The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 12, No. 342, November 22, 1828

Ancient Roman Festivals

NOVEMBER

(For the Mirror.)

The Epulum Jovis was a sumptuous feast offered to Jupiter on the 13th of November. The gods were formally invited, and attended; for the statues were brought in rich beds, furnished with soft pillows, called pulvinaria. Thus accommodated, their godships were placed on their couches at the most honourable part of the table, and served with the rich dainties, as if they were able to eat; but the epulones, or ministers, who had the care and management of the feast, performed that function for them, and no doubt did the part of gastronomic proxies with eclat.

The Brumalia was a feast of Bacchus, celebrated among the Romans during the space of thirty days, commencing on the 24th of November. It was instituted by Romulus, who used, during this time, to entertain the senate. During this feast indications were taken of the felicity of the remaining part of the winter.

P.T.W.

The Gatherer

 
"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."
 

SHAKSPEARE.

INNOCENT CONFESSION

A Lady at confession, amongst other heinous crimes, accused herself of using rouge. "What is the use of it?" asked the confessor. "I do it to make myself handsomer."—"And does it produce that effect?" "At least I think so, father."—The confessor on this took his penitent out of the confessional, and having looked at her attentively in the light, said, "Well, madam, you may use rouge, for you are ugly enough even with it."

MERCHANT TAILORS

A Clergyman hearing a remark made on the humility of the Merchant Tailors' motto, "Concordiâ parvae res crescunt" replied, "Yes, that is to say, nine tailors make a man."

RABELAIS

A JEU D'ESPRIT

 
In France they say
Lived RABELAIS,
A witty wight, and a right merry fellow.
Who in good company was sometimes mellow:
And,
Although he was a priest,
Thought it no sacramental sin—to feast.
I can't say much for his morality:
But for his immortality,
Good luck!
Why he's bound in calf, and squeezed in boards,
And scarcely a good library's shelf
But boasts acquaintance with the elf.
But now I'll tell you what I should have told before,
A grievous illness brought him nigh Death's door.
Who, bony wight,
Enjoyed the sight—
And grinn'd as he thought of the fun there'd be
When the jester had joined his company.
 
 
Rab's friends, good folk!
Thought it no joke
To the poor joker; they therefore sent around
For all the Esculapians to be found;
And in a trice
(For doctors always haste to give advice—
Mind—don't mistake—I mean when there's a fee)
They mustered two—to which add three.
 
 
Now about the bed
Is seen each learned head.
The patient's pulse is felt—with graver air
Each M.D. seats him in a chair.
Crosses his legs—leans on his stick, mums—hahs—and hums
Pulls out his watch—takes snuff—and twirls his thumbs.
At length,
The awful stillness broke—
As if from silence gathering strength
Most lustily they all did croak,
Their opinions mingling,
In discordant jingling—
"A purge"—"a blister"—"shave his head"
"Senna and salts"—"a clyster"—"have him bled,"
"A pill at noon"—"another pill at night,"
"A warm-bath, sure, would set him right."
Thus with purges and blisters,
Pills, bleeding, and clysters,
The poor patient they threatened
Should be deluged and sweatened.
 
 
Unable to endure the riot,
And wishing for a little quiet,
The sickman raised his head,
And said—
Gentlemen, I do beseech ye, cease your pother,
Nor any more with me your wise heads bother,
Scratching your wigs,
Like sapient pigs;
Whate'er you may decide is my disease,
I humbly do conceive a little ease
From your infernal noise and chatter.
With which I'm dunn'd
And nearly stunn'd,
Would greatly tend to mend the matter;
And if, perforce, I must resign my breath,
For heav'n's sake let me die a NATURAL death.
 

P.M.

AN AGITATOR

M. Monchenut, an old man of eighty, afflicted with the palsy, was arrested during the reign of terror, under suspicion of being an agitator. Being asked what he had to say to the accusation, "Alas, gentlemen, it is very true, I am agitated enough, God knows, for I have not been able to keep a limb still for these fifteen years."

CHINESE POLITENESS

There is one striking particular in which the Chinese politeness is quite the reverse of ours. To take off their caps when they salute one another, or even accidentally to appear uncovered, is esteemed the height of ill breeding and indecency.

HALBERT H.

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