Cover Page
Excerpt
About the Author
Title Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
Dear Reader
Copyright
Only a warm, sunny glow. One that had faded long, long ago.
She relaxed, snug in police officer Luke Northrup’s safe embrace.
This was what she needed, Calli realized. Luke. Witty and compassionate, stubborn yet funny, he knew who and what he was. He had his priorities straight—fatherhood first, law enforcement second—and he didn’t require anyone to affirm his convictions.
Yes, Sergeant Luke Northrup was a man of integrity.
Calli sadly backed away from him.
For the last thing he needed was a woman with none.
CAROL STEWARD
Carol Steward has always been creative. She says, “When I was sixteen, I bought my first key chain. It said Bloom Where You’re Planted, and I’ve tried to follow that advice ever since.” She eventually followed God’s leading to write inspirational stories about men and women overcoming insurmountable obstacles to find that special person who, along with Christ, can make their life complete.
Colorado has been home to Carol for more than thirty-two years. She and her husband have also lived in Wyoming and North Dakota. Their three teenagers keep their lives from becoming mundane. Together, their family enjoys sports, camping and discovering Colorado’s beauty.
Having volunteered for several organizations, Carol encourages others to strive to learn something from each opportunity. “Raising my family is a very rewarding priority in my life. Their love and encouragement continually inspires my own personal growth.”
Carol is a full-time child-care provider, opening her heart and home to six additional preschool children. She finds it very rewarding nurturing God’s little miracles. She also enjoys exercising her creativity through tole-painting, sewing, needlework and cake decorating. Refinishing furniture and collecting Noah’s Ark pieces are just a few of the extras that keep Carol busy in her “spare” time.
For when we were with you, we told you beforehand that we were to suffer affliction; just as it has come to pass, and as you know. For this reason, when I could bear it no longer, I sent that I might know your faith, for fear that somehow the tempter had tempted you and that our labor would be in vain.
—1 Thessalonians 3:4-5
To my father, Tom Bohannan, for a lifetime of insight on law enforcement and showing me that there’s a hero in each of us. Ken, Todd, Tim, Ed and the Greeley Police Department for their insights and for letting me experience firsthand the excitement and danger of police work.
My husband and kids for their never-ending encouragement. Anne for having faith in my ability to write this story. Helen, Sally, Ellen, LeAnn, Lynn, Margaret, Linda and Bette for motivating me to write through this challenging year. And to the Creator for inspiring me to share these stories.
Calli Giovanni walked through the stained-glass doors praying that she would someday experience the peace of forgiveness.
Why can’t I let it go?
“You can’t get discouraged,” her cousin Hanna said, following her through the doors. “Don’t expect healing to happen all at once. It isn’t easy. Like tonight’s speaker said, it’s one miserable step at a time. For tonight, go home. Stop patrolling.”
“I can’t, Hanna. I would think you’d understand. He was my kid brother. I want justice served. I can’t let it go.”
“I do understand, Calandre. More than you think.” Hanna took Calli by the shoulders. “Who can’t you forgive, Calli? The killer? Or yourself, for not seeing Mike slip out of the house?”
Calli turned and stared into her cousin’s moist eyes. “Neither.” Her own tears dried up years ago. All that was left was this numbness. She was an emotional zombie.
“Don’t you see what this is doing to you?” Hanna asked.
“It’s not worth it. You don’t laugh. You don’t cry. You barely exist.” Hanna paused, then unlocked her car door. “Go home. It’s time for you to stop.”
Calli never finished her college degree. Her brother had been killed at the beginning of her last semester. She’d set new priorities. Priorities that cost her dearly. Her family, her fiancé, her happiness. All in hopes of finding answers. “That’s easier said than done.”
Hanna hugged Calli. “You can do it. Just don’t give in. Sorry I have to rush off, but I’m expecting a call at ninethirty. Take care.” Her petite cousin slid into her sports car and waved.
“That’s my problem, Han. I don’t ever give up. I don’t know how.” Calli took off her down-filled coat and tossed it into the passenger’s seat, her voice a whisper into the darkness. She watched Hanna drive away without a care in the world. “It’s cost me everyone I loved, and I still can’t let it go.”
Her mother, father, older brother and even her sister were like distant relatives. They had put the past behind them and moved on. Recovered. Only she was stuck trying to erase the shadows lurking in her mind. Fighting the unknown in a city of dark corners and unlit alleys. Doing the only thing she could to avenge her brother’s death.
Thinking of Mike, she closed the door and reached under her seat. Calli pulled out a zippered bag and stared at it, considering giving up on this thankless mission. She zipped the pouch open and emptied the contents into her lap. “Just one patrol before I head home. Maybe tonight’s my lucky night.” She tugged the long blond wig over her own hair and covered her lips with tropical punch-colored lipstick. Horn-rimmed glasses completed the disguise. Good grief, I even look like Aunt Calandre.
It was a quiet night in Palmer, Colorado. Calli spent over an hour cruising without anything to report. Feeling a sudden chill, she reached for the heat control, only to find it was already set on high and pumping hot air into the small compartment. Calm down, Cal. There’s not even any action.
As she continued down the alleys and streets lined with dilapidated buildings, Calli prayed. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me.”
She perused the business district, then paused to consider what she was doing before turning toward the city’s core. It was a neighborhood within a neighborhood. A place where nothing was sacred. Not property, not values and especially not human life.
The only thing flourishing here was the Eastsiders, a gang that preyed on the weak and helpless.
Maybe they would provide her with some clues. After all, that was the gang her brother had allegedly been joining when the “initiation” went too far.
Adrenaline pulsed through her veins as she turned into the parking lot of a dimly lit apartment complex. Her breathing became shallow and ragged. Why do I keep doing this? Is it even worth it anymore?
A shiver raced up her spine and Calli quickly glanced left, then right. The rays of the streetlight reflected off of the glistening ground. She dialed “911 send” on her cellular phone just as three figures bolted from the icy parking lot toward the apartments, dodging cars and jumping wobbly handrails. “Gotcha.”
One threw a small crowbar at her, hitting the front fender.
“911 Emergency.”
“Columbia Boulevard and 15th Street.” Calli swallowed, trying to smooth her raspy voice as it scratched through the wires. “The Willows Apartments. There’s broken glass everywhere.”
One teenager slipped and fell to the ground. Calli skidded to a stop inches from him. He got up and looked at her, his dark eyes filled with fear. He glanced behind him, then stumbled ahead to where his cohorts had disappeared.
“Ma’am, are you there?” the 911 operator repeated.
Calli’s heart pounded faster and she dragged in another breath. Shadows wrapped their arms around her. Streetlights flickered. Vines covered apartment windows like victorian lace curtains. Calli shivered. Where’d they go?
“Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’m fine. Three kids…” Calli pressed on the accelerator. She searched beyond the tinted glass for any movement as she drove slowly toward the exit to conclude the loop. She wanted desperately to leave before the officers arrived, armed with endless questions and expectations.
“They’re wearing dark clothing, bulky coats.” She paused, hoping to recall more. “One wore a starter jacket…and a bandanna. A blue bandanna.” She turned the last corner before the exit. “They weren’t very tall. Around sixteen, maybe younger.”
The woman stopped her and repeated the information, then asked for more details.
Calli knew the more she could remember, the better the chance that justice would be served. “One had bleached blond hair, the other two had dark hair. I think one’s hurt.”
Sirens wailed in the distance, then abruptly stopped. They’d be here any minute. Time to go. Calli thought of the gang’s leader with a wretched sense of pleasure. Another bust. She may not be able to find the proof she needed to put the gang’s leader away, but she could make Tiger’s “work” more difficult.
She stepped on the gas pedal but it was too late. A white police car fishtailed as it rounded the curve. It slid on the ice and headed toward her.
Calli pumped the brakes. Time stopped, and the terror seemed to continue in slow motion. It was no use. Her tires couldn’t grip.
She pressed the brakes again. Harder. Still nothing. Finally she slammed her foot to the floorboard and gripped the steering wheel, directing her skid away from the police cruiser.
Her four-wheel drive slammed into the curb and jerked to a stop. Seconds later, the officer pulled closer and rolled down his window. The set of his strong, square jaw personified authority. She couldn’t look away from the deep-set eyes and rugged features that expressed sincere concern.
Trembling, Calli opened her window. The dark-haired officer leaned out of his car. “Are you okay?”
She nodded stiffly, and they drove on, into the parking lot. Pull yourself together, Cal. Get going. She shifted into first and stepped on the gas.
The truck didn’t budge.
Depressing the clutch, Calli turned the key. “Come on, start.” Without allowing the engine to settle into an even idle, she pulled away.
“That was too close for comfort. I’ve got to get out of here. Where’s the phone?” She found it in the far corner of the floorboard and shut it off, then turned south on Columbia Boulevard. A few minutes later, flashing lights beckoned in her rearview mirror as backup turned into the apartment complex. “They’re all yours, guys. I’ve done as much as I can.”
Calli’s heart raced in an unsteady rhythm as the motor purred down the street. Four miles later, she pulled into the parking lot of Teodoro’s, the Quonset hut-turned restaurant she frequented. She clicked off the ignition and leaned her head against the seat. Darn it, Calli. You’re pushing too hard. You’ve got to stop.
Tugging the bristly hair from her head, she stuffed the blond wig into the bag and let out a deep breath. She gazed into the rearview mirror, removed the glasses and studied herself disapprovingly. After wiping the gauche color from her lips, she applied ointment to help remove the remaining tint. The near-accident replayed in her mind as she yanked a brush through the matted mess of black curls. She had hung around too long, almost long enough to meet the cops in person. That was one complication she didn’t need.
Stuffing the sundries and the makeup bag into her purse, she slammed the truck door, then walked to the restaurant entrance. Calli took a deep breath and tugged the glass-and-iron door open, anxious to meet friendly faces.
“May I help you?” the young woman asked.
Calli didn’t even consult the menu. “Barbaccoa with black beans instead of pintos, and a large diet cola.” She watched as rice and beans were piled onto the tortilla, then salsa and shredded beef. Last was the cheese and sour cream.
Teodoro’s owner, “Teddy” Chavez, greeted her with a smile. “Your usual, eh, Calli? What are you doing out this late?”
She let his friendly wink soothe her nerves. A member of her neighborhood watch group, he knew very well what kept her out this late. Yet he always shared her silent celebration at making it through another night safely. She glanced at the staff, and went along with the conversation. “Couldn’t wait for one of your burritos. Just thinking of them keeps me awake at night.”
“That’s no good. Ah, well, eat and enjoy.” He turned to his employees and rattled off directions to them while Calli crossed the room and seated herself in the plywood chair. She rested her head in her hands and begged her heart to slow down.
Eating alone beneath the dangling halogen light bulb was much too comfortable. She sliced the giant burrito into two halves and set one aside for tomorrow’s lunch. Her kid brother had always teased her about eating when she was upset If he could only see her now. Listening to alternative music in a dingy restaurant, trying to forget the goodlooking cop who’d nearly run her over.
Calli pulled the journal from her purse and turned to today’s date.
January 22, 11:05 p.m.
She documented her evening’s patrolling events, descriptions and response time of the local law enforcement on the blank pages.
Calli had started journaling in her early teens, as a way to deal with the loneliness of frequent moves, foreign languages and the other drawbacks of being an army brat. But in recent years the pages were filled with fewer emotions, and more details.
She thought through the events of the day, then wrote.
Has no one ever realized the guilt I feel? Surely they have. Over and again, Mom and Dad tell me it wasn’t my fault—that Mike had snuck out before, that nothing anyone had tried had helped him. Why can’t I move on?
It was not my fault. But maybe if someone had called the cops, maybe he’d be alive today.
She closed her eyes and whispered, “As in David’s day, I see violence and strife in our streets, on city walls. Be my shelter and my strength, Father.”
How can I stop now? Community involvement is making a difference. The neighborhood’s crime rate has dropped. I have to keep trying.
The media tries to convince us that gangs are losing their appeal. They say gang members are frightened off by friends getting hurt and others sent to prisons. Yet, every week, I still see them out there, luring innocent kids into believing that they’ve found a place to belong. Tempting them with the promise of easy money. Trapping them into a life without hope.
Calli recalled the look in the youth’s eyes as he stared at her. Fear, raw and exposed, spoke to her.
What was that kid looking back for? A way out, or someone they left behind?
Police sirens jolted her back to the present. The cruiser sped past the front of the restaurant. The officer she’d nearly collided with reappeared in her mind. His concerned gaze lingered there, like an unwelcome guest. Reflections of light glimmered over his handsome face. She shook her head. He’s just another cop. They all have that look.
Thankful that she took the time to don her disguise, Calli wondered if they would place her as the caller. Did they get her license number? Hopefully she’d gotten away before they had the chance.
How can I give up now? There has to be a way to help kids like that.
The pen stopped.
Kids like Mike. She never believed that he wanted in to the gang. Never allowed herself to see him as needing something more in his life. Maybe she’d been wrong. About Mike, and the gangs, and thinking she could make a difference—to anybody.
She noticed the employees wiping Formica-topped tables, wrapping stainless-steel food bins and polishing the glass block room divider.
“Calli, we’re closing.” Teddy set a foil sheet next to her plastic basket. “For your leftovers.”
She finished chewing and gulped her soda to wash the bite down her dry throat. After closing her journal, Calli wrapped the extra half. “Thanks, Teddy. Have a good night.”
“You be careful out there.”
“Always.” She left the eatery, climbed into her truck and turned west, toward her apartment. It was after midnight, and morning would come early.
Fog rolled in from the river and a fine mist coated the streets with black ice. Even four-wheel drive wouldn’t help in conditions like this. The light ahead turned green and Calli took her foot off the gas pedal. From the side street, a truck spun out of control.
She tried to determine a way to avoid it, but there was no escape. The truck rammed the passenger door, pushing her vehicle into another car parked along the street. Her head slammed into the driver’s side window and shattered the glass.
Calli screamed, then covered her eyes with her hands, feeling a cold draft. She tried again to open her eyes, but they hurt too much. She pulled on the door handle, but the door didn’t move.
“Help! Help! Someone help me.” A few minutes later, sirens wailed. Voices commanded that she not try to move. Louder and louder the noise grew, then stopped. The fireman knocked away the remaining glass from the door. After the paramedic took Calli’s vitals, he reassured Calli that they would have her out soon.
Calli awoke to pitch black. She tried to blink and found her eyes were covered. Reaching out, she felt a hard rail to her side. Her head hurt and her left arm ached. She vaguely remembered an accident and an ambulance.
Where am I?
The room was silent except for beeping noises in the distance. She licked her parched lips and grimaced. She heard breathing, then footsteps, followed by a warm deep voice.
“Calandre Giovanni? I’m Sergeant Northrup, Palmer Police Department.”
The police? What are they doing here? Am I just imagining an accident? Or is this about the break-ins at the apartment complex? For all she knew, he may not even be a cop. “Where am I?”
“University Hospital. You were in an accident.”
Calli gasped, then let out a moan as she tried to move. She must have been seated, as her mind was fuzzy. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Let me call the nurse for you.” He stepped out of the room, and was gone for a few minutes.
His voice sounded familiar. What were the chances that he was the patrolman who’d nearly wiped her off the road? Next to zero, she assured herself. If the officers who’d responded to that call had caught the kids, they were probably still at the juvenile facility booking them at this very moment.
When the cop returned, Calli decided she’d rather ask questions than answer them. She needed time to clear her mind. “Where’s the nurse?”
“It’ll be a few minutes before anyone can come down. Emergency room’s a busy place tonight. You okay?”
“Do I look okay?”
He stammered a minute, then apologized. “I meant, you’re not going to be sick or anything, are you?”
“I’ll live. Were you the officer at my accident?”
“No. That would be Jake Williams. He asked me to take your statement while I’m here. I came in with an unrelated ambulance call.”
Hysteria threatened to return to her voice. She swallowed, trying to soothe the scratchiness. Absently she ran her dry tongue over her lips.
“Need a drink?” Without delay she felt the officer lean against the bed. “Here.” She lifted her hand, ready for him to place a paper cup in her hand. Instead she felt a strong hand wrapped around a huge insulated-type mug. Pursing her lips to drink, she jumped when she felt the brush of his fingertip against her lower lip as he placed a straw in her mouth.
He chuckled. “Sorry, I forgot to tell you what to expect.”
Embarrassed that all of her assumptions were wrong, making her feel even more helpless, Calli resented the warmth of the personal contact between them. She jerked her hand away. “Thanks. That’s enough.” The sooner she got rid of him, the better. The last thing she needed was a cop to keep her company. “So what do you need from me?”
“Just need to ask a few routine questions. No hurry. I’m here waiting to talk to another patient. My partner’s still on the streets. Sheesh, they’re a mess tonight. You’d think these drivers had never seen ice before.”
Calli tried to sit up, and failed. She heard him bump into something, then felt a strong hand on her arm.
“Can I help?”
“I want the nurse. Where’s the call button?”
His warm hand fumbled with hers and gently guided her fingers toward the side of her bed. His baritone voice was edged with control. “Here’s the call button.”
A calm confidence echoed his voice, and the scent of his aftershave sent a shiver of awareness through her.
Memories from her past tainted the image of this knight in shining armor. Calli realized that not only did she not have a clue as to what Officer Northrup looked like, but she had no idea if this man was really a cop. I’ve been watching too much television. He couldn’t be the one I saw earlier.
“I’m sure it’s frightening not to be able to see anything. You may not even believe I’m a police officer. Who could blame you, after the night you’ve had?”
The fact that he’d read her mind made her more suspicious. “Sorry, I’m not used to…” trusting people.
“You’re cautious, just as you should be under the circumstances.”
“Cautious.” Now that is an understatement.
Calli struggled to pull herself out of the fuzziness and remember more about the accident.
Shuffling noises followed by a nearby clank dragged her back to the present image of a cop sitting next to her bed, as if he planned to stay a while.
I’ve managed to avoid the officials for three years, and now, over a simple car accident, I’m trapped. “So, what did you want to ask me?”
“Can you tell me what you remember?”
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.