She needed some space, some air, and she needed it now.
Setting her glass on a nearby table, Veda escaped through one of the pavilion’s back exits, and she didn’t stop going until she was cloaked in shadows and certain she was alone. Out here, the night air was so fresh and freeing. The beat of the music and drag of dark memories seemed just far enough away.
She was herding together more positive thoughts when, out of the shadows, a figure appeared. Dressed in a tuxedo now, Ajax was cutting the distance between them with a commanding gait. And the closer he got, the clearer the message grew in his gorgeous blue eyes.
You can run, sweetheart, it said, but don’t ever think you can hide.
“If you want to leave, you’re going the wrong way,” Ajax said, tipping his head toward the house. “Cars are parked over there.”
Taken aback, Veda blinked a few times before responding. “I wasn’t leaving. I needed some air.”
He forced a grin. “Like you needed air the night we met on that balcony a month ago.”
Her knockout dress shimmered in the moonlight as she straightened. “Has it been that long?”
“Yup. That long.”
After changing, Ajax had returned to the party pavilion in time to catch a flash of lipstick red as Veda dashed out the back. Of course, he had followed. He wanted to make sure she was all right. And, yes, he had also seen an opportunity to broach another sensitive matter. Namely, what the hell had happened after Saratoga? Why hadn’t she accepted his calls?
Clearly, Veda wanted to avoid the subject.
“So, what are you doing out here in the dark?” she asked.
Ajax slid both hands into his pants pockets. “Psyching up for party mode?”
“Well, at least you’re dressed for it now.”
His smile was slow. “You saw me earlier?”
Her gorgeous green eyes widened before she visibly gathered herself again and offered a cool reply. “You got changed in record time.”
“I’d already showered at the office.” Grinning, he propped a shoulder against a nearby oak and crossed one ankle over the other. “I don’t mind the smell of hay and horse, but I’m not sure the guests would appreciate it much.”
When her gaze dipped to his mouth, he remembered back to that night and words she had murmured while nuzzling him from his chest all the way down.
You smell so good. And taste even better.
As if she was remembering, too, Veda threw a glance toward the lights and music. “I should get back.”
“I’ll walk with you.” He pushed off the oak before adding, “If that’s okay.”
After a second’s hesitation, she made a face like it was no big deal. “Sure,” she said. “Why not.”
As they headed back down a lit path, he set a leisurely pace. After the flowers and phone messages—after the multiple times she had come apart in his arms that wild night—had she even considered dropping him a line?
He studied her profile—straight nose, lush lips, laser-beam focus. And then there was that jaw-dropping dress. He couldn’t help but imagine sliding the fabric from her shoulders, tracing the contours of her breasts with his lips…with his tongue…
Focus, damn it.
“Did you get my messages?” he asked after clearing his throat. “I left a couple.”
“I did. The flowers, too. They were lovely.”
Uh-huh.
“I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed our time together.”
Gaze still ahead, she nodded. “Thank you.”
He nodded, too, scratched his ear. “We left Saratoga on pretty good terms, wouldn’t you say?”
Her heels clicked a little faster on the path. “We should get back to the party.”
“I thought we could talk.”
“Maybe later.”
He pulled up. Maybe now.
“Is this still about your dad, Veda? Because I thought we’d worked through that.”
The train of her red gown swirled as she spun back around. “We agreed to disagree. Not the same thing.”
Really? “That conversation happened right before we made love again. Before you said, ‘I wish we never had to leave.’”
Her nostrils flared as she crossed her arms. “If you’re trying to embarrass me, it won’t work.”
For the love of God. “I’m trying to understand why you didn’t pick up the phone.”
He didn’t get how she could be all prickly one second and turned on to the hilt the next. Was she an ice queen or too hot to be believed?
She hesitated before taking two steps closer. “I’m guessing you didn’t tell Lanie about that night.”
What the—?
“Of course not. That’s between you and me.”
Cringing, she darted a look toward the party pavilion. “So put away the megaphone already.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, lowered his voice. “I’m confused, okay? We don’t need our parents’ consent. We’re not kids.”
“Right. We’re adults making up our own minds.”
He groaned. “Still confused.”
“I don’t regret what happened between us that night. In fact, I’ll remember it as long as I live.”
So he hadn’t imagined it. He wasn’t going insane. But when he stepped closer, happy to get back on track, her hands shot up, stopping him dead.
“Ajax, you are wonderful in every conceivable way,” she said. “I love spending time with you. The problem is… I’m not the only one. You’re always in news feeds with models, actresses, designers, female ranch hands, trainers… There’s been an endless string of women over the years. For God’s sake, you’re known as the Stud.”
Ajax exhaled. First he’d had Lanie bleating in his ear. Now this?
Sure, his brothers had ribbed him about that stud label, a name some features reporter had come up with for a story a while back. But Griff and Jacob knew who he was.
“I’m a normal and, let me emphasize, single guy. Like you’re a normal single woman. Dating is not a crime.” His shoulders went back. “And there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to see each other again.”
“Wanting something doesn’t necessarily make it good for you.”
“Unless it is.”
She tried another tack. “I don’t approve of the business that you’re in.”
Say what now?
“You mean the stud farm? Which has stables for racehorses, which is the exact same business that your father is in.”
“That doesn’t mean I like it.” She asked him, “Do you have any idea how many people lose their shirts at the track?”
“Veda, I can’t help that.”
“Like a dealer can’t help an addict who continues to use?”
“Not the same thing.”
“I’ll fill you in on the definition of addiction someday.” She went on. “The worst part is the number of horses that are manipulated and hurt, too. Just last week, one of your own was put down after a fall.”
He stiffened. “And let me tell you, I was upset about it.”
“Not as upset as the horse.”
He opened his mouth, stopped, and then sought clarification. “So you don’t want to see me again because I own horses?”
“You use horses.”
Whatever you want to call it. “That’s not gonna change.”
“No shit.”
He had to grin. Veda could be direct when she wanted to be.
“Just please set me straight on one thing,” he said. “You don’t approve of keeping horses, but I don’t hear you bawling out your bestie, the dressage champion.”
“Lanie? That’s…well, it’s—”
“Please don’t say different.”
“Ajax, I’m not sleeping with your sister.”
“Right.” Stepping closer, he lowered his head over hers and ground out, “You’re sleeping with me.”
His whole body was a heartbeat as she gazed up with eyes flooding with questions. Veda might have her reasons for staying away, but he could tell a big part of her wanted Saratoga again at least as much as he did.
Finally she stepped back, took a breath.
“We’re here for Lanie. This is her night.”
He cast a look toward the twinkling pavilion and nodded. “Agreed.”
“So we need to put this aside.”
“That won’t work.”
“At least for now. For your sister’s sake.”
He slowly smiled. “You’re a shrewd negotiator, Darnel.”
“And you’re a persistent SOB.”
“One way to fix persistentness…because that’s absolutely a word.”
She didn’t hide her grin. “Okay.”
“The point is, yes, we should rejoin the party, and have one drink together.”
She cocked her head. “One drink?”
“Don’t know about you, but I’m drier than a dust storm.”
They continued down the path until Ajax had another thought and stopped again. “One more thing before we go in.”
Veda sighed. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”
“I need to say how amazing you look tonight. That dress. Your hair.” He slapped a hand over his heart. “And that’s all I’ll say on the subject. No more compliments.”
And he meant it. Foot on the brake.
But one drink could always lead to two. Could maybe lead to…more.
The woman who stopped beside Veda at the tent’s buffet table came right out and said it.
“He’s something else, isn’t he?”
When the woman sent Ajax an approving look—he was talking with guests by the birthday cake—Veda’s cheeks went warm. While looking over the desserts, every so often she had flickered a glance his way, obviously not as discreetly as she had thought.
And who was asking, anyway?
The woman was somewhere in her fifties and dressed in an elegant peach-colored sequined sheath. Her shoulder-length auburn hair was tucked behind an ear, revealing a dazzling teardrop diamond stud. Based on the woman’s maternal smile as she continued to watch Ajax, Veda took a guess.
“You’re Susan, aren’t you? Hux Rawson’s…housekeeper.”
After many years, it was known among relevant circles that the pair was less employee and boss these days and more a couple without the legal formalities.
Susan’s dimpled smile grew. “I met Ajax when he was a teen. Now he’s like my own. The other kids, too.”
After Veda introduced herself—leaving out her last name, which might complicate things at this time of night—Susan looked Ajax’s way again. As she leaned back against a column, her expression deepened. “Did you know that boy is the reason I’m here?”
“Really? How’s that?”
The lights dimmed at the same time Veda settled in for what promised to be an interesting conversation.
“After their mom passed away,” Susan explained, “the family was devastated, as you can imagine. With his father so lost in his grief, Ajax decided to step up to the plate. He placed an advertisement in the local paper. We need a housekeeper, the ad read. Someone who would like a family to look after. On my word, we will look after you right back.”
Veda’s heart squeezed. “That is so sweet.”
“I’d been going through some difficulties myself. Not a death, thank heaven. But enough to spin my world around ’til I didn’t know which way was up. Life can be like that sometimes. Downright dizzying.” Straightening, she resurrected her gentle smile. “I got the job and haven’t looked back since. I’ve never felt more fulfilled. I’d always wanted children of my own, so those kids were the icing on my cake. Griff, Ajax, Lanie and, of course, Jacob.”
Lanie had mentioned Griff, the Wall Street kingpin, as well as her adopted brother, whom she idolized as much as the other two. “Jacob’s a lawyer, right?”
“With an outstanding reputation. He came to us through a juvie program.” She toyed with the diamond stud as she clarified, “For years, Huxley ran a scheme here for boys in trouble who might benefit from fresh scenery and a little guidance. While they helped with chores, they learned about responsibility as well as what they were capable of and, more importantly, what they deserved out of life. Jacob had a terrible childhood, but Huxley saw something very special in that boy. He decided to fill the void and give him a real home.”
Veda’s chest tightened and expanded all at once. It was easy to tell that Susan had a generous heart, like Veda’s mom, who had always been willing to see the best in people. Sometimes that kind of faith was uplifting. At other times, it was naive. Even foolish.
As the music segued into a slower, older tune, Susan glanced up at speakers hidden among the fairy lights. “Oh, I love this song.”
The lyrics spoke of stars falling from the sky and longing to be close to someone.
Veda smiled. “I know it.”
“I was so young when it came out. Back then I couldn’t imagine having a gray hair or wrinkle. Time’s so precious. The most precious thing we have.” She held Veda’s gaze when she emphasized, “Once it’s gone, there’s no getting it back.”
Just then, Veda felt Ajax glance her way. While his gaze, curious and hot, locked with hers through the crowd, Susan straightened.
“Well, I’m going to find someone to share this dance with.” As she headed off, Susan gave Veda a wink. “Maybe you should, too.”
Perhaps it was the commanding picture Ajax painted in that crisp tuxedo, the knowing smile hovering at the corners of his mouth, or simply the song that amplified the moment. For whatever reason, when Ajax looked between her and the dance floor and then raised his brows in suggestion, Veda felt slightly light-headed. A little too eager to agree.
Since sharing that drink earlier, the anticipation had only built…delicious, taut and unrelenting. Now, as Ajax extended his arms in the air in front of him like he was already slow-dancing with her, Veda felt an unraveling. Like a corset being unlaced. Like she could finally breathe out and relax.
Time was precious, and this night and its challenges were almost over. Wasn’t this an appropriate and mature way to say goodbye?
She walked toward him. He met her halfway. After taking her hand in his much larger, far warmer one, he turned to escort her to the dance floor. Once they were surrounded by other couples, Ajax positioned their joined hands higher near his lapel while his free palm slid around to rest against the sensitive small of her back. As he smiled into her eyes, she quivered with the same kind of longing the song spoke about. Which was only to be expected, and nothing she couldn’t handle. And when they began to move, his expert steps guiding hers, she was okay with his strength and his touch. She had no trouble owning her body’s response to his scent and his heat.
“You met Susan,” he said.
“She’s a big fan of yours.”
“Ah, she likes everyone. Heart of gold.”
“She said you’re the reason she’s here.”
His smile kicked up one corner of his mouth again. “The first time we met, I knew she’d fit in. Turns out, even better than I hoped. She and Dad have more than a professional relationship now. They’re more than friends.”
“But they never married.”
While he thought that through, his hot palm shifted on her back—moving slightly lower, pressing harder. “I’ve never asked why. Not my business. They’re happy. That’s what it’s all about.”
As his gaze brushed her cheek, then her lips, the sexual pull tugged even more strongly. Everything about him was soothing, beguiling, on top of being sexy to a giddy fault. If he ever took a page from his father’s book and settled down, all Veda could say was that his wife would be a very lucky girl.
Lanie was dancing nearby, but she didn’t seem to notice them, or anyone else for that matter. Rather she looked besotted with her partner, a classic tall, dark and incredibly handsome type. Interesting. Lanie was supposed to be into her career way more than the opposite sex. It was one of the things the two women had bonded over.
Veda asked Ajax, “Who’s Lanie dancing with?”
Ajax didn’t turn around to check. Instead the two couples drifted farther apart.
“Lanie has a lot of friends.”
Veda nodded at the crowd. “At least a couple hundred.”
“You wouldn’t know it now, but once upon a time she was shy. Guess we all outgrow that childhood stuff.”
Veda recalled Susan’s story about the kid who had taken over the reins in an effort to help his grieving family. She couldn’t imagine Ajax ever being awkward, lacking confidence, doubting himself or not having just the right words. Having just the right everything.
The song finished up. As the DJ cued his upcoming selection, the moment stretched out. Veda and Ajax looked into each other’s eyes and invisible strings worked to tug them even closer together. When the DJ played a faster, louder song, Ajax led her through the crowd to a quieter semi-hidden corner where blinking lights didn’t quite penetrate and only the most curious eyes might see. As they faced each other again, with his hand still holding hers, the physical awareness zapping between them became fully charged. She imagined what might come next…
Would Ajax lift her chin and claim his first kiss of the evening?
If she let that happen, she’d be lost.
Sucking down a breath, Veda shored herself up and announced, “I’m going to call it a night.”
His head went back. “You mean now?”
“It’s getting late.” They had less than an hour until midnight. “No one’s left that I know.”
“You know me.”
Intimately. But better to avoid that fact.
“Lanie’s obviously occupied for a while.” Veda remembered how entranced her friend had looked with her dance partner. She wouldn’t interrupt that chemistry to say good-night. “I’ll call and check in with her tomorrow.”
“You’re not staying over? I thought Lanie might have offered you a—”
“I’m staying at Dad’s tonight.”
A couple of days ago, she had called to give her father a heads-up. When she’d dropped in there earlier today to stash her overnight bag and change, he had been reading a book in his favorite chair. He had complimented her gown, adding, “It must be a swanky event.” When Veda admitted that she was going to help celebrate Lanie’s birthday at the Rawson property, her father’s fingers had tightened around the book. He had restrained himself from trying to talk her out of entering enemy territory, although he had made it clear that he would be waiting up.
Now, from their tucked-away vantage point, Ajax studied the scene again. The party had changed gears, entering the phase when formalities were over. Plenty of guests were still here, happy to let loose. Plenty of women with whom Ajax could become well acquainted.
But he only tugged at his bow tie and released a couple of shirt buttons as he said, “I should call it a night, too. Big day tomorrow. I’ll walk you to your car.”
It had rained earlier. Crossing from the shelter of the tent onto a wet path, Veda scooped up as much of her mermaid dress train as she could. After a few steps, however, some of it slipped, dropping right into a puddle. She was about to dive and rescue what she could, but Ajax had already gone into action.
As if she weighed no more than a bagful of petals, he scooped her up into his arms. When Veda flipped the fabric up and over her lap, Ajax’s gaze caught hers.
“All good?” he asked.
She almost sighed. “All good.”
As they left the party noise behind, rather than focus on her body’s reaction to being pressed up against so much Rawson muscle and heat, she did her best to concentrate on something else.
“When was the family house built?” she asked, studying the majestic shingle-style Victorian.
“The original place was built a hundred and forty years ago,” he said, his big shoulders rolling as she gently rocked to the swing of his step. “It’s still standing just a little north of here.”
Veda wondered if it was anything like the original Darnel house, a gorgeous but pint-size stone structure that she used whenever she stayed over now.
“This house,” Ajax went on, “was built around ten years later. It’s been extended and modernized, but its heart is the same. Earthy. Solid.”
Through some living room windows, she saw a wall filled with family portraits—some recent, others obviously going back years. There wasn’t a single photo displayed in her father’s house anywhere—not of family or graduation. Certainly not of a wedding.
As those portraits slid out of view, Veda sighed. “Lots of happy memories.”
“Oh, man, I had the best childhood. This was a great place to grow up, and with fantastic parents.” As they passed beneath an overhead light, Veda watched a pulse begin to beat in his jaw as his grin faded. “Things changed after Mom died, of course. But we got through it. In some ways, we’re even stronger.”
Veda was happy for them. Was even envious, as a matter of fact. What she wouldn’t give to have been part of a big, happy family. How different her life would have been.
“I didn’t get to meet Griff or Jacob tonight,” she said, “but they looked proud standing behind Lanie with you all before the cake was cut.” After a brief speech, she had thanked everyone for coming; some guests were from as far away as Argentina, Australia and the Netherlands. Lanie’s dressage events took her all over the world.
“Yeah. Great night. And tomorrow morning, over a huge breakfast, all the highlights will be rehashed and new stories shared…until we’re all asking about lunch.”
When he chuckled, Veda noticed that her hand had come to rest upon his chest. Along with the gravelly vibration, she could actually feel his heartbeat against her palm. Then he looked down into her eyes and everything else receded into the background at the same time his gorgeous grin seemed to gravitate a smidgeon closer.
If I wound my fingers into his lapel… she thought, …if I edged up a little and he edged down…
Then—thank God—they arrived at her SUV. Ajax lowered her onto her feet and, as Veda admired his profile—the high brow, hawkish nose and shadowed granite jaw—he gave a thumbs-up to the ad panel for her business painted on the door.
“Best Life Now,” he said. “I like it. Real catchy.” He nodded like he was invested. Like he sincerely wanted to know more. “So how does a person do that—have their best life now? Do you give talks? Teach classes?”
“I do both.” She delivered her automatic line for anyone who showed interest. “You ought to come along to a self-improvement seminar sometime.”
Not that she could possibly tutor him on anything in that regard. Ajax had his life all sorted out. He was exactly where, and how, he wanted to be.
He crossed his arms and assumed a stance that said she had his full attention. “Give me the elevator pitch.”
“You can achieve your best life now by behaving your way to happiness and success,” she replied. “Start with healthy habits and surround yourself with the best. The best friends, the best information, the best advice, and be smart enough to take it. You should also go after the things that matter to you the most. Everyone needs to get behind themselves and push.”
“Sure.” He shrugged. “Get up in the morning and get things done.”
Spoken like someone who’d always had his shit together.
“Did you know that some people struggle to even roll out of bed in the morning? And you need to look beyond the rationale of just being lazy.”
“Look beyond it to what?”
“Maybe past trauma, dysfunctional family, learned helplessness.”
His eyebrows drew together. “You can learn to be helpless?”
“Sure. It can happen if a person feels like they can’t stop the bad stuff from happening, so they just give up.”
The same way Veda had wanted to give up after her mom had died. She wasn’t able to save the person she had loved most in the world. Worse, she had felt responsible for the accident. Constant feelings of worthlessness coupled with guilt had added up to a why the hell bother? mind-set.
Ajax’s expression changed as his eyes searched hers. “There’s a whole lot more to you, isn’t there, Darnel?”
“A few layers. Like most people.”
The perfect Ajax comeback line might be, And I want to peel back every one, starting here, tonight. But there were parts of Veda no one would ever know. Not her father or Lanie. Not Veda’s Best Life Now clients or blog followers. And certainly not Ajax Rawson…family rival, player extraordinaire and proponent of an industry that she wished would disappear.
As if he’d read her mind, Ajax’s jaw tightened and his chin kicked up. Then, rather than delivering a line, he did something that pulled the rug right out from under her feet. He took a measured step back, slipped both hands under his jacket and into his pants pockets. The body language was clear.
Nothing more to say. Won’t hold you up.
After a recalibrating moment, Veda got her rubbery mouth to work. “Well, Ajax…it was good to see you again.”
“You, too, Veda. Take care. Stay well.”
When he didn’t offer a platonic kiss on her cheek—when he only pushed his hands deeper into his pockets—she gave a definitive nod before climbing into her car. But she hadn’t started the engine before his face appeared inches away from her window.
The nerves in Veda’s stomach knotted even tighter. Damn, she had to give it to this man. He’d waited until the very last minute, wanting to catch her completely off guard to ask if he could see her again.
Channeling aloof, Veda pressed a button. As the window whirred down, she got ready for an extra-smooth delivery. But Ajax only pointed down the driveway.
“Take it slow down the hill,” he said. “There’s a sharp bend near the office.”
She blinked. “A bend?”
“It’ll be wet after the rain.”
When he stepped back again, Veda took a moment before winding the window back up, starting the car and driving away.
So…
Score, right?
Rather than trying to charm or argue with her, Ajax had given her what she wanted. A cut-and-dried goodbye. And the bonus: she wasn’t the one receding in Ajax’s rearview mirror. He was receding in hers. In fact, watching his reflection now, she saw how he was literally walking away.
Sighing, Veda settled in for the drive home—or tried to. After being so close to Ajax and his drugging scent, the car smelled stale, and following hours of music and conversation, the cabin was too quiet. Veda flicked on the radio, but she only heard that song playing in her head…the one she and Ajax had danced to all of ten minutes ago.
She shook herself. Thought ahead.
In thirty minutes, she would be turning into the Darnel driveway. She would find her father reclined in his tufted high-backed chair by an unlit fire. After inquiring about her evening, he would calmly regurgitate how he felt about his daughter consorting with the enemy. The Rawsons were cheats who would have their comeuppance. Drake never tired of admitting that he couldn’t wait for the day.
Veda sat forward and looked up. Raindrops were falling again, big and hard on the windshield. She switched on the wipers, imagining her father’s reaction should he ever discover the truth. Not only was his daughter friends with a Rawson, she had also—shock, horror!—slept with one. In his chilling way, Drake would let her know his verdict. She was no better than the woman he had loved or the woman he had married. To his mind, both had betrayed him with a cowboy. Then her father would disown his daughter, the same way he had disowned his wife. And there wouldn’t be a thing she could do about it.
You are dead to me.
Dead. Dead. Dead.
Suddenly that tricky bend was right there in front of her. About to overshoot, Veda wrenched the wheel, slammed on the brake. As her tires slid out, she pulled the wheel the other way and the SUV overcorrected. A surreal moment later, it came to a jolting stop on the grass shoulder, at right angles to a heavy railed fence and the sweeping river of asphalt.
With those wipers beating endlessly back and forth, Veda white-knuckled the wheel, cursing her inattention. Her stupidity. But thankfully, she hadn’t crashed. There was nothing that couldn’t be undone. So pull up your big-girl panties and get back on the road! And she would…as soon as she’d dealt with the tsunami of déjà vu rolling in.
Mom sitting in the front seat of a growling pickup truck. Her cowboy boyfriend looking over his shoulder at Veda in back. A terrifying screech. A crashing, blinding jolt—
When her ears started to ring, Veda pushed open her door and scrambled out.
There were plenty of motels around. Or maybe she should simply drive on through to Jersey. She was under no obligation to see her father tonight. Damn it, her only obligation was to herself.
Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.
At that moment, just as the skies opened up in earnest, a pair of big hands clamped down on her shoulders and spun her around. With hair whipping over her eyes, it took a moment to recognize the masculine figure, and then the concerned face streaming with rain.
Ajax raised his voice over the downpour. “What the hell are you doing?”
Veda thought about it and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
His brows snapped together before he threw open the back car door and waved an arm.
Get in.
The next second, he was behind the wheel, getting the vehicle back onto the driveway before turning, not toward the house or the main road, but into an offshoot lane. A moment later, they’d pulled up outside a building. After helping Veda out, he handed over her evening clutch from the front passenger seat and led the way to the building’s main entrance.
Soaked through, her soles sliding in their heels, she asked over the noise of the rain, “Where are we?”
“Somewhere safe.”
And yet, as Ajax punched numbers into a control pad by the door, the sign mounted next to it seemed to both mock and warn her.
Rawson Studs.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.