CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
EPILOGUE
‘SMILE!’
Using the rear-view mirror to paint on her lipstick, Lily could almost hear her childhood ballet teacher’s affected tones calling out for her to look happy and relaxed as she performed some excruciatingly painful manoeuvre.
And tonight’s group session was going to be excruciating—happy and positive were the absolute last things she felt this evening. Even an hour spent in front of the mirror, sweeping her blonde hair back in a smart French roll, carefully applying her make-up and dressing in her most snappy navy suit hadn’t enabled Lily to muster the confident air that usually surrounded her. No amount of power dressing was going to save her tonight! The only thing she had to show for weeks spent wrestling with banks, real-estate agents and mortgage brokers was a pounding headache and the appalling realisation that, this time, she couldn’t protect her mother.
Now she had to go in there, into the community centre, and imbue confidence, try to convince these people that they could be anything they wanted to be, could attain any goal, if only they truly set their minds to it.
She felt like a charlatan.
Dabbing a touch of concealer on a tiny pimple on her chin, Lily wished that life was so easy—that she could wave her magic wand and make problems disappear. Only problems didn’t disappear, Lily thought darkly, watching as, despite fifty dollars a dab, her pimple shone through.
Slipping off her silver thongs, Lily rummaged on the passenger floor for a pair of high-heeled sandals, slipping her feet in and doing up the thready laces, wishing she were actually taking them off—wishing that this day, this night was well and truly over.
Not that they weren’t divine.
A mere inch of suede had somehow been crafted into the softest, most divine of foot couture—accentuating her duskily painted toe-nails—the spiky heels magically elongating her ankles, somehow adding that extra oomph Lily so badly needed tonight.
‘Come on, shoes,’ Lily whispered, feeling a touch like Dorothy clicking her heels. ‘Do your stuff.’
Thick, heavy dots of rain hitting her windscreen dragged her out of her introspection and Lily knew that if she didn’t want being drenched to add to her woes, then hiding in her car wasn’t an option. The end of a long hot sultry spell that had hit Melbourne was, according to the forecast, about to be broken by a storm. Dashing across the car park, Lily just made it into the centre before the rain took hold, and as she stepped inside and saw her clients waiting for her, some standing alone and nervous-looking, as if they might flee at any moment, some mingling in groups, drinking the questionable coffee all turned to greet her as she entered. Lily’s smile wasn’t as false as she’d anticipated—she felt genuinely glad to see the familiar and new faces of people who were looking to her to help them change their lives.
‘Good evening, everyone.’ Lily glanced up at the clock, glad to see that she was ahead of schedule. ‘Carry on chatting among yourselves for a while. I’m a little early so we’ll give everyone a chance to get here before we start.’
Pulling paperwork out of her briefcase, Lily did a brief head count, ticking off the names on her list and putting out self-help brochures for the group to take away if they wished. She smiled warmly as a very new, very nervous, participant entered the room. Blushing and painfully shy, the newcomer blinked as she looked around the room, wringing her hands nervously as she stood there, and Lily’s heart went out to the stranger. She admired the huge step this woman was taking by coming tonight and immediately crossed the room to welcome her.
‘My name’s Lily,’ she said warmly, offering her hand. ‘Welcome to New Beginnings.’
‘Amanda,’ came the nervous reply. ‘I didn’t know if I needed an appointment.’
‘Not here,’ Lily said. ‘I just need you to fill in a form and then you can grab a coffee and start getting to know a few people—we really are a very friendly lot!’
Helping Amanda through the form took a little while longer than normal. Amanda, as Lily found out, had recently lost a huge amount of weight, followed by her marriage, followed by the little confidence she’d possessed, but Lily could tell that behind the shy façade was a very strong woman and one Lily couldn’t wait to see emerge.
‘Right, that’s all the paperwork done.’ Taking the clipboard from Amanda, Lily was about to suggest that she get a drink when her attention was caught by the door opening—well, not so much the door opening, more the man that was coming through it!
Her first thought was that he must be lost.
He didn’t look lost—anything other than that but men like the one appearing in the doorway did not belong at a self-help group meeting at the local community centre.
No, men like this one belonged in the middle of a glossy celebrity magazine or strutting his stuff down the catwalk, or—Lily gulped, blushing at the thought—they belonged in the giddy realms of a very private erotic dream.
She’d seen him somewhere before, Lily was sure of it, though simultaneously she doubted it because, if that were the case, surely she’d remember exactly the moment, for he was stunning.
Stunning!
Tall, long-limbed and lean with rakish good looks, his very dark brown hair, which was clearly superbly cut because as he dragged a hand through it it spiked into a perfect messy shape—his ice-blue eyes worked the room. Lean but certainly not skinny, Lily decided as he peeled off his jacket and shook the rain from it; beneath his white cotton shirt you could just tell his body was toned and muscular. His presence was so commanding it literally stopped the room, every head turning as he stood there for a moment, holding out his jacket as if he expected someone to collect it for him.
Someone did collect it for him!
Jinty, the housewife who till recently had washed down her morning cereal with a glass of vodka and orange, was first in the queue, taking his expensive jacket and hanging it on a peg as everyone else in the room, Lily included, sucked in their stomachs like a reflex action, staring in open-mouthed admiration at this Adonis who quite simply didn’t belong in suburbia.
‘Can I help you?’ Lily attempted to greet him as she would any other newcomer to the centre, by walking across to him and trying to put them at ease—not that this man appeared remotely uncomfortable. Quite literally he oozed confidence. It was Lily who was having trouble remembering how her legs worked, Lily feeling like a child in her mother’s high heels as she teetered across the room and offered her hand to this stunning stranger. ‘I’m Lily Harper.’
‘Then I’m in the right place,’ he drawled in a very well-schooled voice, ‘I’m here to join the New Beginnings Group.’
‘Oh!’ Lily blinked, and then corrected herself, trying to remember to treat him like a mortal, trying and failing not to judge, to attempt to fathom what could possibly have bought him there. ‘Well, welcome!’ She was still holding his hand, pumping it up and down as if she expected to find water! ‘I just need you to fill in a form.’
‘Sure.’
Sure, Lily repeated to herself, peeling her fingers from his hot grasp, trying not to appear flustered as she made her way to the table and handed him a clipboard with the necessary form attached. Only she was flustered—very!
He smelt divine, like walking past the aftershave counter at an exclusive department store, Lily thought as she absorbed the heavy scent he emanated, trying not to notice the piercing blue of his eyes or the chiselled planes of his impossibly handsome face. ‘Do you need a pen?’
‘Please.’ He stared at the rather grubby, very well-chewed pen that was being offered and then without a word declined, heading over to his jacket and producing one he, no doubt, deemed more suitable, before coming back to the table where Lily was now thankfully seated. The chatter in the room resumed again, but rather more subdued now, everyone’s ears on elastic, trying to hear his answers as Lily walked him through the form.
‘There’s no need to put your surname,’ Lily commented, ‘or your address, though we do ask for your postcode.’
‘Fine.’ He was sitting loosely cross-legged beside her, resting the clipboard on one long slender thigh, leaving it for Lily to guess where he was up to on the form. ‘I like your sandals, by the way.’ Somehow he managed to address the form and run an experienced eye along the length of her calves right down to her toes, which Lily felt curl on cue.
‘Thank you.’ Lily coughed, every exposed inch of flesh blushing as she tried to concentrate on the blessed form. ‘We ask for your salary range—if it falls in one of top three categories—’
‘It does,’ he interrupted.
‘Then in that case…’ Lily gave another small cough—more than anything she hated discussing money. ‘We ask if you’d consider paying towards the cost of the session—depending what category you’re in…’
‘The top one.’ He squinted at the piece of paper. ‘Easily.’
‘Then we ask you to contribute fifty dollars, but you can always pay next time if you don’t have it with you tonight, and if for some reason finding the money is a problem, please, don’t let it stop you from coming to the sessions—it really is a voluntary contribution.’
‘It’s no problem.’ He pulled out a very sleek wallet and peeled off a note.
‘I’ll write you a receipt.’
‘There’s really no need.’ He resumed filling in the form as Lily ignored him and started to fill in a receipt. ‘Tell me something.’ Thick beautiful eyebrows almost met as he frowned over at her. ‘Why, if someone is earning in the top category, would you offer for them not to pay? It doesn’t make good business sense.’
‘This isn’t a business.’ Lily smiled. ‘New Beginnings is a community-funded programme—it’s available to everyone, rich or poor. Anyway, for all I know…’ She stopped talking then, but still he stared.
‘Go on.’
‘Well, you might have just come from the casino and lost everything, your business might have collapsed. There are many reasons people find themselves at this sort of group—it certainly isn’t for me to judge your circumstances solely on the box you tick.’
‘Glad to hear it.’ He frowned down at the last bit of the form. ‘What exactly do you want to know here?’
‘Well, as the question suggests, we’re trying to find out what brought you to New Beginnings.’
‘It was suggested to me.’ He shrugged.
‘What do you hope to get out of it, then?’ Lily smiled patiently. ‘Most people are here for a reason, they’re hoping to change a part of their life or want some guidance with goal setting, to help them move onto a better one—it just helps me if I know what you’re hoping to achieve…’ Her voice trailed off as he started writing again, and she couldn’t be sure but there was a slight smirk on his mouth as, tongue clearly in cheek, he finished off the form and handed it back.
‘Thank you,’ Lily said, deliberately not peeking at what he had written, though she was aching to! ‘Here’s your receipt. Now, we’ll be moving through to the meeting room in five minutes or so. If you’d like to grab a coffee before we start, you’re very welcome.’ She pointed over to the urn, but he shook his head.
‘Just an iced water, thanks.’
He was joking, surely! But from the expression on his face he was clearly expecting her to stand up and fetch it for him, clearly very used to having people run around after him.
Well, not here!
It was Lily shaking her head now, managing not to smirk as she answered his rather derisive request.
‘There’s a water fountain at the entrance.’ She gave a very sweet smile. ‘Please, help yourself to a polystyrene cup!’
Hunter.
She stared at his extravagant handwriting, trying to glean a little more from his rather sparse summing-up on the form. He was 32 years old, he came from an exclusive city suburb and earned in excess of the top box. None of that came as a surprise—everything about him screamed of excess, from the exquisite tailoring of his suit that skimmed his sculpted body to the flash of a heavy gold watch on his wrist and the bunch of notes he’d peeled the fifty-dollar one from. Even those icy blue eyes hinted at excess, slightly bloodshot with purple smudges beneath them, and the tiny squint as he had filled in the form had Lily wondering if he was recovering from one too many nights on the town.
Hunter Myles—even though he hadn’t put his surname down, suddenly it came to her—that rather dangerous face placed now. He was a brilliant financier—not that Lily read the business pages much, she only skimmed through them if they’d moved her horoscope—but Hunter Myles had become somewhat the darling of housewives everywhere, writing the odd quirky little piece in magazines and offering share tips that over and over had proven golden. And now he appeared occasionally on breakfast television and regularly in all the social pages—a loose cannon in the staid world of finance, his party lifestyle legendary in the last year or so since…Lily frowned in concentration. There had been some tragedy, some accident, something that had sent him skidding off the rails in such spectacular style…Oh, what was it, now? And what, Lily wondered, was he hoping to achieve from New Beginnings? Staring at the form, Lily raised a neatly plucked eyebrow.
Inner peace!
Oh, his tongue had been firmly in cheek as he’d written it. Lily had seen the smirk on his face, known that he was being glib—but there was one tiny chink in his impressive armor that she’d noticed, manicured but undoubtedly bitten nails had drummed on the table as he’d spoken and there had been a restless energy that had belied his confident stance. He might have been joking when he’d written it but, like everyone else, maybe inner peace was what Hunter was seeking.
‘Welcome, everyone.’ Lily beamed around the meeting room. ‘Tonight we have two new members—Amanda and Hunter. Now, the point of a group session is to share and encourage, so let’s take our time to introduce ourselves.’
Lily listened as the group worked clockwise, listening as Richie told of his hopes for a deeper, more meaningful relationship after the demise of his marriage, as Jinty spoke about her battle with the bottle and her hope for a more sober, fulfilling existence and onwards until they came to Amanda.
‘Well.’ Blushing furiously, she looked down at her knees. ‘My marriage ended recently. I thought that if I lost weight it would help to save it, but it just made things worse.’
‘How much have you lost? If you don’t mind my asking,’ Lily checked.
‘Over fifty kilograms. I know I’ve still got a way to go—but I feel as if I’d like to join the world again.’
‘That’s a huge achievement.’ Lily smiled as the group clapped their encouragement, all except Hunter, that was. Apparently bored rigid by the proceedings, he was practically falling asleep in his chair and Lily resisted the urge to give him a sharp kick on the shin before turning her attention back to Amanda. ‘When you say you’re ready to join the world again, in what way?’ Lily asked, nodding encouragement.
‘I’m trying to get up the courage to join a gym,’ Amanda said shyly. ‘I know I should just do it, it’s just the thought of walking in there, having everyone looking at me.’
Lily made a note on the pad in her lap as Amanda carried on talking. ‘I’d like to look for a job as well and who knows? Maybe one day…’
‘Go on,’ Lily said gently, as Amanda’s voice trailed off. ‘You’re among friends here.’
‘I’d like to think about having a relationship—you know, get out there…’
Everyone in the group was nodding encouragement, offering congratulations on her huge achievement, everyone that was except Hunter. He was leaning back on the sofa, yawning unashamedly, not remotely moved by Amanda’s story and clearly thoroughly bored with the whole proceedings. Lily felt a flash of anger—what the hell was he doing there if he thought he was so superior? Well, she was going to find out—if this Hunter thought his story was so much more interesting than everyone else’s, it was time to hear it!
‘Hunter.’ Lily snapped him to brief attention. ‘Perhaps you’d like to introduce yourself to the group, share with us all a little of what bought you here tonight.’
Perhaps not! The silence was interminable as he stared back at her and she felt impossibly hot and uncomfortable under his scrutiny and annoyed, too, that he could be so at ease with the pause in the proceeding he had created. ‘You’ve written that you’re hoping to achieve inner peace.’ She flashed a brittle smile. ‘That doesn’t tell us anything, Hunter—everyone in this room is hoping to achieve that.’
‘The teacher, too?’ There was more than slight insolence to his question and Lily determinedly didn’t redden, that bubble of anger in her starting to swell as somehow he managed to mock the proceedings that were taking place.
‘Yes, Hunter, even the teacher.’ Almost imperceptibly her eyes narrowed but her smile stayed intact—she was determined not to judge until she’d heard his story but years of working with people had given her an incredibly sensitive radar and it was bleeping loudly now. For reasons she couldn’t fathom, this man was here under false pretences, wasn’t in the slightest bit interested in joining in with the group. He was quite prepared to just sit there and let the whole group share their innermost thoughts and give absolutely nothing of himself. She knew all about shyness, knew all about people who needed some time and space before they could even begin to open up, but Hunter exhibited none of the usual nerves. ‘Most people come to a group like this for one of two reasons—either a major life event has forced them to reappraise their goals or they’ve realised after some soul-searching that something is missing in their lives and they would like to make more of themselves.’
‘Really.’
‘Are you happy in your work, Hunter?’
‘I don’t really have time to stop and think about it.’
‘Do you make sure that you have some time when you’re not thinking about work?’
‘I never think about work when I’m in bed.’ He gave her a very small but very suggestive smile and despite herself Lily felt the beginning of a blush spread over her cheeks. This man was incorrigible, but he redeemed himself slightly when finally he addressed the group. Not that he needed to redeem himself to them—they were eating out of his hand. ‘Well, as you probably all know, my main expertise is in futures, though I do have other interests.’
‘You’re a medium!’ Jinty breathed, gaping in admiration.
‘Hunter’s referring to the stock market,’ Lily corrected, smothering a smile as Jinty inadvertently brought him down a peg or two. ‘Am I right?’
He gave a gracious nod.
‘What about your personal relationships?’
‘What about them?’
Lily sucked her breath in in irritation, he was playing them all along and quite simply she wouldn’t allow it. She looked around at the eager, kind faces of her clients and knew she had to protect them. Putting down her clipboard on the table in front of her, Lily wasn’t smiling any more, her green eyes very serious as she faced him, her mouth opening to speak, to tell him what she’d never told a client before—that their time at New Beginnings was about to end—now!
He’d pushed her too far—as easily as he read financial spread sheets, Hunter could read women, and he knew, just knew that this was one unhappy lady. And she really was a lady, from the tip of her blonde hair down to her prettily painted toenails, her trim figure soft and voluptuous in all the right places. She had naturally what so many manufactured—effortless beauty and grace. He flashed her a winning smile, but it failed to move her, those gorgeous almond-shaped green eyes narrowing, tense lips opening, and Hunter realised that for once flirting wasn’t going to save him. He was almost tempted to add another flip comment, curious, actually, to see how she handled herself, but, remembering the reason he was there, Hunter halted himself.
Emma.
His stomach tightened—the guilt that was ever present these days upping an uncomfortable notch as he recalled Emma’s pale, anxious face when she’d asked him to check out New Beginnings for her. And for that reason alone Hunter deigned to concede.
A touch.
‘I’ve actually just broken up with my girlfriend.’ Hunter’s remorseful words beat Lily’s sharp ones and, giving a beautifully timed, regretful shrug, he played the sympathy card perfectly, cast his net to the engrossed audience and dragged them all willingly in. ‘We were about to get engaged—she’d even chosen the ring.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ Surprised by his admission, Lily took a second to regroup—she’d been so sure another smart reply had been about to come, had been positive he’d reveal absolutely nothing about himself. She was also certain, well as certain as one could be from reading the glossies that Hunter wasn’t in a serious relationship—but pushing her doubts aside, remaining professional, Lily dealt with the facts as Hunter saw fit to give them. ‘How long did the relationship last?’
She watched as he squinted, tried and failed not to notice just how gorgeous he looked as he did so, dark hair flopping over his forehead as he counted on his fingers. ‘Two,’ Hunter started. ‘No, maybe three…’ His voice faded out as he did the maths and magnanimously Lily tried to help him.
‘Two years might not sound like a long time to some here.’ Lily smiled over at Richie, whose ten-year marriage had recently ended. ‘However, just because Hunter’s relationship is marked in years rather than decades—’
‘Not years,’ Hunter broke in, ‘months. We were together for two months.’
An interminable pause followed—Lily casting her eyes around her group and trying to fathom how to incorporate Hunter into it, trying to give this impossible man a chance. ‘The end of a new relationship can be devastating,’ Lily attempted. ‘That first flush of passion, the sheer heady emotion of those first few weeks can evoke intense feelings of grief when it ends. Isn’t that right?’
‘I guess,’ Hunter admitted, to Lily’s relief. After all, Abigail had cried her eyes out.
‘Overwhelming feelings of loss,’ Lily offered.
‘Well.’ He nodded. ‘Abigail did seem very upset.’
‘Who ended this relationship, Hunter?’ Lily asked, confused by his response.
‘Me,’ he answered, as if the answer should be obvious and giving her a slightly startled look, which Lily chose to ignore.
‘And you chose to end it because…’
He frowned before answering, actually looked as if he was thinking about the answer, and Lily found she was holding her breath.
‘She bored me,’ Hunter answered finally, as Lily’s head jerked up. ‘I mean, she was great to look at, fabulous in bed but, at the end of the day I guess that she just bored me. They always do in the end.’
‘In what way?’ Lily asked, remembering her training, though sorely tempted to slap his cheek. ‘Is it the woman herself that bores you or the thought of monogamy?’
‘I’ve never really given it much thought,’ Hunter shrugged, clearly bored with the subject, but Lily smiled and nodded.
‘Well, the end of a relationship is always a good time for introspection—a time to look at needs and wants that may have been stifled, to work out what we really want, not just from a partner but from ourselves. What would your ideal relationship be, Hunter?’
‘As I said.’ He sounded just a touch irritated now. ‘I haven’t really given it much thought.’
‘Well now’s your chance!’
He stared at her for the longest time and Lily decided there and then that his name was very apt—he looked like a hunter, someone who chose his prey carefully then pounced, because those blue eyes on her were hypnotising in their effect. He was so utterly a predator that Lily felt the hackles on her back rise in defence as he eyed her thoughtfully.
‘I want to wake up with someone in the morning and actually want to hear what she has to say. Someone who embraces her feminine side but isn’t intimidated by my masculinity. I guess what I really want…’
‘Go on,’ Lily croaked, suffused suddenly with images that were surely inappropriate—his masculinity, his good looks, his raw sensuality were not only intimidating but incredibly thought-provoking, and trying to stay objective and focused as Hunter discussed his needs and wants was almost an impossible task.
‘An equal,’ Hunter finished, blinking at his own admission. He was getting quite good at this, he thought. ‘An equal, though not an identical half.’ He elaborated a touch.
‘That’s very perceptive,’ Lily said, running a tongue over dry lips and dragging her eyes away from his to address the group at large. ‘Hunter has made a very valid point. Equality in a relationship is vital for its success—both partners valuing the other’s contribution to it and embracing the other’s individuality. All too often, however, I hear people saying that they want a relationship as if it’s the solution to all their problems. The relationship that you need to nurture is the one with yourself. I believe first and foremost in self-love—’
‘I don’t have any problem with that,’ Hunter interrupted. ‘But as a last resort, of course, I prefer the real thing!’
Lily swung her head around, and she wasn’t the only one. The whole group gaped at Hunter, who didn’t look remotely abashed as he happily bought up the most delicate of delicate subjects.
‘When I refer to self-love…’ Lily cleared her throat, wishing that she’d bought her own polystyrene cup of water into the session ‘…I meant self-respect, actually liking yourself, knowing your own opinions, being at ease with your own company. Only when you’ve achieved that can you truly step into a relationship as an equal.’
‘Oh, that!’ Hunter dismissed.
By the time the rest of the group had introduced themselves, Hunter had dozed off, his head drooping forward slightly, those knowing eyes mercifully closed. Lily decided that rather than waking him, to just let him sleep off whatever excess he was suffering from. But as the meeting continued, though she tried to give her all to her clients, tried to listen intently as Jinty spoke at length of her hope for staying sober and finding a new partner, and Richie spoke shyly about his first date in a decade, Lily could sense her own distraction, her eyes constantly drawn to him. Even while asleep he unsettled her; even while quiet he interrupted her thought process at every turn.
What was he doing there?
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.