Kitabı oxu: «The Colors Of A Optimistic World», səhifə 5

11. Measure for more self-confidence: Stop comparing yourself

We are always busy comparing ourselves with others. If we see the new car of a neighbour, we immediately ask ourselves whether it is better than our own. If we see the new hairstyle of a colleague, we compare her appearance directly with our own. If someone tells us about his net income, we compare it directly with what he receives in his own account. What do you spontaneously think of at this point? In which situations do you compare yourself with others?

Often we're jealous, too, without wanting it. It's not a bad thing, it's perfectly natural. We see a beautiful, big house and wish we would live in it ourselves. We see an extremely successful athlete and want to be able to do the same as he is. We hear about the professional success of a friend and are annoyed about not having chosen the same path. Then we compare all this with our own lives and become dissatisfied. It is a comparison in which we can only lose, because as a rule we only compare ourselves with people who are in a "better" situation. For those who would be jealous of us, we have little or no attention.

Self-confidence is about being mindful of one's own life. If, however, we are constantly busy concentrating on the successes and progresses of our fellow human beings, we move away from our own lives and thus from ourselves. There is an alienation again, which weakens the self-confidence and thus also the self-confidence. What can we logically do about it? Right, we just stop comparing ourselves to others. Here are some useful information that will help you:

Always remember that every person is unique. Everyone has their own individual background story. Everyone has different ideas about life, different abilities, talents and perhaps also a completely different attitude towards success. Basically, it doesn't matter what others do because it doesn't change what you do with yourself and your life. At most, it helps to peer over someone else's shoulder from time to time and thus gain a bit of motivation. That's all it is. What changes other people's successes in your own?

In addition, you should always ask yourself whether what you envy about others would really fit into your life. The wealthy businessman probably worked extremely hard for years, took incalculable risks and had to sacrifice a lot to get this far. Would you want that too? In the same way, the successful athlete has to train every day in order to maintain his performance level. He has an exceptionally strict diet plan and has to plan his day hard so that his body is always capable of peak performance. Would you like some? And even the banal things have their downsides. The big new house in your neighbourhood is certainly very beautiful, but would you like to clean it, take care of the garden and bear all the costs?

Even if you don't envy someone, but just compare them to yourself, don't do yourself a favor. No matter what the outcome of this comparison! You should derive your self-confidence and self-esteem from yourself, not from the fact of looking better than others or being more successful. You are unique, so also be unique. Everyone else already exists. That you are in your skin is a great privilege! Make the most of it.

Comparison with others costs time and energy. It also causes worries, anger and headaches from time to time. Save all that. Just stand by yourself and do your own thing. So you will also find yourself with absolute certainty. Be proud of the person you are. If there is something else in your life that you want to change or improve out of your own drive, you can do it. No one's stopping you. However, the motive behind it should not be to become "better" than others or to create what others have already done before you. Your motive should be to become happier, more balanced and more self-confident.

12. Measure for more self-confidence: Go on a treasure hunt

Fancy a little treasure hunt with guaranteed success? The last method for a stronger self-confidence, which I present to you, is characterized by its immediate effect, which lasts for a long time!

In everyday life we are so busy pleasing others and comparing or even adapting ourselves that we completely forget to take a look at ourselves and our own lives. That's why it's so hard for us to see the good in it. You should change that! Take your pen and paper with you for the following exercise. Of course you can do it without, but even better results can be achieved if you put your thoughts on paper in black and white.

List what's good about and in your life. No, please don't let the pessimistic voice in the back of your mind say that nothing is good. There are good things in your life, of course. Let me give you a little hint: What are really good qualities of yours? What are the characteristics of your character? To what extent does this benefit you in everyday life? What unique features do you have? What sets you apart from other people? What valuable people surround you? How important are your friends and family to you? What successes have you achieved so far? What progress have you made on your own?

There are so many good things about you that you can be proud of. Be happy about the fact that you are independent, can provide for yourself and are a free person. Enjoy the people around you. You owe it to yourself that these are a part of your life. You invest your unique personality in these social bonds and are therefore rewarded with friendship and familiarity. Be proud of everything you have already achieved. What's happened so far isn't a coincidence.

Learn to appreciate the little things in life. Be grateful to be a free man in a modern part of the world. Everything we take for granted, such as a toilet, hot water or a kitchen in which we prepare our food, is an unattainable luxury for more than half (!) of all people. Lie down on the couch in the evening and watch a movie? Absolute luxury. Make a call and have a pizza delivered to your door? For most people, this is a dream that will probably never come true.

Yeah, that seems contradictory. After all, we were told earlier not to compare ourselves. But it is also important not to take anything for granted. Self-awareness also includes developing awareness and attentiveness for life around oneself. The more you appreciate all this, the more grateful you will be. They will be grateful to themselves for making this life possible for themselves. This results in more self-confidence and self-love.

Go regularly on treasure hunts in your life. Discover how much good there is. We don't see it every day, but as soon as we see it, it's good for our self-confidence!

With these 12 basics you are now well equipped to strengthen your self-confidence

The topic "self-confidence" is very, very extensive and could still be carried out forever. However, as this is a short guide, we will leave it at the basics and measures mentioned so far. What you have experienced may seem very simple in places, but that doesn't make it any less effective. The theory is easy to understand. What most people find difficult is the practical implementation. So be brave and open-minded. Don't underestimate the great effect of simple things. The participants of my coaching are always amazed at how quickly they achieve positive results if they get involved with the simple basics. All you have to do is be brave and take the first step.

With what you have learned in this guide, you can certainly build and develop a solid self-confidence. To make this easier for you and to refresh your memory a little, I will summarize briefly and crisply what we have discussed before:

1. You only trust people you really know, so you should get to know yourself better. Deal with your interests, wishes, strengths and weaknesses. Expand your awareness of yourself in the truest sense of the word.

2. Stop trying to please others and start to please yourself. Realize that you are responsible for all progress in your life and that it does not matter what others might think about you. In this way, what you actually want will come to the fore again.

3. Leave the nest of habits, people and activities that you have built up around yourself. The key to your happiness and self-confidence lies outside your comfort zone. If all this were within this range, you wouldn't have to search for it.

4. Take care of your body, because you have only this one. It is directly linked to your self-confidence because you identify with it. The better you are in shape, the more proud you are of yourself, your performance and your appearance. The more you pay attention to your health, the more you value yourself.

5. Smile as often as you can to infect other people and get positive confirmation. Recognize how good you look and strengthen your self-love. Always find a reason to be frolicsome and happy. So life can be enjoyed much more easily.

6. Learn to say no. Do not let your fellow human beings put you in unpleasant situations. If you concentrate only on what the others want, what you want will fade into the background. You're losing your confidence. So say "no" and invest your time and other resources in your own interests to get back to yourself.

7. Don't play roles in everyday life, so don't fool anyone. Especially not yourself. If you are dishonest to yourself, you are acting contrary to your true nature and thus moving away from your self-confidence. They rob themselves and others of the chance to discover the unique and special about them. Stand by yourself and always be yourself.

8. Free yourself from your fears. Do not let this restrict you in your everyday life. It may not always be easy, but it's worth it. As soon as you have the necessary courage, your self-confidence will grow with immediate effect. You will find the strength to overcome even more hurdles.

9. Get rid of what you've been putting off for a long time. No matter whether these are outstanding conversations with fellow human beings or unfinished tasks. A self-confident person always gets clarity about his life. By "tidying up" and doing things on hold, you learn to trust each other more. In the future, you'll think to yourself, "It's half as wild. I've done worse than this."

10. Promote your strengths and talents. Life is short, so why spend it on things you don't like? Do not believe in obsolete slogans, such as: "Self-praise stinks." If you don't believe in yourself, then who does? Why pretend modesty when you could have such a good time doing what you passionately love? It's good for your self- confidence!

11. Stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn't change anything in your life and it doesn't get you anywhere. Instead, discover your uniqueness and enjoy it. What really matters is what happens in your life. The more attentive and open-minded you are, the more self-confident (in the truest sense of the word) you will be.

12. Go on a treasure hunt in your life. Be proud of all the good you have already done and achieved. Feel gratitude for everything that cannot be taken for granted. This way you will feel more satisfied immediately. You are proud of yourself and increase your self-esteem.

You are now well equipped to strengthen your self-confidence. Be open-minded and energetic, then you can only win!

Closing Remarks

It's amazing: we pay attention to so many unimportant things while neglecting ourselves. We ourselves are the most important person in our lives. If we really want to love others, we must first love ourselves. If we want to help others, we must first be able to help ourselves. If we want to give others good advice, we first have to follow it ourselves. Everything good in life begins with and with ourselves. That is why self-confidence is the central key to personality development. I hope that this guide has improved your understanding of this issue and will help you in the future to develop more self-confidence, self-confidence and self-love.

Of course, not everything you read was entirely new to you. It doesn't matter. It is important to summarise the right information in a way that is easy to understand and compact. I hope that I have succeeded. If you want to become more confident, you will have to deal with the simple things and basics. There are no secret tricks, even if some "gurus" like to say so. The further development of your personality is a very honest and logical process that requires patience, open-mindedness and positive thinking. Since you have read carefully up to this point, I am convinced that you have these qualities.

Finally, I wish you much joy and success in developing your self-confidence. Getting to know yourself better is not only incredibly exciting, but also very rewarding. With every step forward you will become happier and more satisfied. I am happy for you and wish you all the best.

Calmness - Find inner balance through relaxation and habits

Maintaining inner balance is not always easy and yet so desirable. Because who wouldn't want a deeply relaxed inner posture, even if the milk flocculates in the morning, the track is once again overcrowded and the to-do list becomes longer and longer instead of shorter. You cannot change these external stress factors directly through inner balance, because some situations or circumstances cannot be changed for the better overnight. But you can change your attitude towards these factors and still make a big change in your everyday life possible.

Imagine what it would be like if the meter-long queue at the checkout didn't put you under pure stress anymore or if the next traffic jam didn't let the adrenaline rise in you? Inner balance is not about suppressing negative emotions about these events - that would be highly unhealthy - but rather about changing the way they are evaluated. In the future you will no longer sit behind the wheel in a traffic jam, angry and scolding, but use this opportunity to listen to the radio play you have started, to call your sister or to sing along loudly to your favourite songs.

Of course, there are many other ways to express inner balance. The closer we are to ourselves, i.e. more attentive to our needs and less guided by the outside world, the more relaxation we can experience. That includes "no." To learn to say, to re-evaluate circumstances and to find out what you really want regardless of external influences. In this book you will learn how inner balance in everyday life can look like and how you can find your centre! I hope you enjoy reading, learning and trying it out!

The inner balance

An advantage of inner balance is obvious: We experience our everyday life more relaxed and can deal better with stressful situations. We feel this in more optimism and a generally better mood in everyday life. By changing the assessment of stressful situations, our thoughts about these situations change, which in turn affects our emotional world. The result is that you are more emotionally stable and happier all around through inner balance.

Consequences of prolonged stress on the psychological level can be depression or burnout, for example. But it is not on the psychological level that something changes through inner stability, but also on the physical level. In stressful situations, or situations that we perceive as stress and that we evaluate as negative, our blood pressure rises and adrenaline is released. This may be advantageous in dangerous situations, as it allows us to better prepare for a possible escape or defense - our system is then on "alert". You can imagine that everyday physical processes come to a standstill, because the potential danger and survival of these is naturally in the foreground. Permanent stress is a considerable physical strain that can lead to various diseases of the cardiovascular system and the gastrointestinal tract.

Through inner balance you manage to be psychologically and physically healthier in the long run, to feel more happiness in everyday life and to concentrate better on your own needs. The perception of one's own needs is a step towards a stronger inner balance and in most cases this improves not only the relationship to ourselves, but also the relationship to our fellow human beings.

What are the advantages of inner balance?

- They feel more happiness in everyday life.

- You know your needs and can vouch for them.

- You have a healthier relationship with yourself and your fellow human beings.

- They are mentally and physically protected from stress-related illnesses.

- You're in a generally better mood.

- You will learn to change or re-evaluate situations in your favour.

These are just a few examples, of course, and you will probably discover many more individual advantages of inner balance in the course of this book and while learning inner balance.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is probably the opposite of inner balance. But why are we unhappy? For example, when our expectations of certain situations or people are not met or we cannot meet our own expectations. These unfulfilled expectations are the expression of an imbalance between the actual state and the desired state. How is this target state defined? Through our desires and ideas, which we in turn determine on a mental level. Both conscious and unconscious thought patterns play a role in shaping our expectations. Perhaps in a situation with unfulfilled expectations you perceive your thoughts less strongly than your dissatisfaction expressed through emotions. We are often unaware that we shape our emotions through our thoughts. But it's not that far-fetched, because a messed up meeting can cause different people to get very different ratings. Now for the positive news: We can shape our thoughts and thus also influence our emotions.

Applied to inner balance, this means that as soon as we provide for relaxed and balanced thoughts, this will be reflected in our emotions. Dissatisfaction is a momentary negative emotion that is given a place in our lives to varying degrees. By the way, this dissatisfaction is neither negative nor positive in itself, we only evaluate it negatively. How about, as a first step towards more inner balance, seeing this dissatisfaction as what it actually is: an indicator of a momentary imbalance.

In this way we have the opportunity to change our lives, for the better! This dissatisfaction is a great motivator to finally break down old structures and break new ground, to welcome personal development into one's own life. Let us now take a look at what arises in the event of long-term dissatisfaction: stress! From the outset, a distinction must be made between distress and eustress. Distress is negative stress and eustress is positive stress. How does this distinction arise? Through your assessment of the stress factor!

Stress and the physical consequences

Entertaining stress usually has no great physical consequences. However, it becomes critical when a stress factor is constantly present in everyday life over a long period of time. Of course, our handling of the stress factor is crucial and as soon as we are internally balanced, we can face various challenges that were previously assessed as negative stress factors in a completely different way. If we experience a stress situation that is classified as negative, we are usually under great pressure, which results in the release of the stress hormones cortisol, norepinephrine and adrenaline. These hormones increase our performance for a short moment and the physical processes that are not relevant for this are neglected. We consider this situation to be stressful and dangerous, our body reacts accordingly to this situation. In the early history of mankind, stress situations were above all those situations in which the actual survival was at stake. Today's stressful situations usually no longer have anything to do with the struggle for survival, but our body still reacts with an intuitive fight/escape reaction, i.e. the release of the well-tried stress hormones. So the longer a stressful situation lasts, the less chance there is of breaking down these stress hormones and we enter a chronic state of tension. No human survives long in panic mode or at peak performance level. On a physical level, a long-term state of tension can be expressed through exhaustion, chronic fatigue, irritable stomach, muscle cramps, irritable bowel syndrome, muscle tension, allergies, nervousness, grinding of teeth, nail chewing, circulatory problems, dizziness, heart disease and the like. The list of possible physical symptoms is long and can look quite different for you than for me.

So do something good for your health and ensure more inner balance in your everyday life. You will see that after a short time, thanks to a strengthened immune system, you are less susceptible to diseases, feel fitter and more vital all around, need less sleep and your digestion functions excellently. Some scientists attribute the reduction of inflammatory processes and cancer growth, for example, to the reduction of stress factors. Your physical long- term health should be a great motivator to provide more balance! By the way: stress typically leaves grim wrinkles on your face - so you will be able to see your inner balance!

Stress and the psychological consequences

But not only on the physical level long-term stress has consequences, but also on the mental level. Under constant strain we may feel helpless, determined by others, overwhelmed and listless. Some people react more and more irritated, are in a bad mood and can hardly concentrate anymore. In addition to poor concentration, creative blockages or forgetfulness can also occur. Sleep disorders, increased alcohol consumption, listlessness, sexual frustration, eating disorders or the inability to relax can also be consequences of prolonged stress situations. ADS, ADHD, burnout and anxiety disorders can also be secondary diseases due to prolonged stress situations. These are an alarm signal that the recovery phases after stress are not long enough. Thus the hormone level of the body cannot regulate itself and the maintenance measures of the body cannot begin. On the psychological level it means that the stress-inducing thoughts, which are usually based on fear, do not come to an end. On the one hand, overburdening due to the combination of career, leisure and family can be an external factor for stress and on the other hand, a negative inner attitude towards different situations can lead to internally produced stress.

Many people realize only late that they are in a stress cycle, which results from the fact that stress and negative thoughts influence each other. The deeper a person slides into the stress cycle, the more difficult it becomes to change the mental attitude to "inner balance", as the stress intensifies the negative thoughts, which in turn intensify the stress.

The connection between body and mind

Fortunately, our body signals us every second what it needs. Unfortunately, most of us have forgotten to listen to these sensitive messages or can no longer perceive them. So one morning we wake up with horrible neck tensions and wonder why we suddenly feel this strong pain. Suddenly, however, these pains do not come at all, we did not want to admit the previous less intrusive signs and suppressed them.

But why do we no longer follow our body feeling and listen to our innate instincts? Because in dangerous situations it can make sense to put your own feelings or aches and pains aside for a short moment in order to survive. When we are in a state of stress, this is exactly what happens: we no longer pay attention to our feelings and physical signs. Then lunch must be cancelled when time is short due to constant deadline pressure. The stress to which we are exposed in everyday life (or which we allow to happen!) is comparable to a real life- threatening situation for our body. If this stress condition persists for a longer period of time, we also ignore our physical and emotional needs over a longer period of time to ensure survival in an achievement-oriented society.

In this way, we distance ourselves more from our body every day until it finally makes it clear with clear signals that can no longer be ignored that the emotional and physical limits have been reached. Through the various exercises presented in this book, you will give your body and mind a well-deserved break and learn to pay more attention to your physical and mental health. You will notice that, over time, you will be able to act less through rational considerations and more through your stronger intuition. This means, for example, that you no longer know that you should drink at least one litre of water today, but that you feel your thirst. In this way you also feel when your physical and emotional limits have been reached - this is inner balance.

How inner balance shows itself in everyday life

So what does a day with inner balance look like? Now imagine the five biggest stress factors in your daily life and think about what it would be like without them. The ringing of the alarm clock would not cause you to be in a bad mood, a missed train would not make you go off your feet and a discussion with your unloved boss would not bring you to the brink of madness. Instead, the ringing of the alarm clock means a new day full of surprises and opportunities awaits you, the missed train is the perfect opportunity to pass by the bakery and dust off a second breakfast and the discussion with the boss is a way to straighten out the relationship between your boss and you and possibly explore new career prospects.

Here the everyday circumstances have not changed, but the attitude towards them and this means a big change for your emotional condition. As soon as a certain degree of inner balance is reached, it is also less difficult to change stress-inducing external factors sustainably. If you are relaxed, you are more likely to be prepared for a change of job or a spatial change, so you are open to new ideas. In most cases, prolonged stress often brings with it the feeling of "not being able to see the forest for the trees" or not being able to enjoy life itself. Inner balance also gives you the opportunity to feel grateful for the smallest things in life, to be happier, to master challenges better and to lead a more self-determined life.

Resilience

The small word "stress" has long since become a much-used fashion term, and not without reason. The number of mental illnesses due to overuse, especially in the workplace, is constantly increasing and more and more people are feeling the consequences of prolonged stress at the deterioration of their mental and physical health. In recent years, the number of days lost due to mental illness has risen dramatically - and continues to rise. It is therefore not surprising that scientists are increasingly asking themselves what helps people become more resistant to stress: Resilience - a seemingly invisible force that makes some people incredibly resilient.

The term originates from materials science and describes a substance that returns to its original shape after heavy exposure. In the psychological field, resilience thus describes the ability to find one's way back to oneself even after heavy stress, to find one's way back to inner balance and to set healthy limits in dealing with stressful situations. We find ourselves increasingly in a life situation in which we have ceased to listen to our physical, intuitive signals, but rather to orient ourselves predominantly towards the messages we receive from outside and make these our own behavioural repertoire.

Already in childhood the foundations for this resistance are laid. What is important here is a reliable person of trust, the assumption of responsibility in line with development, the opportunity for personal growth, continuous support, strong role models, personal freedom and healthy boundaries. Of course, not every human being has exactly these resources available in his childhood and accordingly we are all differently resistant when it comes to dealing with stress. Fortunately, we as adults also have the possibility to strengthen our resistance through various methods.