Kitabı oxu: «Seven Nights With Her Ex»

Praise for Louisa Heaton

‘I adored this book. The characters were refreshing and the story line was emotional and tugged at my heart.’

—Goodreads on A Father This Christmas?

‘The Baby That Changed Her Life moved me to tears many times. It is a full-on emotional drama. Louisa Heaton brought this tale shimmering with emotions.’

—Goodreads

‘You know that feeling you get after you read an incredibly awesome book...the feeling where you don’t know what to read next because the book you just read was so awesome...? That’s exactly how I feel.’

—Goodreads on The Baby That Changed Her Life

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Introduction

Dear Reader

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

Praise

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

EPILOGUE

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

WOW! THIS PLACE is amazing!

Dr Beau Judd drove her hire car into a vacant space outside the Gallatin Ranger Station in Yellowstone National Park. Silencing the engine, she looked out of her window and let out a satisfied sigh.

This was it. This was what she’d been looking for. A return to nature. The vast open expanses of the American wilderness. Huge sweeping plains of golden-yellow wild flowers, ancient stone outcrops, forests of pines and fir trees, beautiful blue skies and the kind of summer weather that people back in the UK could only dream of.

She grabbed her guidebook and flipped through the pages, determined to take every moment that she could to learn about where she was. Those golden flowers—bursting skywards like mini-sunflowers—what were they called? Beau flicked through to the flora and fauna section of her book and smiled.

Balsamroots. Perfect.

Her gaze fell to the text beneath the picture and her smile widened.

Native Americans would often use the sap of this plant as a topical antiseptic.

Now, wasn’t this what she was here for? To learn? And that plant was a perfect start to her new learning experience on the Extreme Wilderness Medical Survival Course. She’d spent too long cooped up in hospitals, on wards, in Theatre. Standing for hours, operating in the depths of a patient’s brain, gazing for too long at X-rays or imaging scans, stuck in small rooms passing along bad news, living in a sterile environment, never seeing the sky or enjoying the fresh air.

Her life had become the hospital. She’d even begun to forget what her flat looked like. There’d been too many nights spent sleeping in the on-call room, too much time spent with patients and their families, so that she hardly saw her own. Hardly had any friends apart from her work colleagues. Hardly saw anyone she cared about at all.

This next week would all be about Beau reclaiming herself. Getting back to grassroots medicine. Getting back to hiking—which she’d used to love, but she hadn’t worn a set of boots for years. Not unless they had a heel anyway.

She was one of the top neurologists in England. Had spent years building up her reputation, skill set and repertoire.

Now was the time to take some time out. For herself. Regroup. Do what she loved. Learn and hike in some of the most beautiful country on the planet.

Beau got out of the car and sucked in a lungful of fresh mountain air. Then she popped the boot so she could get her backpack out. She’d bought all new kit—tent, clothes, equipment, walking poles. All colour-coordinated in a gorgeous shade of red. Matches the hair, she thought with a smile as she tied a bandana around her head to keep her long auburn hair off her face.

The first day’s hike started today. She wanted to be ready. She didn’t want anyone having to slow down because of her. Here she would make friends—hopefully for life—and with this experience under her belt perhaps she could start thinking about doing that season at Base Camp, Everest. Her ultimate goal.

She slung the backpack over her shoulders, adjusting the straps, then closed the boot, locked it. Lifting her sunglasses, she strode over to the ranger station, ready to check in and meet the other hikers. Hopefully she wasn’t the last to arrive. She’d left Bozeman a whole hour earlier than she’d needed to, but still... She’d find out when she got inside.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the interior of the log cabin, and then she noticed the receptionist standing behind the counter.

‘Hi, there! I’m Dr Judd. I’m here for the Extreme Wilderness Medical Survival Course.’

‘Welcome to Yellowstone! And welcome to Gallatin. Let me see here...’ She ran a finger down a checklist. ‘Sure. Here you are.’ She ticked Beau’s name with her pen. ‘The others are waiting in the back. Go on through and help yourself to refreshments. They’ll be the last you’ll see for a while!’

Beau smiled her thanks and headed over to the door, from where she could already hear a rumble of voices in the next room.

This was it. The moment everything about her life would change! She would enjoy great new experiences. Get back to the basics of medicine and enjoy some survival training.

Plastering a huge smile on her face, she opened the door and scanned the room of faces, ready to say hi.

The smile froze on her face as she realised who was in the room with her.

A man whom she’d hoped never to see again.

Gray McGregor.

How was he even here? In this small ranger station? In Yellowstone Park? In America? What the heck was he doing? Why wasn’t he back in Scotland? In Edinburgh, where he was meant to be?

This had to be some sort of double. A doppelgänger.

We all have one, right?

The smile left her face and unconsciously she let her hand grip the door frame to keep her balance, wrong-footed suddenly by the shock of seeing him. Her centre of gravity was distorted by the backpack, but also by this imposter—the image of the man who’d broken her heart—standing in front of her.

Of all the parks in all the world, he has to be in mine.

The real Gray she’d not seen for... She thought quickly, her mind stumbling as much as she was, over numbers and years that suddenly wouldn’t compute. Her brain had flipped in a short circuit. Frozen. The ability to add up basic numbers was beyond her at this terrible moment in time.

And the clone just stood there, the smile that had been on his face before he’d become aware of her presence disappearing in the same way that clouds covered the sun. His eyes widened at the sight of her, the muscle in his jaw clenching and unclenching.

It is you.

The noise in the room quietened as the other backpackers sensed a change in the atmosphere, but then rose again slightly as they all pretended not to see.

It was all flooding back! All of it. The day she’d dressed in white for him. The hours spent getting her hair done at home, giggling and laughing excitedly with her hairdresser. Then the hour spent with the beautician, getting her make-up looking perfect. Putting on that dress, attaching the veil, taking hold of her bouquet and glimpsing herself in the mirror before the photographer had been allowed in to take pictures.

The joy and excitement of the day had been thrumming through her veins as with every picture taken, every smile she gave, every pose she stood for, she had imagined walking down that aisle to be with him. Anticipating the look on his face, the way he would smile back at her, the way they would stand side by side in front of the vicar...

Only, you weren’t there, were you, Gray?

The heartache this man had caused...

He looked a little different from the way she was used to seeing him. Back then he’d been fresh-faced, his dark hair longer and more tousled. Today his hair was cut shorter than she remembered, more modern, and he had a trim beard that was as auburn in colour as her own hair. And he was staring at her with as much shock in his own eyes as she was feeling.

But I’m not going to let you see how much you hurt me!

Deliberately she tore her gaze from him, tried to ignore her need to hurry to the bathroom and slick on a few more layers of antiperspirant, and walked over to one of the other hikers—a woman in a dark green polo shirt.

‘Hi, I’m Beau. Pleased to meet you.’

She turned her back on him, sure that she could feel his gaze upon her. Her body tensed, each muscle flooded with more adrenaline than it needed as she imagined his gaze trailing up and down her body.

Resisting the urge to turn around and start yelling at him, she instead tried to focus on what the other hiker was saying.

‘...it’s so good to meet you! I’m glad there’s another woman in the group. There’s three of us now.’

Beau smiled pleasantly. She hadn’t caught the woman’s name. She’d been too busy trying not to grind her teeth, or clench her fists, whilst her brain had screamed at her all the horrible things she could say to Gray. All the insults, all the toxic bile she had once dreamed of throwing at him...

All the pain and heartache he’d caused...she’d neatly packaged it away. Determined to get on with her life, to forget he’d ever existed.

What was he even doing here? Surely he wasn’t going to be on this course, too?

Of course he is. Why else would he be in this room?

Months this trip had taken her to plan and organise. Once she’d realised that she needed a change, needed to escape that cabin fever feeling, she’d pored over brochures, surfed the Net, checking and rechecking that this was the perfect place, the perfect course, the perfect antidote to what her life had become.

It was far enough away from home—from Oxford, where she lived and worked—for her to know that she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew. Who did she know anyway? Apart from her family and patients? And her colleagues? How many of them had planned a trip to Yellowstone at the same time as her? None. The chances of him doing the same thing, for the same week as her... Well, it had never even crossed her mind.

Why would it? She’d spent years forcing herself to not think of Gray McGregor. The damned Scot with the irrepressible cheeky grin and alluring come-to-bed eyes!

Eleven years. Nearly twelve. That’s how long it’s been.

Eleven years of silence. Why had he never contacted her? Apologised? Explained?

Like I’d want to hear it now anyway!

Outwardly she was still smiling, still pretending to listen to the other hiker, but inwardly... Inwardly a small part of her did want to hear what he had to say. No matter how pathetic it might be. Part of her wanted him grovelling and on his knees, begging for her forgiveness.

I’ll never forgive you, Gray.

Beau straightened her shoulders, inhaled a big, deep breath and focused on the other hiker—Claire. She was talking about some of the trails she’d walked—the Allegheny, the Maah Daah Hey.

Focus on her, not him.

‘That’s amazing. You walked those trails alone?’

‘Usually! I think you can take in so much more when you’ve just got to entertain yourself.’

Was he still looking at her? Was he thinking of coming over to speak to her? Beau stiffened at the thought of him approaching.

‘What made you come on this course?’ she asked.

‘Common sense. A lot of walkers I meet on trails are...shall we say, older than me? And when I was walking the Appalachian, this guy collapsed right in front of me. In an instant. I didn’t know what to do! Luckily one of his group was an off-duty responder and he kept the guy alive until the rescue team arrived. You never know when you’re gonna be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no medical assistance!’

Beau nodded.

‘What about you, Beau? What made you come on this course?’

‘I just wanted to get out and about, walking again. Somewhere beautiful. But somewhere I can still learn something. I want to work in the hospital tent on Everest at some point.’

‘Oh, my Lord! You’re braver than me! Are you a nurse, then?’

‘A doctor. Of neurology.’

‘My, my, my! You’ll no doubt put us all to shame! Promise you won’t laugh at my attempts to bandage someone?’

Beau didn’t think she’d be laughing at anyone. The mood of her trip had already changed. Just a few moments ago she’d been carefree and breathing in the mountain air, assuring herself that she’d made the right decision to come here. But now...? With Gray here, too?

She would make him see that she was not amused by his presence. She wasn’t anything! She had no energy to waste on that man. He’d been given more than enough of her time over the years and her life had moved on now. She was no longer the heartbroken Beau whom he had left standing at the altar. She was Dr Judd. Neurologist. Recommended by her peers. Published in all the exclusive medical journals. Award-winning, innovative and a leader in her field.

She would have nothing to do with him this next week, and if he didn’t like her cold shoulder, then tough.

Beau slipped off her backpack, put it to one side and went to make herself a cup of tea at the drinks station. It would probably be the last decent cup of tea she’d experience for a while, and she didn’t want to miss having it. They had time before they set out.

She kept her back to the rest of the room, studiously ignoring Gray.

He would have to get used to it.

* * *

Yellowstone National Park. Over three thousand miles away from his native Edinburgh. He’d travelled over the North Atlantic Ocean, traversed mile upon mile of American soil to make it here to Wyoming, this one small spot on the face of the whole planet, and yet... And yet somehow he had managed to find the one small log cabin in the huge vastness of a national park that contained the one woman he could not imagine facing ever again.

Why would he ever have expected to find her here? This wasn’t her thing. Being outdoors. Hiking. Roughing it in tents and having to purify her water before drinking it. Beau was an indoors girl. A five-star hotel kind of girl. Life for her had never been about struggle and survival. This should have been a safe place to come to. The last place he would have expected her to be. Wasn’t she a hotshot neurologist now? Wasn’t she meant to be knee-deep in brains somewhere?

Seeing her walk into the room had almost stopped his heart. He’d physically felt the jolt, unable to take in oxygen. His lungs had actually begun to burn before he’d looked away, breaking eye contact, his mind going crazy with questions and insinuations as heat and guilt had seared his cheeks.

You broke her heart.

You never told her why.

You deserve to suffer for what you did.

And he had suffered. Hadn’t he?

If only she knew how much he longed to go back and change what happened. If only she knew how much he’d hated himself for walking away, knowing what it would do to her but unable to explain why. If only she knew of how many nights he’d lain awake, thinking of how he could put right that wrong...

But how to explain? It was easy to imagine saying it, but actually having her here, right in front of him... All those things he wanted to say just stuck in his throat. She’d think they were excuses. Not good enough. Was she even in the right frame of mind to want to talk to him?

Beau had turned her back. Begun talking to another hiker. Claire, he thought she’d said her name was.

He took a hesitant step forward, then stopped, his throat feeling tight and painful. He wouldn’t be able to speak right now if he tried. She clearly wanted nothing to do with him. She was ignoring him. Spurning him.

I deserve it.

Other people in the room were milling about. Mixing, being friendly. Introducing themselves to each other. Gray allowed himself to fall into the crowd. Tried to join in. But his gaze kept tracking back to her.

She still looked amazing. Her beautiful red hair was a little longer than he recalled, wavier, too. She’d lost some weight. There were angles now where once there’d been curves, and the lines around her eyes spoke of strain and stress rather than laughter.

Was she happy in life? He hoped that she was. He knew she was successful. Her name had been mentioned in a few case meetings at work. He’d even suggested her once for a family member of an old patient. His own work in cardiology didn’t often give him reason to work with neurology, but he’d kept his ears open in regard to her. Keen to know that she was doing okay.

And she was. Though she had to have worked hard to have got where she had. So had he.

He watched from a distance as she mingled with the others, placing himself in direct opposition to her as she moved. The room was a mass of backpacks, hiking boots, men slapping each other on the back or heartily shaking each other’s hands as they listed their posts and achievements to each other. Two women at the back of the room sat next to each other, their backpacks on the floor as they sipped at steaming cardboard cups. The last taste of civilisation before they hit the wilds of America.

But all Gray could concentrate on now was Beau. And his own overwhelming feelings of regret.

Would simple words of apology be enough?

Would telling her about the many times he’d picked up the phone and dialled her number even be adequate? Considering that he’d never followed through? He had always cancelled the call before she’d had a chance to answer. And all the emails he had sitting in his ‘Drafts’ folder, addressed to her, in which he’d struggled and failed each time to find the right words... The times he’d booked to go to the same medical conference as her, hoping to ‘accidentally’ bump into her, but had then cancelled...

She’d just call me a coward. She’d be right.

He had been afraid. Afraid of stirring up old hurts. Afraid of making things worse. Afraid of hurting her more than he already had...

Time had kept passing. And with each and every day that came and went, it had become more and more difficult to make that contact.

What would have been the point? He could hardly expect forgiveness. Or reconciliation. An apology would mean nothing now. He’d broken things so irrevocably between them. How could he fix them now? He had nothing to offer her. Not then and certainly not now. He was broken himself. And even though he’d known that, years ago, he’d still asked her to marry him! He’d forgotten himself and what he actually was in the madness of a moment when he’d felt so happy. He’d believed anything was possible—got carried away on the possibility of love.

But he didn’t expect her to understand that. They’d come from two separate worlds and she’d known nothing of his family life. Of what it was like. He’d deliberately kept her away from his poisonous family. Kept her at a safe distance because she was so pure, so joyful, so full of life, believing in happy-ever-after.

She still wasn’t married. And that puzzled him. It had been all she’d ever wanted back then. Marriage. And children. It was what she had thought would complete her. After all, she’d said yes to his proposal and then just weeks later had started talking about children.

That was too much. That smacked the reality right back into me.

That was when the full force of not having thought through what he’d done had come to the fore. That was when he’d realised he couldn’t go through with it.

For a man who was an expert in hearts, he’d sure been careless with hers.

And it had almost killed him to know that he was doing it.

* * *

The tea wasn’t great. But she kept sipping it, swapping hands as the heat from the boiling hot water burned through the thin cardboard cup.

She was beginning to get over the shock and was now feeling calmer. She could even picture in her mind’s eye dealing with him quite calmly and nonchalantly if he decided to speak to her. She’d be cool, uninterested, dismissive.

That would hurt him.

Because Gray liked to be the centre of attention, didn’t he? That was why he’d done all that crazy adrenaline-junkie stuff. He’d passed it off as doing something for charity, but even then he’d wanted people to notice him, to say he was amazing or brave. That was why he’d done Ironman competitions, bungee jumps, climbed mountains and jumped out of planes. With a parachute, unfortunately.

He had always succeeded. People had always clapped him on the back and told him he was a great guy and he’d thrived on that. Had lived for that, doing more crazy things despite her always begging him not to. Had he listened? No.

So her ignoring him? Choosing not to notice him? That would have to sting a little.

Gray was an attractive man. Usually the most attractive man in a room. And he wasn’t just a pretty face, but a brilliant cardiologist, too—getting his papers published in the most prestigious medical journals, trying out new award-winning surgeries, being the toast of the town.

He could at least have had the decency to fail at something.

And not once had he called, or apologised, or explained. Even his family hadn’t had a clue—not that they’d spoken much to her. Even before the wedding. Perhaps that had been a clue?

Beau risked a quick glance at him, feeling all the old hurts, all the old pains, all the grief that she’d tried so unsuccessfully to pack away come pouring out as if they’d had the bandages ripped from them, exposing her sore, festering wounds.

She swallowed hard and looked away.

I will not let him see what he’s doing to me!

A rage she had never before experienced boiled over inside her and she suddenly felt nauseous with the force of it. She turned away from him, her hand trembling, and took another sip of her tea. Then another. And another. Until her stomach calmed and her hand grew more steady.

She let out a breath, feeling her brain frazzled with a million thoughts and emotions.

This course was meant to be an enjoyable busman’s holiday for her. Could she do it with him here?

There’s thirteen of us, including the guide. Surely I can just stay out of Gray’s way?

Beau had been looking forward to this adventure for ages. This was the moment her career and her life would take another direction and lead her to places she had never dared to go.

She’d thought about it carefully. Planned it like a military exercise. She’d excelled in her hospital work and was top of her game in neurology. Other neurologists who felt they could do no more to help their patients would suggest her as the patient’s next course of action. She was very often someone’s last chance at life.

And she excelled, knowing that. She lived for it. The staying up late, the research, the practice, the robotic assistance that she sometimes employed, the long, long and challenging surgeries. The eye for detail. The precision of her work.

Awards lined her office walls at home in Oxfordshire. Commendations, merits, honorary degrees. They were all there. But this...

This was what she craved. A week of living by her wits, experiencing medicine in the wild, using basic kit to attend to fractures, altitude sickness, tissue injuries, whilst hiking through some of the most stunning scenery on the planet.

Forget technology—forget the latest medical advancements. There would be no security blanket here. No modern hospital, no equipment apart from a few basics carried in a first aid kit and what she could find around her.

It was perfect.

Even if he was here.

High grey-white mountains, lush expanses of sweeping green and purple, firs and shrubs, thickets of trees hiding streams and geysers. It was a vast emptiness, an untamed wilderness in all its glory, and she would try to beat it. No. Not beat it. Work with it, around it, adapt it to her needs so she could succeed and get another certificate for her wall. Another trophy so that she could think about applying for Base Camp, Everest. So she could work at the hospital there.

That small medical tent, perched on the base of one of the world’s greatest wonders—that was her real aim. Her next anticipated accomplishment.

And there was no way she was going to let all that be ruined by the one man she’d once stupidly fallen in love with and given her heart to. The one man who had broken her into a million pieces. Pieces she still often felt she was still picking up.

She was still trying to prove to the world that she did have value. That she was the best choice. The only choice. His rejection of her had made her a driven woman. Driven to succeed at everything. To prove that he’d made a mistake in his choice of leaving her behind. To prove her worth.

Because I’m worth more than you, Gray. And I’ll prove it to you.

* * *

‘Yellowstone National Park is a vast natural preserve, filled with an ecosystem and diverse wildlife that, if you’re not careful, is designed to kill you.’

Mack, the ranger leading their group, tried to make eye contact with each person standing in the room.

‘There is danger in the beauty of this place, and too many people forget that when they come here and head off-trail. They’re so in awe of the mountains, or the steaming hot geysers, or the dreamlike beauty of a wild wolf pack loping across the plains, that they forget to be careful. To look where they’re going. We are going to be traversing land millions of years old, trying to be at one with nature, but most of all we are here to learn how to look after one another with the minimum of resources. Yes, this could be done in a classroom, but...’ he paused to smile ‘...where would be the fun in that?’

There was some laughter, and Gray noticed Beau smile. It was exactly the way he remembered it, lighting up her blue eyes.

‘Each of you will be issued with a standard first aid kit. When you receive it, you need to check it. Make sure it’s all there. That’s your responsibility. Then we’re going to buddy up. The buddy system works well. It ensures that no one on this adventure goes anywhere in the park alone and that there is always someone watching your back.’