“’Course I do,” he said, a little rougher than he’d intended.
“When you proposed to me, you said you wanted us to have a family. A big one. You meant it, didn’t you?” she persisted.
Drew had nothing to go on now but blind faith, because she’d already left him, and if not for the concussion, Gabrielle wouldn’t be here now, in his arms, asking him to help her make a baby.
Blind faith.
Lord, he prayed silently, You’ve got to help me out here, ’cause I’m skatin’ on thin ice.
In thirteen years as a writer, Loree Lough has published over thirty inspirational novels for adults and kids, nonfiction books for juveniles, more than two thousand articles and dozens of short stories. She teaches writing and, even off duty, rarely stops talking about it. Loree lives in Maryland with her husband, Larry (who wears earplugs), and a twelve-year-old cat named Mouser (who can’t tell a mouse from a kibble).
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another even as God, for Christ’s
sake, hath forgiven you.
—Ephesians 4:32
To Elice and Valerie:
beloved daughters, dear friends.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue
Letter to Reader
Gabrielle leaned in close to the horse’s neck, her hair rippling behind her like a cinnamony cape. “C’mon, Triumph,” she said, snapping the reins, “give me all you’ve got.” The animal’s response told her he’d missed their morning runs every bit as much as she had.
Since leaving Drew just over nine months ago, her visits to the Walking C had been rare. If not for love of Triumph—and riding—Gabrielle didn’t think she’d have come back to the ranch.
Ever.
Pounding hooves drummed in harmony to her fast-beating heart. It reminded her of the perfectly syncopated rhythm of parade drums, and she relished each rib-thumping pulsation. The more rigorous and rapid the ride, the more free she felt. If only she could find this kind of freedom on her own two feet.
True to his nature, Drew had not used Triumph to punish her for filing the separation papers. “You’re welcome to come back and ride him any time,” he’d said in his quiet, controlled way. “I promise to make myself scarce when you do.”
Thankfully, he’d usually kept his word. Whether the dust cloud raised when her compact car chugged up the drive was his signal to disappear, or whether one of the hired hands had warned him of her arrival, Gabrielle didn’t know.
But he’d received no such notice of her approach today; if he had, they both would have been spared that awkward, cheek-reddening scene in the barn.
Gabrielle tightened her hold on the reins. “You’d think he would’ve adjusted to the separation by now,” she said into the wind. Triumph’s caramel-colored ears swiveled back at the sound of her voice, but she barely noticed. Gabrielle was far too busy remembering the expressions that flitted across her soon-to-be ex-husband’s face when he looked up from his work and saw her standing in the doorway, bit in one hand, bridle in the other. His whole face lit up with a smile, exactly the way it used to when she carried a glass of lemonade or a sandwich into the barn and insisted he take a much-deserved break. “You’d work straight through from dawn ’til dark if I didn’t insist you stop now and then.” If she had a dollar for every time she’d said that…
That bewildered, little-boy-lost expression had replaced his happy-to-see-her smile. Who’s seeing to it he gets enough rest now that you’re gone? she wondered.
Guilt coursed through her. Without her, it was a sure bet no one was making sure that Drew ate well, that his shirts were pressed, that he rested enough. And even if someone tried, Gabrielle acknowledged, it wasn’t likely that mule-headed man would listen. If he worked himself into an early grave, it was none of her concern. But…who was going to stop him from doing just that, now that she was gone? She’d felt partly to blame for that, just as she felt responsible for the dark stare that replaced his bright smile once his memory kicked in and he realized she was there to ride his horse—not to see him.
Sensing his mistress’s tension, Triumph snorted.
“Sorry, boy. It’s okay.” As though he understood her soft, soothing words, the horse ran a bit faster over the tattered trail, ran at a pace that reminded Gabrielle of the way things had started up between her and Drew….
A year ago May—three short months after meeting him—she’d agreed to become his wife. He’d seemed so sure of himself, saying he’d prayed on it, saying he felt the Lord wanted the two of them together, forever. Gabrielle hadn’t even thought to ask God’s opinion on the subject of marriage; she’d never asked His counsel before.
Gabrielle exhaled a sigh of agitation, and the horse’s ears rotated toward her again. “Don’t pay any attention to me, sweetie.”
“Attention,” she repeated, frowning. She’d studied dozens of women’s magazine articles that listed ways wives could encourage more attention from their husbands. Not one of those articles contained the advice Gabrielle sought: how to dissuade attention. Like when she’d make lasagna, and he’d sweeten the sauce with a teaspoon of sugar.
Life as Drew’s wife hadn’t been perfect, even before that dreadful night, but Gabrielle had never been a quitter. And though she’d never been a dyed-in-the-wool Christian, like Drew, she believed wholeheartedly in the “’til death us do part” vow they’d made at the altar. But since that awful night, whenever sleep eluded her, she’d gone to the window and stared up at the stars, wishing for a way to turn back the clock. Maybe if she could do everything over again, she’d anticipate that he’d go off half-cocked. Maybe then she could act faster…do something to keep Drew from—
Biting back bitter tears of regret, Gabrielle shook her head. There was no point in dwelling on it now. What’s done is done, and there’s no undoing it.
Triumph, reading her turbulent mood, increased his speed. She’d ridden the horse hundreds of times during her marriage to Drew, and had learned to read the animal’s moods well. Riding him was exhilarating, exciting, but he definitely was not a horse for beginners.
Mere days before she left the Walking C Ranch for good, Drew had said, “He’s as stubborn and single-minded as they come. I reckon that’s why you get on so well with him—you’re two of a kind.”
He’d been grinning when he said it, but the smile never quite made it to his eyes. He saw her as stubborn and single-minded, because she didn’t always agree with him. Jaws clamped with determination, she felt her heartbeat accelerate—in response to the wild ride, or because of the testy Wish I’d said this or that retorts pinging in her mind?
The wind whistled past her ears and the rocky trail whizzed by beneath Triumph’s galloping feet. Stubborn? Single-minded? You’re a fine one to talk, Drew Cunningham.
Her father used to call her stubborn, too, every time she disagreed with him. Which happened whenever he got it into his head to move to a new place.
“Can’t we stay here, at least long enough for me to finish the school year?” By the time Gabrielle graduated high school, she’d asked the question a dozen times. Without fail, her words fell on deaf ears, and no matter how sincere—or pathetic—her plea, her dad went ahead and loaded their suitcases into his cramped station wagon with a promise that one day they’d settle down. Then he would pull out his battered road atlas and, eyes shut, he’d choose a page, his forefinger pinpointing their next “home.”
Sulking alone in the back seat, she’d wondered why her mother never complained about the frequent moves. If she ever got married, Gabrielle had told herself—all twelve times—it would be to a man who’d stay in one place, forever.
Triumph’s head bobbed just as an age-old adage came to mind: Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. Well, Gabrielle thought, laughing bitterly to herself, she had to admit, she got what she asked for. Drew was as rooted as a man could get. Rooted, and rigid, and controlling. A sob replaced the laughter. You promised me things, Drew. If only you’d kept your word—
She blamed the sharp scent of pine in the air for the tears stinging her eyes. She swiped them away with the back of a leather-gloved hand, then jammed her wide-brimmed black hat lower on her forehead. Few things riled Gabrielle more than her own tears. She saw them as a sign of weakness, proof that she was every bit the needy female her husband seemed so determined to protect and shelter. But shelter from what? In a few weeks, she’d be twenty-eight years old. Twenty-eight, married barely more than a year, and already about to be divorced.
Anger—at herself, for giving in to the tears; at Drew for not being the man she’d thought he was—prodded her to give the stallion yet another command: “Run, Triumph!”
He seemed only too happy to oblige, and raced over ditches carved by creeks feeding from the Great Fishtail River, around boulders that had rolled down from Granite Peak, through stands of spruce, to a barren plateau at the river’s edge.
Immediately, Gabrielle recognized the place, and her heart did a little flip.
It had been a glorious fall day, much like this one, when the crisp scent of pine filled the air. Now, however, dozens of trees lay flat, their broken stumps reaching like jagged fingertips toward the blue Montana sky. The thunderstorm that had blown through the county last week was responsible for this devastation, but in time, Gabrielle knew, nature would repair the storm’s destruction.
If only time could fix what Drew did to their marriage that terrible night.
Suddenly she realized that exasperation over her marital situation had made her careless, irresponsible, reckless. At this speed, one misstep could cause Triumph to break a leg, or worse.
“Easy, boy,” she called, yanking hard on the reins, “you’re not a racehorse, y’know.” She strained to slow him down, but as Drew had so astutely pointed out, Triumph had a mind of his own.
Miraculously, he thundered through the woods unscathed, and as they rounded the river’s bend, sunlight bleached the grassy knoll ahead, making the willowy weeds appear to have been dusted with snow. Anxiously, she guided the steed around gnarled trees that sprouted from the stony soil, providing patches of shade for livestock, and over clumps of wildflowers that brightened the land with surprising splashes of color. Finally, the beast slowed, came to a halt, and Gabrielle breathed a ragged gasp of relief—
Until she spotted the sidewinder, lazily sunning itself on a flat rock a few yards ahead. In an eyeblink, the snake reacted to the vibration of hammering hooves, and drew itself into a tight coil. Head raised and tongue flicking menacingly, it prepared to strike.
Gabrielle jerked at the reins—too late, for Triumph had seen the rattler at almost the same moment.
He reared up, front hooves alternately pawing the air and stomping the ground, back legs thrashing left, right, left. He threw his head back far enough for Gabrielle to see his flattened ears, curled lips, and panicky, wild-rolling eyes. He cut loose with a high-pitched trumpet, gave one mighty buck…and sent Gabrielle soaring.
Shielding her eyes from the harsh sunlight, Gabrielle sat up and groaned softly. Every part of her, it seemed, had an ache of its own. Instinctively, she touched her throbbing temple. “Yee-ouch!” she whispered, wincing in response to the stinging pain. The lump was the size of a hen’s egg. “What in the world…?” The sight of blood on the fingertips of her leather glove silenced her, and Gabrielle’s frown deepened.
Dazed, she tried to get a fix what had happened, on where she was.
She recognized the river and the rocky terrain surrounding it, but couldn’t remember heading for the plateau. And how had she gotten all twisted up in the underbrush? she wondered, carefully peeling herself from the thorny shrubbery alongside the trail.
The last thing Gabrielle recalled was saddling Triumph for their morning run, and Drew waving goodbye. “I love you,” he’d called after her, raising his steaming mug of coffee in the air in a farewell salute, “so mind your Ps and Qs out there, y’hear?” She smiled now, and her heartbeat quickened as she pictured the handsome face of her brand-new husband.
But where was Triumph? Through narrowed eyes, she scanned the skyline, expecting to catch a glimpse of him grazing nearby. Instead, she spied the trampled remains of a rattlesnake. Wrinkling her nose, she gasped. “There’s one sidewinder that learned what happens when a snake spooks a horse,” she muttered, putting two and two together.
She’d fallen off a horse enough times to know that occasionally the landings could be rough. Real rough. On her sixteenth birthday, for example, afraid that she might hurt her father’s boss’s beautiful new mare, she hadn’t cinched the saddle tightly enough. Gabrielle’s “kindness” had cost her, and she’d zigzagged around the corral at a forty-five-degree tilt—until she hit the ground. That time, it was hours before the buzzing in her brain went away.
Now, brushing dirt and grit from the seat of her jeans and the elbows of her suede jacket, she told herself this had been one of those falls, nothing more. Unfortunately, she thought, grimacing as she peeked through one squinting eye at the horizon, without Triumph, it would be a long hike back to the Walking C.
A wave of dizziness nearly knocked her down again. Easing up to the riverbank, she belly-crawled toward the water, mindful to keep a careful distance from the dead rattler. She stripped off her gloves. It felt good, pressing a cold palm against the bump on her head. Filling cupped hands with icy, mountain-fed water, she drank her fill.
Gradually, as the jitters subsided, she perched on the boulder, arms hugging her jeans-clad legs, and surveyed the territory. It had been a while since she’d taken the time to enjoy the view this way, what with keeping the ranch house clean and the ranch hands fed. The vista was like no other place on earth—and Gabrielle had seen her share of places, thanks to her dad’s nomadic spirit. Here was an explosion of color and scent, from the sunlit mountain peaks to the twisting river below, from the pale azure sky to the pillowy green of faraway treetops.
An eagle screeched overhead as a fuzzy white mountain goat skittered down a rocky slope, a kid close on its heels. Cottony clouds sailed silently by, so close, it seemed to Gabrielle that she could reach up and touch them. She stared with pride at the pink snow that dappled the mountaintop, knowing Montana was just one of a handful of places in the world where it existed.
Sapphires, garnets and smoky quartz hid deep beneath the rich soil. And down the road, abandoned mining towns. No matter which way she looked, Gabrielle felt life pulsing in this land.
Moose and bear, bison and pronghorn shared this place with geese and ptarmigan and saw-whet owls. In the springtime, nodding yellowbells and shooting stars made way for summer’s daisies. Now, fall’s wild mums were in full bloom.
Gabrielle remembered the first time she’d been here—when Drew had led the way. There had been snow in the foothills of Beartooth Plateau that day—not so remarkable for a Montana autumn. But he’d packed a picnic lunch, and that had been memorable. After spreading a red-checkered tablecloth on this very rock, he’d set out the food and utensils, then pulled her onto his lap. “There’s something in my shirt pocket for you,” he’d told her, brown eyes twinkling with mischief.
It turned out “something” was a half-carat solitaire set in a plain gold band. She’d always been mesmerized by his deep, grating baritone, but never more than on that afternoon, when he cradled her chin in a work-calloused hand and said, “Will you marry me, Gabby, and change your last name from Lafayette to Cunningham?”
Had it been the love blazing in his dark eyes, or the whispery growl in his voice that prevented her from telling him how much she’d always hated that nickname? “Yes,” she’d said instead, kissing him so soundly that she knocked the Stetson from his head. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
The sweet memory induced a deep sigh and a fond smile, and gave her the final resolve to get to her feet and head home.
Home, where her husband waited.
There wasn’t a minute to waste when she fell, she’d broken her wristwatch. Behind the cracked crystal, the unmoving hands said 11:35. She’d been a rancher’s wife long enough to know a thing or two about life on the range; the position of the sun, high in the sky, told her it was past noon. She tried not to think about the fact that she’d been unconscious for nearly thirty minutes, or the fact that she wasn’t exactly sure how far Triumph had carried her from the highway.
Better get a move-on, girl, ’cause you have a lot of ground to cover before sundown, and you promised to make Drew lasagna, to celebrate your two-month anniversary.
As she headed toward the highway, Gabrielle recited her favorite Robert Frost poems, memorized as an English assignment in junior high. She sang “The Star Spangled Banner” and hummed a few bars of “Swanee.” She picked a handful of the wildflowers growing along the trail, made a lei of them by linking stems. But nothing, not even recounting those wonderful moments at the altar when she’d become Mrs. Drew Cunningham, could distract her from the throbbing in her head.
A battered blue pickup truck rolled to a stop beside her, tires crunching on the gravel, brakes squealing in protest.
“Hey, Troy,” she said, sending him a halfhearted grin.
“What you doin’ all the way out here in the middle of nowhere?”
She opened her mouth to respond, then snapped it shut. Strange, she thought, heart pounding as she struggled to remember, but she didn’t know what she was doing out here.
“You okay, Gabby?” Troy pressed. “You’re lookin’ a mite peaked.”
Shaking her head, Gabrielle frowned. “Pee-kid?”
He got out of the truck and walked around to her side. “Lemme have a look at you, girl.” Hands on her shoulders, he tilted his head up and peered down his long narrow nose to study her face. Bushy gray brows drew together in the center of his tanned forehead. “Got yourself a nice li’l goose egg there on your temple,” he observed. His blue-eyed gaze took in her attire, focused for a moment on the rip in the knee of her jeans. “How’d that happen?” he asked.
Blinking and frowning, Gabrielle could only muster the energy to shake her head.
Troy grabbed her elbow, steered her toward his pickup. “Nice boots,” he said.
She looked at her feet. Funny, she didn’t remember having purchased new riding boots. Wrinkling her nose in puzzlement, she removed her hat and ran a hand through her hair. “Um, thanks.”
“Been ridin’ that ornery beast of Drew’s again, ain’t ya?”
“Triumph?” She smiled. “Why, he isn’t the least bit—”
“Don’t give me that,” he interrupted. “Been ’round horses long enough to know a mean’un when I see it. And that’s a mean’un. Belongs in a rodeo, not on a ranch, if you ask me.”
Gabrielle nodded and took a deep breath, hoping the extra oxygen would nudge her memory.
“Looks to me like that critter threw you, li’l lady.” The passenger door groaned when he jerked it open. “Get on in there, missy. Drew would have my hide if I was to leave you out here all by your lonesome. Besides, the buzzards are likely to mistake you for a—”
Gabrielle stumbled. Had it not been for the grizzled cowboy’s quick response, she would have ended up a puddle of denim and leather, right there on the highway.
“Good grief, Gabby,” he sputtered, steadying her, “you’re white as a bedsheet.”
Troy helped her into the truck, stuffing her hat in after her. Peering down his long nose again, he gently tucked her hair behind her ear and inspected the bump on her head. “That bag o’ bones really did throw you a good one, didn’t he?”
Grimacing, Gabrielle swallowed. “Troy,” she whimpered, holding her stomach, “I think I’m going to be—”
In an instant, he helped her to the roadside, then held her steady until the spasms subsided. When the gut-wrenching spell ended, he casually blotted the corners of her mouth with a faded blue bandanna.
“Happens sometimes when you crack your crown,” Troy said matter-of-factly. “Why I remember once when…”
She couldn’t hear him above the ringing in her ears, couldn’t see much past the white fog that dimmed her vision. But somehow, thankfully, Troy managed to get her into the truck. Gabrielle sat stock-still, nodding and smiling politely, pretending to take in his every word as the beat-up old truck rattled down the road.
Leaning limply against the headrest, she took a peek at her wristwatch and groaned in frustration. Still 11:35…exactly what it had said the last hundred times she’d checked the time. The broken crystal could probably be repaired, but she wasn’t so sure about the buttery leather band.
Her mother had given this watch to her father. Aside from her own wedding band, it was Gabrielle’s single most treasured possession.
Closing her eyes, Gabrielle sighed, conjuring the image of the photograph of her mother, Leah. No matter where they’d lived, it had been on Gabrielle’s bedside table—full color, eight inches by ten.
When she was a little girl, Gabrielle had often made her father tell the story of the day he’d taken that picture. Her parents had been on their honeymoon, traveling the west coast highways, when Leah spotted a rainbow.
“She nearly gave me a black eye, pointing at the thing,” Jared had said, laughing softly at the memory. “So I parked our car there on that country road, and stood her beside the fence.”
It was waist high and made of gray rocks and stones. Jared told his daughter how he’d picked Leah up and perched her on that wall and said, “Smile pretty for me now….”
Gabrielle could almost touch the photo, the memory was so clear: her mother, knees bent and legs hugged to her chest, head tilted ever so slightly, love for her new husband radiating from her smile, from her pale gray eyes, her image haloed by a wide-arched, six-color rainbow that touched the ground at both ends.
The pounding in Gabrielle’s head made her forget the picture and the watch. She’d fallen before, but she’d never experienced pain like this, and it was beginning to frighten her.
“…and that’s how I got this scar alongside my jaw,” Troy was saying. “Horse with a temperament just like that Triumph’s. Belongs in a rodeo, not on a ranch,” he said again.
Gabrielle smiled weakly, grateful that Troy had happened along. She’d never minded being alone in the wilderness during the daytime, because Drew had drummed into her head how to survive, should she ever be stranded out here. She’d been a good student and had learned how to build a roaring fire even from damp wood, how to tell edible berries from the poisonous kind, how to construct a lean-to of sorts from the branches of blue spruce as protection from the elements. In the bright light of day, she was as brave as any man.
But when the sun slid behind Granite Peak like a giant gold coin disappearing into a slot, Gabrielle’s bravado faded, and she quaked with terror of the unseen…and the unknown.
“There’s nothing in the dark that isn’t in the light,” Drew had said time and again. He’d intended his words to comfort and console her, to eradicate her fears—and she loved him for that. But as the old folks liked to say, her daddy didn’t raise a fool. She knew full well what lurked deep in the brush: creatures of every sort and size, some predators, others prey—each with its own instinctive need to survive. And Gabrielle had no desire to be the meal that quenched a hungry appetite.
As if in answer to a prayer she hadn’t even said, her mother’s sweet face appeared in her mind’s eye, and Gabrielle couldn’t help but smile.
She was now the proud owner of the few pieces of jewelry that had belonged to her mother. Costume stuff, mostly, that Leah had collected in the cities and towns the little family visited. But the watch…the watch had been special.
According to her father, her mother had cut out coupons and saved every extra penny from her grocery money to buy it. She’d wrapped it in blue tissue, tied it up with a white satin bow, and given it to Jared on the night Gabrielle was born. To count every precious minute with our first-born, said the inscription on the back. Her father’s stories described character traits, habits, even minor flaws that defined Leah Lafayette, the woman he’d chosen as his wife. But the watch told Gabrielle something about the woman who had been her mother, the woman who’d suffered silently to satisfy the whims of the man she loved. A man with wanderlust.
How many times had Leah said that the braided leather watchband was every bit as sturdy and strong as her marriage to Jared? Too many to count, Gabrielle thought. Glancing at that band, now wrapped loosely around her own slender wrist, she understood better than ever how lucky she’d been to find a man like Drew, a man who wrested strength from the land, who loved having roots in one place for all time.
A sob ached in her throat as she looked again at the shattered glass that had protected the watch face, at the torn plaits of the braided brown band. First thing tomorrow, she’d take it to town and have it repaired.
She tried her best to remember the fall that had broken her treasure, straining her aching brain for a scrap of memory…anything that would help her understand why she hadn’t recognized the danger ahead. She had ridden the river’s edge before, had encountered rattlesnakes plenty of times. But she’d always managed to keep control of Molly, or Triumph, or whatever horse she’d been riding.
Why not this time?
She was achy and tired, and more than a little afraid. All Gabrielle wanted right now was to get home and fall into Drew’s arms, where she’d always found such comfort.
“Well, missy, here you are,” Troy announced, interrupting her thoughts. “Drew’s in the barn. Want me to fetch him?”
The truck ground to a halt as she struggled to remember what Drew had told her earlier that morning. “No, no,” she began haltingly, “I think he said something about fixing the back fences today.”
The cowboy frowned. “Back fences? What about the rest of the hands?”
“Drew gave them the day off, so they could go into Livingston for Oktoberfest.”
“Oktoberfest? But that was two weeks ago—”
She didn’t understand why the usually talkative cowboy suddenly clamped his jaws together, seemingly feigning interest in his pocket watch.
“You reckon it’s such a good idea, you bein’ here alone in the shape you’re in? Maybe I oughta sit with you, just ’til Drew gets in from—” his frown deepened as he looked toward the barn “—from, ah, mendin’ fences?”
Forcing a smile, Gabrielle said, “That isn’t necessary, but I appreciate the offer, just the same.” She opened the passenger door. “I’m fine. Really.” She patted his hand as if that were proof of some kind, then climbed out of the truck.
“Don’t forget your hat,” he said, one gray eyebrow high on his lined forehead.
She seemed to be making a habit of forgetting things. “Oh. Right,” she said, taking it from him. “Thanks again for the ride, Troy.” Aiming another smile in his direction, Gabrielle slammed the heavy, creaking door. Waving with the hat, she stepped back. “You’re an angel,” she added, “and I’m gonna bake you a cherry pie to show my appreciation.”
His face wrinkled in confusion. “No thanks necessary,” he called through the open passenger window. “Now, git on inside and sit down before you fall down. I’ll call you later, make sure you’re all right.”
She snapped off a smart salute, then headed up the walk.
The kitchen clock said one-twenty. A glance around the room only added to her bewilderment. She’d never gone off and left the breakfast dishes, at least not without putting them in a wash pan to soak. Whatever was wrong—and there was plenty wrong—it had started before she took that fall from Triumph’s back.
She rummaged in the cupboard for an aspirin. Where tidy rows of tumblers and coffee mugs had once stood, Gabrielle found a mismatched mess of glasses and cups. What had possessed her to put the dishes away like that?
After downing the pills, she slumped onto a ladder-back chair and held her head in her hands. This wasn’t like the other times she’d fallen. She yearned for the solace of Drew’s embrace.
Hurry home, honey, she thought, biting her lower lip as the tears welled in her eyes, because I need you.
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.