“I know,” Brody replied quietly. “Doesn’t mean we can’t talk.”
“No.” Irena couldn’t seem to pull her eyes away from his lips. “It doesn’t.”
She was standing as close to him as a heartbeat. She could feel his breath on her face when he spoke. The feel of his breath on her skin stirred her.
Was she just being needy again?
Was she missing Ryan, struggling to put his memory to rest?
No, it wasn’t that. She’d made peace with all that. This was something else, something different.
All she knew was that she was very, very attracted to the man she had always considered her best friend.
Had it been there all along, waiting to be discovered?
By
MARIE FERRARELLA, a USA TODAY bestselling and RITA® Award-winning author, has written over one hundred and fifty novels for Mills & Boon, some under the name Marie Nicole. Her romances are beloved by fans worldwide. Visit her website at www.marieferrarella. com.
Available in September 2010
from Mills & Boon®
Special Moments™
The Texas Billionaire’s Bride
by Crystal Green
&
The Texas Bodyguard’s Proposal
by Karen Rose Smith
Kids on the Doorstep
by Kimberly Van Meter
&
Cop on Loan
by Jeannie Watt
The Texan’s Tennessee Romance
by Gina Wilkins
&
The Rancher & the Reluctant Princess
by Christine Flynn
Loving the Right Brother
by Marie Ferrarella
A Weaver Baby
by Allison Leigh
A Small-Town Temptation
by Terry McLaughlin
A Not-So-Perfect Past
by Beth Andrews
To
Gail Chasan,
for being kind enough
to include me in this
celebration of families
and for always being
such a mensch.
There was wilderness everywhere she looked. For all intents and purposes, civilization had vanished since she’d left Anchorage.
Nothing’s changed. Except for me.
After all this time, it seemed odd to return to a place she’d sworn she’d never set foot in again. A place that she had spent the first eighteen years of her life dreaming about leaving. And when she finally had, there’d been tears. Tears that had nothing to do with anticipated nostalgia.
They were the kind of tears generated by a broken heart.
In a way, it was a little like trying on an old sweater you knew you no longer wanted. Even so, the familiar feel of it against your skin evoked bittersweet memories you were heretofore certain you had either forgotten or at least successfully blocked out of your mind.
She didn’t want to remember.
But wasn’t that why she was coming back? Because she remembered?
Irena Yovich stared out the window, watching Hades, Alaska, growing from a speck to a 500-citizen town as one of the several “taxiplanes” owned by Kevin Quintano and his wife, June, drew closer.
The young woman piloting the small passenger plane was June Yearling, the best damn mechanic for two hundred miles the year that Irene had left Hades for Seattle and college. Everyone in Hades knew that if it had an engine, June could fix it. And now, according to what June was saying on this hundred-mile run from Anchorage to Hades, she was not only a successful businesswoman but she was a wife and a mother of two, to be expanded to three in the not-too-distant future.
June had been her best friend once. She’d been one of the very few who hadn’t gone behind her back to betray her. Possibly the only one, Irena thought with a trace of cynicism born in the wake of her rude awakening ten years ago.
“But when I heard you needed a ride from the airport, I told Kevin there was no way anyone else but me was flying the plane to bring you to Hades. He likes to give me a hard time because he doesn’t think a woman in my condition should be piloting a plane, but I got him to give in.” June ended with a gleeful, triumphant laugh. Her voice swelled with affection as she added, “Kevin’s really a good guy.”
Undoubtedly the last of a dying, if not dead, breed, Irena thought.
Since, as far as she could see, her friend wasn’t showing and, more to the point, when June had thrown her arms around her and hugged her, June’s stomach hadn’t made contact first, she couldn’t help asking, “Just how far along are you?”
“Only three months,” June tossed over her shoulder, then added, in a somewhat quieter voice, “and four weeks.”
Irena felt just the slightest bit of a smile touch her lips. June always had a way of twisting things in her favor. “Unless my math’s totally off, that’s actually four months.”
June sighed dramatically. “I know, I know, but I just had to see if it was you or someone else with the same name.”
Irena laughed out loud for the first time since she had gotten her grandfather’s phone call yesterday morning, telling her that Ryan Hayes was dead by his own hand. Thanks to June, some of the tension drained from her.
Temporarily.
“And just how many Irena Yoviches could there be?” she asked her old friend.
She saw June’s shoulders rise and fall beneath her fur-lined parka. “In Alaska, maybe not all that many, but in Russia, who knows? There’s no telling, but one of them might have wanted to check out a place that was named after hell and is frozen over for six months out of the year, cut off from the rest of the world except for our little passenger service. And the doctors’ planes, of course. Did I tell you that April’s married to a doctor?” June said, referring to her older sister. “Jimmy’s Kevin’s younger brother,” she added quickly. “He came to Hades to visit their sister Alison. She’s a nurse here—and married to Jean Luc. Max married their sister Lily. They met when she came up here to visit, too. Come for a visit and stay forever. We’re thinking of making it a city motto,” June teased.
God, the people in Hades certainly had been busy, getting married and having lives, Irena thought. It made her feel out of sync, even though she knew that when it came to a successful career, she undoubtedly had them all beat. But as of late, her career hadn’t been nearly the comfort it had been at first.
“Well, it’s me,” she said to June. “Does that make it worth the white lie you told your husband when you bent the truth?”
“Oh, Kevin’s pretty good at math,” June assured her. “Among other things.”
Irena’s view of June was restricted to the back of the latter’s blond head; but by the sound of it, there was a satisfied, mischievous smile on June’s lips.
“Good for you,” Irena said, genuinely happy for the way her friend’s life had turned out.
“So, how about you?” June pressed. “Are you married or anything yet?”
Ah, the question her mother managed to work into the conversation every time she called, Irena thought.
“No, I’m not ‘married or anything yet.’ And before you ask, there’s nobody special at the moment.”
She’d thrown in the last three words as camouflage. Despite the fact that she’d actually been engaged for a while a few years ago—a mistake from the moment she’d said “yes”—there hadn’t been anyone really special in her life. Not since Ryan. Even that had turned out to be a lie. Ryan had never been the person she’d thought he was.
No, she upbraided herself sternly. He’d turned out to be exactly the person she’d thought he was. She’d just believed he’d changed for her. God, how could she have been so naive? From the moment he’d hit puberty, Ryan Hayes had been the Hades resident “bad boy,” so good-looking that it’d been impossible for any female with a pulse to look at him without feeling instant infatuation.
In a state where there were seven men for every woman, Ryan Hayes had far more than his share of adoring females available to him. Tall, dark, with incredible green eyes and a look that made hearts pound wildly, he had been as faithful as a honeybee in the middle of spring, flying from one willing flower to the next. But for a while—three years to be exact—she’d believed Ryan when he had sworn that he was being faithful to her.
She’d believed him when he’d promised to go away with her to college. She remembered how proud of herself she’d been. Ryan was two years older than she was, and he’d had no intentions of furthering his education. She actually thought she’d talked him into it. She’d believed him when he told her that he’d been accepted by the same university that she had. Believed him even though he remained evasive whenever she asked to see his acceptance letter.
What an idiot she’d been. But she’d wanted to believe in him—in them—so much that, in hindsight, she’d stubbornly overlooked so many of the telltale signs. She’d thought that others, envious of Ryan’s looks and his money, were telling lies about him in an effort to break them up.
She went right on believing that they were destined for a fairy tale life and that everything was going to work out for the best. Until the night she walked in on him and Trisha Brooks without a stitch of clothing between them, obviously consumed with the intent to create their own fire.
As she ran out, she could almost literally feel her heart breaking within her chest. Stunned, she wasn’t sure which of them she’d been angrier with—Trisha who had always maintained that she was one of her closest friends or Ryan, to whom she’d given her heart and her soul as well as her body.
In the end, she forgave Trisha because she knew firsthand how persuasive Ryan could be, how just being around him could make a woman forsake her common sense. But she refused to forgive Ryan. She finally admitted that she had been deluding herself all that time about their future together. There was no future. Coming to grips with that had hurt like hell, because, even though she’d initially tried to resist, she’d wound up loving him with all her heart.
And she still loved him. An ache filtered all through her. Despite her ambitions, her goal to become a topflight criminal lawyer, her young world had revolved around Ryan. He was the center of everything for her.
Once she realized that he didn’t love her the way she loved him, her sense of loss was almost overwhelming. In the days that followed her discovery, she went into a tailspin, simultaneously numb and in agony. A sense of indifference came over her, holding her prisoner. She was going to give it all up—her ambitions, her dreams of being a lawyer, college, everything. Not to remain with Ryan, she knew there was no way that was going to happen, but because she’d lost her drive, her spark, her very focus.
It was her grandfather, Yuri, who sat down with her and slowly, patiently, talked her back to the land of the living. And it was Yuri who, filled with pride and together with her mother, came to see her graduate with top honors three years later. And again three years after that when she graduated from law school.
She’d fast-tracked her studies for both her undergraduate and her law degree. She deliberately excluded everything and anything that didn’t have to do with her studies. For six years, she didn’t have a personal life outside of those times when her grandfather and her mother came to visit her. It was the only way she could get over Ryan.
After law school, she’d gone to work at one of the most prestigious law firms in Seattle, Farley & Roberson. When her mother, Wanda, realized that she was never coming back to Hades, she had moved down to Seattle to be with her. Shortly after her move, Wanda, having lost her husband to a mining accident more than twenty years ago, met someone. A year later, she was Mrs. Jon Alexander and happy beyond belief.
Irena supposed that, in an indirect way, she had Ryan to thank for her mother’s happiness. Wanda Yovich would have never moved to Seattle and wound up being Wanda Alexander if she hadn’t told her mother she was never coming back to Hades. Because of Ryan.
Irena leaned her forehead against the window, looking at the desolate land.
Funny how “never” wound up having a finite life span. But she knew in her heart once she received her grandfather’s phone call telling her that Ryan Hayes had been found dead by his younger brother, Brody, when he’d come home two nights ago, that she was going back to Hades. There was no way she could stay away.
Ten years ago, after her grandfather’s pep talk, she’d come to terms with the fact that she and Ryan would never be married, that the very concept of their marriage would have been a disaster waiting to happen. But she had to admit she felt absolutely awful as she tried to imagine a world without him.
Even now, as she waited for June to finally land the small passenger plane, Irena could feel her eyes beginning to sting once more as the impact of the loss struck her again.
Get angry, idiot. In the end, he treated you like dirt. You know that. He’s not worth your tears.
But it wasn’t in her to be angry—not anymore. Time and distance had allowed her to view the past in a calmer frame of mind. She wasn’t that heartbroken eighteen-year-old. She was twenty-eight and, having dealt with a larger cross-section of humanity in Seattle than she ever could have if she’d remained in Hades, she viewed things differently now. She could see why Ryan had been the way he had, at least in part.
When it came to the reasons for Ryan’s wanton, misguided behavior, there was an incredible amount of blame to lay at more than just one doorstep. For starters, nothing was expected of him. Born to wealth, he had none of the pressures that the average person in Hades was faced with. Ryan didn’t have to hustle, didn’t have to try to help support his family, or even himself for that matter. Life didn’t present him with any challenges, other than seeing just how many women he could bed.
In addition, he had no immediate role models to turn to. Certainly not his father. Eric Hayes had moved to Alaska, specifically to Hades, with his two young sons when he’d lost his wife in a freak boating accident. At the time, Hades was as far away from humanity as he could go without literally moving into a cave.
Some people said that the reason for his downward spiral was because he couldn’t live with the guilt of knowing that he might have been able to save his wife from a watery grave but had been too involved in saving himself to notice that she had fallen overboard, as well. The only way Eric could find to get even temporary respite from the inner pain was to anesthetize himself with alcohol. As time passed, it took more and more to achieve numbness.
He passed that lesson on to his older son. Ryan had once boasted to her that he’d had his first drink, served to him by his father, when he was nine. At the time, not wanting to be judgmental, she’d told herself that it was just Ryan’s way. That he could walk away from drinking any time he wanted to. The problem was that he didn’t want to.
But she was so blindly in love with him, so certain that he loved her back until that fateful evening. In the months that followed, she’d often wondered if Ryan wanted her to discover him with Trisha. He knew her penchant for turning up early. Did he thrive on the wild rush of getting away with it, or had he wanted to show her that he wanted to move on? He had to have known that finding him like that would devastate her. And he had still done it.
He’d been a piece of work, all right, Irena thought now, trying desperately to shut away the memories. A piece of work and she was an absolute fool for having loved him as much as she had.
And for still having feelings for him.
“Wait until you see Hades.” June suddenly spoke up, trying to fill the silence that seemed louder than the plane’s small engine.
June anticipated Irena’s reaction to the town she hadn’t seen in the last ten years as she began the plane’s slow descent.
The airstrip where their small fleet of passenger planes were housed was just up ahead. June smiled to herself. Hades really was growing, she thought fondly. And more than just a little. She and Kevin had slowly built up their business. They now had their own air taxi service as well as her original auto repair store. Kevin had encouraged her to buy it back shortly after the wedding. It was as if he’d sensed what it really meant to her. Which was why she loved him so much. He understood her.
“You won’t recognize the place.”
Irena laughed shortly. “That’s good, because I didn’t care for the old Hades.”
It was a sentiment shared by a great many of the young people in the area. The moment they turned eighteen, many left to find a life less desolate, or, as in the case of Hades, wasn’t isolated from the rest of the world for six months of the year. They all felt that Alaska was a good place to be from, but definitely not to live.
“Oh, it wasn’t so bad,” June told her. She herself had never experienced that urge to flee the way so many, including her older sister, April, had. “But it’s really been growing these last ten years. Ike’s turned into a real entrepreneur. He and Jean Luc have really helped build up the place.”
“Ike?” Irena echoed in surprise. “The guy who runs the Salty Dog Saloon?”
“The very same one,” June told her. There was no missing the pride in her voice. “He’s gotten things really moving around here. We’ve got a hotel now, and just last year, Ike and Jean Luc brought a movie complex to Hades. And they’ve expanded the general store. You wouldn’t recognize it.”
Irena laughed, shaking her head. June’s verbal list of changes fell woefully short of progress in her book. “Wow, that puts the town into what, the middle of the twentieth century? Only sixty more years to catch up, I guess.”
June spared her one glance before focusing back on the runway up ahead.
“Nothing that a good mall and a good lawyer can’t fix,” she told her friend. “You know, we still don’t have a really good lawyer in Hades. We would if you came back.” Her teasing tone vanished as she suddenly braced herself. “Hang on, Irena. This last patch can be a little rough.”
Irena was about to tell her there wasn’t enough money in the world to tempt her to make her return permanent. That she was more than satisfied practicing law in Seattle. Granted, she was only one of a large group of lawyers, but that was just fine. She didn’t need the pressure of being the only defense lawyer in a hundred-mile radius. The pace in Seattle was hectic, but still far more to her liking than life in Hades had ever been.
For the moment, she was too busy holding her breath and gripping the armrests to say any of that. The somewhat choppy flight ended with an even choppier landing. Irena continued clutching the armrests until the plane stopped moving. When it finally came to a halt, she realized that her legs felt rubbery. Getting out of the plane was going to be tricky.
June unbuckled her seat belt and turned around, smiling broadly and obviously pleased with herself.
“Got your money’s worth that time,” she declared. “The landing turned out better than I thought.”
“Right,” Irena murmured, more to herself than to June. “We could have crashed.”
“You’re a lot less optimistic than I remember you,” June said, only half kidding.
The next moment, a tall, handsome man with just a smattering of gray at his temples had thrown open the small plane’s door. His attention was directed to June and not the plane’s single passenger.
“That’s it, June,” he told her firmly. “No more flying for you until the baby’s here.”
“Honey, you’re not showing your best side,” June chided.
“That’s because my ‘best side’ had a heart attack, watching you land the plane,” he informed her, helping her down.
On the ground, June turned and watched Kevin help her friend down. She smiled beatifically, as if to erase the dialogue that had just transpired.
“Irena, I want you to meet my husband, Kevin. And he doesn’t always frown like this.”
“Only when June’s determined to give me a heart attack,” Kevin explained, setting the plane’s lone passenger down on the ground beside his wife. Kevin extended his hand to her. “I’m Kevin Quintano.”
Irena nodded, thinking that he had kind eyes. She took his hand and shook it. “Irena Yovich.”
“Yovich,” Kevin repeated. Surprised, he glanced at June before asking, “Any relation to Yuri Yovich?”
About to pick up her suitcase, she watched Kevin take it for her. “He’s my grandfather.”
The three of them walked to the small terminal that mostly housed his office and the tools that June used to work on the planes.
“I guess that makes us kind of related,” Kevin speculated, “Since Yuri married June’s grandmother, Ursula.”
Work, as well as a desire not to run into Ryan, had kept her from the wedding; but she’d had her grandfather and his new wife to her home, where she’d held a reception for them that included her mother and her stepfather. “Ursula isn’t still the postmistress, is she?”
“Of course she is,” June assured her. “The only way my grandmother would ever stop being Hades’s postmistress is when they carry her out of the office, feet first.”
Irena nodded. Ursula had been the postmistress in Hades for as long as she could remember. “Things really haven’t changed all that much,” she concluded.
“You’d be surprised,” June contradicted. They stopped before the terminal. “Look, if you haven’t got a place to stay, I’d love to put you up at our place.”
Irena smiled as she shook her head. “Thanks, but my grandfather said he’d never forgive me if I didn’t stay with him and his ‘bride.’”
June nodded. She knew that her step-grandfather meant it. A sense of family was very important for survival out here.
“They’re very cute together,” she confided. “And,” June added happily, “best of all, he’s not showing any sign of wearing out.”
“Wearing out?” Irena echoed, not following June’s meaning.
“My grandmother buried three husbands,” June reminded her. “She’s a very vibrant lady for someone in her late seventies.”
“Vibrant,” Kevin echoed with an amused grin. “I think the word that June is looking for is ‘lusty.’”
Irena thought about the colorful postmistress who was also the keeper of the town’s gossip. Apparently, just as she thought, despite the new coats of paint that had been applied here and there, not all that much had really changed here.
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.