Kitabı oxu: «Broken Open»

This one goes out to the boy who bought me a rum and Coke

in Paris and let me rant at him for hours

after an upsetting phone call.

Thank you for always having my back and feeding me liquor.

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Title Page

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

Before: December

HER WORKDAY OVER, Tuesday Eastwood turned the display lights up before locking her front doors. That’s when she realized how cold it was and flipped her collar against the wind with one hand while hurrying to where she’d parked her car.

As she paused to cross at the corner and look both ways, she caught sight of Ezra Hurley. It wasn’t one of those moments when you caught sight of a person and then realized who it was once they got closer.

No, she knew it was Ezra because for some befuddling reason she was hyperaware of him. He looked good as he waited for traffic, a grin on his face.

In the entirety of her life no one had ever made her belly feel the same quivery, excited swoop when she looked at him. At the rugged, masculine lines of his features. Like his brothers, yes, he was attractive. But he wore it differently than the other three brothers did.

Ezra Hurley was a Capital M Man. In that riding horses, baling hay, hands in the dirt, well-worn jeans way. Well-worn jeans that currently cradled a rear end that a sculptor would drool over. The kind of being who seemed to emanate utter capability.

How or why that was so hot to her Tuesday didn’t know. But it was.

Even in a wool cap and a peacoat he radiated that something special he tossed around like catnip. In addition to being a rancher, he was a rock star. A onetime hard-living, jet-setting, arena-filling rock star fallen to earth, crashing and burning.

The flames had left him imperfect. But no less compelling.

“Hey, Tuesday.” He reached the spot where she’d been rooted as she thought about him naked.

“Ezra. What brings you out tonight?”

“Errands. I was just planning to grab some dinner and head back home.” He paused for just a moment. “What are you up to right now? Want to have dinner with me?”

She nodded even though she knew it was a bad idea. Ezra wasn’t just a gorgeous rancher–hugely successful musician with a butt any sane woman would want to take a bite of.

He was also the oldest brother of Tuesday’s best friend Natalie’s boyfriend. It sounded convoluted, sure, but it meant trouble if anything bad happened between Natalie and Paddy, Ezra’s brother.

Tuesday told herself it was just dinner. No big deal. She and Natalie were close as sisters anyway. She was supposed to be getting to know the people in Nat’s life now.

She slipped her hand around the crook of his arm and didn’t make good choices at all. “I’m starving.”

He led her just up the block to one of her favorite cafés.

The hostess nearly walked into a post showing them to their table because she couldn’t tear her gaze from Ezra.

“You were very sweet to her,” Tuesday murmured when the poor girl stumbled away after he’d thanked her.

He ducked his head a moment before he stepped close. “Let me help you.”

The backs of his fingers slid against the skin of her neck as he pulled her collar away and took the coat off.

She closed her eyes a moment as a full-body shiver of delight rolled through her.

“Thank you.”

He hung hers up and got rid of his as she settled at the table. Flashing her a smile, he sat across from her as he unwound his scarf.

“I like the beard,” she managed to say and surprised herself by not sounding breathy or wheezy even though he seemed to suck all the oxygen from the air around her.

There was a spot she couldn’t seem to stop glancing at. Just below his ear at the curve of his jaw. She licked her lips rather than get up and kiss him there.

She gripped the table instead, grateful it kept her out of licking distance.

Then he stroked fingertips over the beard—a nervous habit—and she might have lost consciousness for just a brief moment.

“Yeah? I’ve had one on and off. Wintertime is good for it.”

Tuesday felt much the same way about her legs.

“It suits you.” And framed his mouth. He had a great mouth.

She deliberately looked away from him, down at her menu even though she knew exactly what she was going to order.

She’d met Ezra Hurley back in September. Her best friend’s boyfriend had three brothers, all gorgeous and successful with immense personal charisma. Ezra was the last of the four she’d met but once he’d walked into the room he was all she’d seen.

She’d seen him several times since as Natalie had got closer to Paddy and they’d been pulled into the Hurley family.

Each time it had been that same shock of connection between them.

They made small talk that wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward in any way until their food came.

“Did you have a good Christmas?”

“I did, actually. Got my fill of nieces and nephews. Played a lot of video games. Kids are a great way to avoid shopping trips.”

“You don’t like to shop?”

“With my mother and sister and all my sisters-in-law? At Christmas? No. I stayed back, drank mulled wine and played video games until the kids got sick of me and then I watched movies and enjoyed the silence.”

“I have nieces, both under ten so I know the feeling.”

Ezra was like a cat. Tuesday wanted his attention, but she was sort of a cat, too. Each of them brushed up against the other, naturally sort of aloof but totally digging on what the other had.

“I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now.” His mouth quirked up and she swallowed hard.

“Do you really want to know?”

He nodded.

“I was just thinking about how you and I are like cats.”

He cocked his head, thinking. “Aloof yet demanding?”

She grinned. “Someone has cats.”

“I’m not sure if they have me or if I have them.”

“That’s a yes.”

He tore apart a piece of bread and she had to bite the inside of her lip to pry her gaze away from his hands.

She had a thing about hands and his were gorgeous and strong. Rough. Big.

“How’s business? I imagine things are pretty busy during this time of year.”

Tuesday owned and ran a custom framing business in downtown Hood River, Oregon. It wasn’t where she’d expected to end up but after her life had gone off the rails, it was this town on the Columbia River and her best friend Natalie, who’d finally given her a place to land.

“The holidays are a good time. It’s also great for my custom jewelry.” Which was good because she had a huge family and birthdays alone killed her budget. “How goes ranching?”

He looked across the table at her as the server took their food away. “I was thinking of dessert. You in?”

She nodded. “Definitely. They have poached pears here that I love.”

He grinned. “That so? Those are Hurley pears—did you know that?”

Sweet Hollow Ranch wasn’t only the name of the band Ezra had founded with his brothers when they were still in their teens. It was the place the Hurleys lived. The land they worked.

And apparently the source of the dessert she was about to order.

“I didn’t know. That’s pretty nifty.”

“I think so, too. If you order the pears, I’ll order the cheese plate. We can share. If that’s okay with you.”

“More than okay. Sounds perfect.”

They lingered over their coffee until most people had cleared out and the café got near closing time. He paid up and they gathered their things to clear out.

“I hadn’t realized we’d been here so long.”

He stood and helped her into her coat. “That’s the sign of a good dinner. When you have a great conversation and time gets away from you.”

He opened the door for her and even though it was freezing, she got to look at him some more.

His work boots crunched ice as they headed back to her car along the slippery sidewalk.

She couldn’t recall any time in recent memory where she’d whiled away three hours over dinner and with someone she’d only met a few times.

Something in him called to her. The shape of his eyes, the history in them, she supposed, a little dark and twisty. His lips, well, the bottom one had to be pillow soft. She’d thought about that issue in great detail. He had the hottest mouth she’d laid eyes on in a long time.

Because she’d been thinking about his mouth she might have been distracted enough that she missed the dip in the sidewalk and started to slip. Not that any such thing needed to be admitted. It was cold and icy after all. Anyone could slip. Who could be expected not to think about Ezra’s bottom lip?

“Whoa.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her back to her feet, standing very close to her as he did. He was so strong. The energy seemed to hum from him, bringing a shiver she couldn’t blame on the cold.

“Are you okay?”

His voice did things to her. A little sandpapery, but wrapped in caramel. It shouldn’t have even been possible to be both at the same time but it was. Every once in a while there’d be a burr and it snagged her attention—the pull—which was disconcerting and yet, it was really delicious, too.

He did things to her head. He looked good and he oozed so much raw sensuality it made her tingly. He was handsome, yes, but there was something about him, something elemental that she found herself fascinated by.

And now that she’d had him all to herself like this, she had to admit she wanted more.

“That was close. Thanks for the save.”

He paused, still standing near enough that she could smell him. He had really good cologne. Spicy and sexy.

Don’t sniff him. Don’t sniff him. Don’t sniff him.

The moment stretched between them like a physical thing until he finally stepped back and turned, resuming their walk to her car.

She unlocked her driver’s-side door, using that time to get herself in order before she leaped on him.

She turned back to face him. “Thanks again for dinner. Oh, and for preventing a broken bone when I nearly slipped.”

His mouth did a thing and it was impossible to look away.

Mainly because it was perfection. Fringed by a minky pelt of a beard she wanted to get all up in. It was messing with her thinking. Like a magical item. Beard of confusion, ha!

But the thing? She’d noticed over dinner that sometimes as she talked, he’d look at her mouth and then he’d lick over his bottom lip as if he was thinking about tasting her. That sweep of his tongue was like a physical stroke against her skin.

Yes, she liked the thing a lot.

She shivered, this time from the cold. He popped open the three buttons lining the front of his wool peacoat and opened it, inviting her.

There was nothing else to be done but take those steps into the warm circle of his embrace, sliding her arms around his waist.

Tuesday tipped her head back to see him better, stilling as their gazes locked a moment before his attention shifted to her mouth. And he did that thing again.

She sucked in a breath this time.

He heard. She knew it because his pupils got very big.

Everything got very far off. Sounds all around them died away until only Ezra and Tuesday remained.

And then his mouth was on hers, the arms holding the coat around her tightened as he pulled her to him.

Snug.

Body to body until there was no mistaking how interested he was in her.

Musician wasn’t the only word Ezra could apply gifted to.

Oh. Well. Yes, please.

A breathy groan of appreciation came from her and he seemed to lick it from her lips.

It was too much. So much her heart pounded and she fought the desire to run from him.

She hadn’t felt anything this powerful with a man since Eric died.

Maybe not even then.

She shoved that far away.

Despite it being too much she wanted more. Throbbed with an overwhelming need to roll around in everything Ezra brought to the table.

Her teeth grazed his bottom lip and she loved the way his beard felt as she did it. She licked over it, squirming to get a little closer.

“Fuckyeah,” he muttered right before his tongue slid into her mouth and his taste burst over her.

Vanilla and a touch of brandy from the pears they’d shared after dinner. A little hint of coffee and whatever superendorphin he made with all that hotness.

He kept on, his weight holding her in place against the car.

Inside his coat, the heat of him burned her. But she wasn’t sweating from that.

Her heart thundered in her head.

Finally he pulled back a little, sucking in a breath. His gaze was on hers, open. There was pain there with desire and appreciation. Vulnerability.

Please don’t apologize or say I should forget it.

After long moments of silence, no apologies or panicked expectation management issued from him and she breathed a little easier even as his taste still lived on her mouth.

Those deep brown eyes shifted his attention to her lips and then back to her gaze.

A smile hinted at the corners of his mouth. “Was that my bounty for saving you from a fall?”

She pursed her lips a moment, enjoying the flirting, and then smiled back. “Maybe.”

“I’m always willing to take payment for services or goods via your mouth.”

She swallowed. Excited and nervous. Flattered. Turned on. “So I guess I’m rooting for a long, icy winter then, huh?”

He snorted a laugh, letting go and stepping back. The cold reasserted itself with a slap, which made it a little easier to think again.

“Thanks for making my day a hell of a lot better, Tuesday Eastwood.” He opened her door.

“Yes. What you said.”

He kissed her again quickly. “I’ll be seeing you around. You coming to the shows next week?”

Sweet Hollow Ranch, the band Ezra and his brothers created, was set to drop an album and do a short winter and spring tour.

Ezra still wrote, recorded and produced the band’s material, but he’d left touring behind once he’d got out of rehab and taken stock of his life.

And now, for the first time in years, Ezra was set to be back onstage with them at a few small fan club secret shows to try out new material before they left for the full tour.

She imagined he was probably excited and nervous about it at the same time. He seemed so capable, though; she bet he wasn’t too worried about it.

“We’ll definitely be at the shows. Nat and I are driving in together so I’ll see you then.” She got in her car and he closed the door. Two knuckle raps on the roof and he moved away so she could pull the car out and head home.

He watched her until she turned the corner but she felt his mouth on her skin for hours.

CHAPTER TWO

Now: May

EZRA KNEW WHEN Tuesday had arrived backstage. Every time she was near, an arc of electricity shot up his spine as his hyperawareness seemed to draw them closer to one another. He turned to watch her move through the crowd, that fucking magnificent head of curls setting her apart.

Natalie, Tuesday’s best friend and Ezra’s brother Paddy’s girlfriend, was at her side. The two of them made a picture. Both beautiful in totally different ways. Both fierce and a little wounded.

Maybe a lot wounded. The closer he got with his brother’s girlfriend, the more he admired just what she’d overcome. He was uniquely positioned to understand wounded and to not judge it, either.

Natalie squeezed Tuesday’s hand before she came over to Ezra. “Ezra, you’re looking very handsome tonight.” She kissed his cheek and gave him a hug.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I’m glad to see you here. Glad you and Paddy patched things up.”

Behind Natalie, his sister-in-law, Mary, had waylaid Tuesday so he forced himself to be patient.

“I hear you were a pretty big part of that finally happening. He probably won’t admit it, but Paddy was so lost without your guidance.”

Paddy hadn’t just said a bunch of stupid, hurtful stuff to Natalie, he’d said a lot to Ezra as well and then didn’t contact either one of them as he spiraled closer to the edge.

Luckily, his brother wasn’t as dumb as he was pretty and he’d got his shit straight and made up with Ezra and Natalie both.

“Sometimes you just need to hear someone tell you what you already know.”

“You’re very wise. It must be why you look at my best friend the way you do.”

He scoffed and then made a shooing motion at her. “Go on. Paddy is killing himself not rushing over here.”

She gave him one last quick kiss on the cheek and glided over to where Paddy waited—his smile was one all for Natalie.

Finally his patience was rewarded when Tuesday freed herself and resumed her trip over to where he stood, her lips curved up into a sexy smile.

All the spit in his mouth dried at the sight of her once she cleared the crowd. She wore a very short dress that was bright pink and orange and he wasn’t sure it was supposed to work, but on her it did. Her shoulders and part of her neck and chest were exposed and the material seemed to wrap around her neck.

He held out a hand her way and she took it. Damn, every single time he touched her it was like a shot of adrenaline. Flipping his hold so he could place a kiss on the heart of her palm and then over her wrist.

“You smell good,” he murmured. God help him, she did. Spicy and sexy and just a little dark. It called to him, like to like.

She stood close enough to hear and her mouth tipped up into another smile.

There was so much chemistry between them it made him a little dizzy. Dizzy enough that he knew the risks and he stood there anyway, planning on kissing every part of her as soon as he could.

Tuesday was his brother’s girlfriend’s best friend. So close they may as well have been sisters. She lived not only in Hood River but she also lived with Natalie. If something went wrong it could be uncomfortable forever.

And yet he couldn’t stop himself when she was in his view. Or his thoughts. Which were pretty frequent. Especially after that kiss in December and the follow-up just the week before.

But if he was totally honest with himself, ever since the first time he’d met her back in the fall.

Tuesday Eastwood was vibrant and sensual and she wore her confidence and intelligence boldly. He found that so attractive he went half-hard just at the sight of her.

“Thank you. I’m excited to see you play tonight.”

He looked down to the glittery heels, the pretty painted toes, and then up shapely ankles and calves to toned thighs. Another thing about Tuesday that he dug so much was her love of the outdoors. He worked with his body and it enabled him to burn off all that excess energy...most of it. But he loved to horseback ride and ATV and had been pleased to discover she did, too, when they’d all gone out for rides. She was gorgeous and strong and he wanted some of what she had.

Ezra stood so they were face-to-face. Her sky-high heels brought her level to him, nose-to-nose.

His inner voice screamed caution but he ignored it because it felt so good to want her.

“Thanks. You look fantastic.”

“I figured you’d be bringing all this—” she paused to wave a hand his way “—hotness rock star business. Had to up my game.”

“Consider it upped. By the way, I’ll be escorting you home this evening. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Paddy asked you to take me so he could sweep Nat off?” Her smile told Ezra she wasn’t bothered in the least. “I’ll skip the part where I pretend I’m not totally all right with that plan.”

“He hasn’t asked yet. But he will. I saw the way he looked at her just now. Which is fine with me, as I’d like to have you all to myself.”

Techs came through to talk with each brother. With the fame came more money and they could afford to hire people to help keep the instruments they played in working order. And then they’d been able to afford a tech for each member of the band. The tech currently making no attempt to hide the way he looked Ezra over was Ira and he’d been with Sweet Hollow Ranch for a decade.

Having someone who knew his schedule and preferences made it less stressful to be returning to an arena stage for the first time since rehab.

The room got louder and louder as more and more people arrived backstage. The chaos of it jangled his nerves and fucked with his head.

He slid his thumb over her bottom lip. “I need to head to my dressing room for a while.”

She reached out, her fingertips brushing against the bone at his wrist as she kissed his thumb. “Go on. You’re going to kick ass.”

Ezra stepped close again, sliding his arm around her waist. It didn’t matter that there were a dozen reasons why pursuing her would be a bad idea. He wanted her, she wanted him, they were both adults and damn it, he didn’t want to stop.

He certainly was powerless against it when she moved even closer to him, tipping her head a little, exposing her neck.

He bent his head, breathing her in, brushing his lips over her skin.

“I’ll be here when you’re done.”

“I’m holding you to that.” He stepped back and caught up with Ira to talk about his guitars, but her scent lived in him.

Ira gave him a once-over and Ezra pretended not to see it. Ira had been giving him the once-over before shows for years. At least now Ezra wasn’t so high he couldn’t even stay conscious onstage.

Ezra had his head on straight now. He could be trusted and relied on. No one looked at him with pity-laden expressions tinged with varying shades of disgust. It had been a fight that he wasn’t sure he’d win at times, but there he stood, with all that devastation in his past, with great hope for his future.

Satisfied Ezra was all right, Ira relaxed and gave him the rundown before leaving him alone in his dressing room. Even though Paddy was the leader of Sweet Hollow Ranch, it was Ezra who was the founder. The true leader everyone, including Paddy, turned to.

That trust never ceased to amaze Ezra. They shouldn’t trust him. Not after heroin. But they did and he would white-knuckle it through every damned day to never disappoint the people counting on him again.

Once he’d finished his shot of wheatgrass juice, he sat back on the couch and put his feet up. With a long, slow exhalation, he leaned back, closing his eyes.

The last time Ezra’d been on a stage this big he’d had a public meltdown that had led him to a stint in rehab. The small club dates they’d played at the start of their tour had been thrilling. It had fed that thirst in him that only playing live could seem to quench.

He’d worried back then that he’d lost his performing mojo. But when he’d walked onstage it had leaped into him as easily as it had the last time he was on stage. Easy, like it had never gone. He’d been the Ezra Hurley once more and it had reawakened something inside.

He had something to prove. Not just to his brothers and the fans, but to himself.

* * *

TUESDAY’S SKIN STILL tingled where he’d brushed his lips against her neck. It had been so...wow.

She watched his retreating back. Took in the stretch of the soft fabric of his T-shirt at the width of his powerful shoulders. Down to the narrower waist. His brothers were in denim but Ezra chose worn brown leather pants. And cowboy boots with superpointy toes.

His hair was a little more tousled than usual and she noted the tattoos she could see on his arms. Once she saw him all sweaty after they’d gone out ATVing and that was a memory she’d cherish forever. But this? Well now. Rock star Ezra just earned a place next to sweaty, muddy Ezra in her fantasy bank.

Also, he had a fantastic ass.

And he walked like a man who had a big dick.

Natalie sidled up next to her as they both watched him until he was out of sight. “He really works a pair of leather pants,” Natalie said in an undertone.

“Indeed. He has big-cock walk, too, don’t you think?”

Natalie snorted a laugh. “I can never unhear that!”

“Am I lying?”

“Hell no. What’s true is true.”

They turned to face one another, grinning. “So things are okay with Paddy?”

Her friend had a huge heart and she was deeply in love with Ezra’s brother Paddy. They’d just had a rough patch and had come back together, working hard to get past it, just like Tuesday had known they needed to.

“Yeah. We’re good. What’s going on with Ezra?”

Which was what Tuesday had been wondering. So she decided it was easier to think on this as a fun, casual thing.

“He wants what I got, duh. Also, I want what he’s got so there’s a nice synchronicity there.”

Mary, Damien Hurley’s wife and a new friend, came over to where they stood. “Not going to lie, I am so relieved to be sleeping in my own bed tonight.”

They’d been out on tour for three months, which was short, Tuesday knew, owing to the fact that Mary was due to deliver a brand-new Hurley in six weeks. The tour officially ended the next night but Portland was close enough to Hood River that everyone was headed home instead of to yet another hotel.

The gong sounded that indicated it was time to head to the stage. How weird was it that this stuff was totally normal in her life all of a sudden?

Paddy approached, smiling at Tuesday. Tuesday hoped she managed an I-forgive-you-but-if-you-hurt-my-best-friend-I-will-maim-you smile in return.

He got it, nodding again and hugging her briefly before he took Natalie’s hand and they walked toward the stage. At the end of the hall, Ezra came out of his dressing room looking fine as hell. A little more tousled. But focused and relaxed.

As if she’d said this out loud, he turned, his gaze locking with hers until she felt the tug between them. He waited until she reached him and fell in beside her. Neither of them spoke. She got the feeling he needed the silence.

At the stage, the brothers moved off, speaking to one another intensely for long moments before breaking apart. Damien went out, followed by Vaughan and then Paddy. Ezra stood beside Tuesday, throwing off crazy amounts of charisma and sex appeal.

“Aren’t you going to wish me good luck?” he asked, a teasing smile on his face. But she saw a tiny bit of doubt and it shouldn’t have been there.

“No. You know why?” She moved a little closer. “You don’t need luck. You’re Ezra Hurley. You wrote this book.”

He relaxed, taking her hand to kiss her knuckles briefly before he stepped forward, grabbed the guitar Ira held out and slung it on as he hit the stage and started to play.

* * *

ONCE HE LEFT the wings, everything changed. He unleashed his energy, powering through, taking the roar of the crowd, the singing to his lyrics, the applause and the interplay between him and his brothers and feasting on it.

Though the other three had been out together a whole tour, Ezra fit in exactly where he always did. They might have been more used to doing this every night, but he was fresher, so it balanced things out.

For those hours, it was Hurleys Against The World once again and everything was absolutely perfect.

At the first encore break they came offstage and he hit the john, rinsing off his face and neck, changing his shirt.

As he approached the stage Tuesday waited. The look on her face was all about him and it sent a slice of longing down his spine.

He’d wait, though. Just as she did, letting him keep his head in the music. Seemingly assured he’d give her the proper attention when the time came.

That sort of confidence was hot.

He grinned her way as he took his guitar back from Ira and they went out once more.

Three encores later and it was time to go home.

* * *

AFTER A SHOW was even louder and more chaotic than it was before the show. When Ezra came offstage, he ended up at Tuesday’s side as they all headed back to the greenroom.

The energy seemed to spiral through him and he needed to clean up and get himself together.

He leaned in toward Tuesday once they got to the greenroom. “I’m going to shower and change. Okay with you?”

She nodded. “Of course. I’ll be here when you’re finished.” Her mouth, good sweet Christ, he wanted to lean in and kiss it. So much his hands shook a little.