become apparent? For someone to jump in and rescue Mikki?
Keeping one hand on the doorframe to keep himself oriented, Tama pushed back and then extended his other arm.
Feeling for Mikki. Ready to unclip her harness and haul her to safety if necessary.
It didn’t matter a damn if she needed assistance to complete this assignment. It’s what he would do for any crew member if this was for real, wasn’t it?
And, dammit, Mikki was part of his crew now.
The hand touched her just as panic threatened to turn Mikki’s brain to mush and make her cry out for help, even with the background knowledge that the action would speed up the process of drowning.
She reached out with her hand and found it grasped securely. With her other hand she finally managed to unclip her harness and wriggle free.
Tama was pulling her forward.
To safety.
Her lungs hurt. She couldn’t tell which way was up and if Tama hadn’t had hold of her hand she could have been in real trouble. His upward kick as she cleared the crate was strong enough to propel them both towards the surface but it took a fraction too long. Mikki’s lungs gave up the struggle to hold her breath a fraction too early. She took some water in with that first frantic gulp of air and began coughing and spluttering.
‘You OK, Mouse?’
Tama had his arms right around her and it took a moment for Mikki to realise she was clinging to his neck as he trod water out in the middle of the dive pool. She tried to answer but couldn’t speak yet. She tried to move but Tama’s hold tightened.
‘Be still,’ he advised calmly. ‘Get your breath back.’
There was something so gentle in that command to ‘be still’ that Mikki found herself transfixed. Almost hypnotised.
Their heads were so close.
Close enough to kiss.
Where had that come from? Involuntarily, Mikki’s gaze dropped to Tama’s mouth and desire hit somewhere deep in her belly with the kick of a mule. He had the most kissable mouth she’d ever seen. Lips that looked so soft but had such firm lines. Lines that were currently crooked with one side pulled up into a hint of a smile.
Mikki’s gaze shot up to find Tama watching her very steadily. His gaze dropped to her mouth.
Oh … Lord! Had he guessed what she’d been thinking about? And the way he was looking back at her now … was it possible he’d been thinking the same thing?
Yes.
If they’d been alone, Mikki would swear he would have kissed her at that moment. And she would have wanted him to. But they were far from alone and remembering that finally made Mikki aware of the sounds around them. The spectators’ noise level was increasing. They were clapping.
Cheering, even.
The realisation of what she had just achieved hit home. She had confronted real danger and won. That flood of adrenaline and pure excitement came from winning the challenge, didn’t it? Cheating death.
The sheer thrill of being alive. Of feeling so alive that every cell in your body seemed to be humming. It had nothing to do with the feel of Tama’s arms around her body or that tiny fantasy she’d just experienced about kissing him.
OK, maybe it had a little bit to do with that. Physical attraction was another way of making your body feel alive, but it was just the icing on the cake that had led Mikki on this career path. The pursuit of this thrill.
Mikki was still holding Tama’s gaze and … and it was like looking into a mirror.
He understood.
Here was someone else who recognised that thrill. Not reckless enough to chase it for its own sake but who could appreciate its benefits. Knew it was the most excitement life had to offer. Maybe he also shared the knowledge that, while physical attraction and fulfilment could be an added thrill, it could never be allowed to get in the way of experiencing the best.
Tama’s eyes widened and there was a flash of something more than surprise as he clearly recognised the reflection. He let her go so they could both swim to the side of the pool but the knowledge of a real connection was still there and Mikki knew it wasn’t something that was going to be broken easily.
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.