Kitabı oxu: «Provence Forever»

1

The state of suffering

Now I am alone again in my paradise, the windows of my study are wide open, the impressive view of this unique landscape that cannot be described with words gives me comfort and strength to accept my fate.

A hot summer day is coming to an end, the concert of song cicadas accompanied by croaking frogs is beginning, the moon has risen on the horizon of the Lubéron, illuminating under a starry sky the contrasting hills and plateau of the Vaucluse.

An eerie restlessness that accompanies my sleep that night makes me open my eyes. The light and the morning sun of Provence take me back to the past. My thoughts circle around the last seven years with Michéle.

Michèle is not here, the last telephone conversation from two days ago is infinitely long ago. The idea of living this day without Michèle paralyzes me. A look out of the window of our bedroom, behind which the paradise of Provence stretches, brings sleep back to me; I see Michèle escaping from our paradise as a white seagull and, carried by the stormy mistral, disappearing on the horizon of the Lubéron. With all my strength I resist letting go, but Michèle's forces, supported by the violent mistral, leave me no chance to hold her. My arm is torn away, my life dissolves, I crumble to ashes.

The diabolical cries of my two beloved grandchildren, who have been with me for a few days, accompanied by my daughter, end this dream. Bathed in sweat and in total exhaustion, I begin this day. Three more days I have to endure them, these children who strain our beautiful house lovingly decorated by Michèle. This paradise suffers terrible tortures, all furnishings are already marked. These over-excited monster children scare flowers, meadows, fields, and disturb the perfect tranquility of Provençal nature. I realized that these people from the northern industrialized countries are unfortunately forced to live in a world of horror, because they live and dwell in concrete, have to breathe polluted air and work like ants, so that they can afford their ant dwellings and their so-called quality of life. These over-excited, still young people, accompanied by their parents, visit the peace and perfect tranquility of Provence for a few weeks every summer to find the balance that the locals have as a result of the scenic beauty all year round.

In the immediate vicinity of our house is the small schoolhouse of our village, there I noticed that the children from Provence are influenced by the beauty of this land and are therefore perfectly balanced.

Despite everything, I try to tackle today. My grandchildren, because of some harmless and peaceful bees, have moved their planned breakfast from the forecourt, which is under our bedroom and overlooks the vastness and beauty of Provence, to the inside of our house. In the meantime, since my grandchildren are burdened with additional stomach aches from the Provençal food prepared with the very finest Provençal herbs mixed with garlic and olive oil and have to suffer a sunburn on their sterile snow skins, I will soon have the opportunity to enjoy my breakfast alone, in peace and quiet, on my beloved forecourt in the garden.

While I ponder my thoughts, another hour has passed and in the meantime my daughter has made herself comfortable at the swimming pool with her two pests, who nevertheless mean a lot to me in my life. Now the time has come for me to take my breakfast undisturbed. Fortunately, I am protected from the chatter and the shouting by plants, trees and bushes. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if my flowers, plants, and bushes didn't survive this stress until my visitor's departure. Now I sit in our garden, with my thoughts all alone and silent with Michèle, who means everything in this world to me. Nothing is more important than Michèle, I am in a total dependence as a result of this love, like a drug addict in his very last stage of life, shortly before death. My former life was only life; I never thought of death, thought of myself as immortal. I could never have imagined becoming an old person, never having no more friends.

I believed that I could always live a life according to my ideas, without regard for my fellow human beings. I felt strong, tears or other feelings that moved my inner self were completely foreign to me. I was me, only I determined my life, another environment did not interest me. Money, power, success and a pathological craving for recognition determined my feelings.

For thirty years I did not realize how precious life was with my former family. Today, my life is an unbearable torment that I would like to end; the best thing would be for me to be struck by the redemptive blow right away, because waking up in the morning, every day anew, is a real hell and the whole world is a vale of tears. If I were not such a coward, I would commit suicide so that I would finally be released from this life on the abyss.

Michèle has been absent for almost a month; for me, that's years. I have to be patient for four more days, then Michèle will be here again. She is currently staying for a month with a so-called friend from high society who owns an estate in Portugal and is served by many servants, valets and maids. This old, deceitful and calculating witch, who comes from very humble origins and only came to a great fortune by marrying a big industrialist, feasts on harassing her employees daily in the most brutal way.

Her financial power allows her to bully, humiliate and insult those around her. In addition, this person is trying to get Michèle to end our relationship. I will never be able to understand that Michèle wastes a month of her life to spend thirty days and nights with this Satanic woman. There must be some calculation behind this, namely that the stingy old woman will include my Michèle in her will and leave her some of her million-dollar fortune after her demise.

Nothing in this world loves Michèle more than money; money and financial security mean complete freedom and independence for her. For this love, I gave up my former life after thirty years of marriage and squandered my company, which guaranteed me an above-average income, for a few hundred thousand francs. I have spent this money in the past years to maintain this love. Today I have nothing left and I am forced to build a new existence, because apart from my great love I can no longer offer Michèle much. I am looking for possibilities to dispose of anything else; yes, I would also be ready at once to offer a part of my liver, my kidney or whatever else for little money. Fourteen beautiful days that I can spend with Michèle are life for me. I do not think then also about the fact that in fourteen days everything is over.

On the fifteenth day, however, hell begins anew; it gets worse and worse and I no longer know how everything is supposed to go on. I no longer buy food, but play the lottery with the last of my money, hoping each time for a win, which however - how could it be otherwise - always fails to materialize. But the thought of and the hope for a beautiful life with Michèle are worth my last money. I go to church and pray to God that He will let me live happily and in peace with Michèle. Otherwise, I want nothing more for myself; the only thing I want is Michèle.

My airplanes of yesteryear, Jaguars and Porsches, and the finest motorboats are no longer important. I can remember hawking even the last of my luxuries, my gold Rolex watch, for this love. I am developing superhuman strength to keep this love alive; there is nothing I do not undertake to make money again. I sell various industrial goods and would like to successfully sell the products I have developed in the meantime as well. My financial means are exhausted at present, therefore I ask each friend or acquaintance for a loan, these so-called friends I helped in former times without large, "if and but" in their need and gave accordingly loans, however I do not get loans from these questionable "friends" myself. Nevertheless, this project must succeed. If there is no way today, a way will certainly come tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, it simply must be so, another possibility is excluded.

I always ask myself for what reason I have to endure such a life, why it is not possible for me to live a life like that of many of my friends, without great excitement, modest and with a harmonious family that means a lot to me in my daily existence.

Michèle is not there, but this house is there.

Michèle, her human being is not visible and yet she is here, her eyes are the light of Provence, her soul, her smell, her breath will always remain in this house.

Wherever I go in the Lubéron on my long walks, I am never alone, Michèle, the sunflower of Provence, is in my heart. And should my wish not come true to spend my last years in the Lubéron, I am at least left with the certainty that after my death my final resting place will be here; never will I be forced to leave again the land in the Garden of Eden of Provence that gives me eternal peace, and the mistral will carry my ashes to my beloved villages, valleys, fields and forests.

2

Arrival in the Lubéron

I have resumed a business activity. I sell special products, olive oils, lavender honey, spice and herb blends, lavender prodcts, and cosmetic products of all kinds from Provence to a former friend and owner of a large drugstore chain in Switzerland. My suppliers are smaller family businesses and producers from the Lubéron. These people, whom I have visited in the villages and markets for quite some time now, have become friends. Buying their produce is always a new experience and takes hours, with private family dinners in the producer's home. Provençal cuisine in the Lubéron consists of simple dishes with colorful vegetables, meat, olive oil and lots of herbs.

Parc Naturel: Vaucluse, Lubéron, Provence

They are an experience every time, even the stews are godsends. My biggest supplier is a lavender farmer in Sault, every year I buy the best quality dried lavender flowers from his lavender fields. The festivities that follow last two days and are a special event, after this harvest festival I need a rest for several days.

After the final separation from my great love Michelé and being alone for more than two years, I have finally found a way to organize my thoughts and in the meantime I have worked out an existence again. With my today's business activity I do not earn any more amounts of millions, I can finance however with the sales and export of my Provence products my in the meantime again somewhat increased life expenditure. As a result of my final move to France, I have received from my pension fund, on balance of all claims, several hundred thousand Swiss francs, therefore I had enough equity capital, so that I can now run my business successfully without bank loans. The volume of incoming orders is quite considerable, I have therefore again founded a company, my business premises office and warehouse in Avignon are extremely modest, moreover, I have hired an additional employee to handle the daily orders and send them to my export customers. Never again I would like to work full time myself, my additional administrative office work in Avignon claims at most fifty percent activity, the rest of the time I would like to spend meaningfully in Provence and especially in the Lubéron Nature Park.

My ashes have still not been blown by the mistral to my beloved villages within the last two years that I have now spent in Provence. I am still alive. These villages and the fascinating landscape in the Lubéron have changed my human nature as a result of my long walks and encounters with the Provençal people.

My former life with my idea of success as power, financial wealth and luxury possessions of all kinds as well as social admiration mean nothing to me anymore. My small Provencal house in Lacoste is paradise in the natural park in the heart of Provence. There is nothing more in this world that I would want in addition, here I have found my happiness and complete satisfaction. I have learned to live with nature, to live here is the perfect fulfillment, every day is marked by a new experience, the corresponding seasons are always fascinating. The freedom, pine scent, red wine under plane trees, and long summer nights are like the fairy tale of a thousand and one nights. Spring often begins early in the year and brings numerous flowers everywhere in the Lubéron, the fruit and almond trees bloom, as well as many wildflowers.

Summer is also the time of lavender flowering. The flowering period of lavender in Provence begins, depending on the region, from mid to late June, but in some locations only in July. It then lasts until August, or sometimes a few flowers can still be found until the beginning of September. In autumn the vines turn colorful after the grape harvest. In winter comes the Mistral, a cold wind from the north blows sometimes for days at high speeds of up to 120 km / h, but then also provides a bright blue sky.

Spring bloom in the Lubéron, almond tree, gorse

During this time I do the necessary renovation work on my house and in the evening I enjoy the fireplace and the smell of my freshly split vines and look forward to dinner accompanied by Provençal wines. Where the sun pampers the landscape, top wines also thrive. The focus of viticulture in the Lubéron is on light rosé wines, followed by red and white wines. With this fascination of pine scents, red wine under plane trees, long summer nights and ever changing seasons, I have never spent a day in solitude.

I always look forward to the visit of my family members and grandchildren who spend their vacations with me in Provence. Nevertheless we spend these days with much joy, laughter and satisfaction as well as visits to small villages and in addition Avignon, Arles, Nimes, Aix en Provence and weekly markets, the respective parting is again a relief, the aperitives as well as the boule games with the Provençal friends in my village café are now possible without time limits.

My hikes through the cedar and oak forests of the Lubéron combined with visits to the beautiful mountain villages in the impressive nature in a varied cultural landscape are now the complete fulfillment in my life.

The thoughts of my great love, of Michelé are still present, never can I, even after this long time of our final separation, remove this love happiness from my thoughts, time heals wounds and other perspectives determine the further life, nevertheless there are still days in deep mourning that I have to spend with an immense pain and longing for Michele.

Entrances decorated with flowers in Provence

Teil 1 Storm and Stress

3

Foundation stone

The foundation stone for my present chaotic life was certainly laid by my parents in complete ignorance. As the only son (born in 1935), I grew up with two sisters in a highly respected family of factory owners.

My youth was paradise on earth; everything I ever wished for has come to pass, all problems and minor difficulties have been sorted out immediately. I was never held responsible for any failure. My father – unlike me – was fundamentally honest; his supreme laws were moral and ethical principles. In spite of a large villa on a respectable property with a park and a small forest, where my sisters and I were allowed to spend our beautiful youthful years, my father always remained extremely modest, although on the other hand he was also a person of respect, who also enjoyed great popularity among all friends, acquaintances and neighbors. Unfortunately, my father always tried to protect me so as not to endanger the reputation of his family. I never received a beating or any other punishment for any of my youthful pranks, except for one time when, out of convenience, I instructed my childhood friend to look for worms in our garden for my father, who was a passionate fisherman; the slap I received for this still hurts me today.

In addition, I was no longer allowed to move cars on our private property, although I had learned to drive at the age of ten, accompanied by my father, on the dirt roads along his thirty-kilometer trout stream. In fact, these lessons had also led me, on appropriate occasions and in the absence of my parents, to use one of the cars that were always ready to drive in our factory to make excursions at breathtaking speed through our residential area and the surrounding countryside. On several occasions I met the village policeman, who was riding his motorcycle from one locality to the next to quench his enormous thirst.

My father, who was a sociable man and therefore indulged in his beloved card game several times a week in our village, also met the policeman on these occasions. Although he had told him each time about my forbidden excursions, he never had the courage to file criminal charges against me or my family; if only because my father usually paid his not inconsiderable wine bills when he visited the inn. So the policeman had every reason to resign himself to the situation.

This carefree life without responsibility and consequences has shaped my character accordingly. I am in and of myself an intelligent and clever being who is always concerned about his advantage. Conversely, however, I have not learned to take responsibility myself for mistakes I have made, because the consequences of my mistakes have always been borne by my parents. When my school teacher, who was a friend of the family, wanted me to repeat the third grade of elementary school, my family had no understanding for this request of my teacher; of course, I then attended the fourth grade of elementary school. However, this resulted in big problems at school. But since my family could not accept that their son repeated an elementary school grade, I was placed in a private boarding school that had much of a four-star hotel. In this school I completed two school years without repeating a grade and then rejoined the sixth grade of the elementary school in my home community. Of course, after a short time it turned out that my qualifications for high school were not sufficient, so I was again placed in a private boarding school. In this way, to the great delight of my parents, I was able to complete both elementary and high school without disgrace and without repeating a grade.

After school, although I had expressed my exclusive interest in automotive and aircraft engineering, I had to complete a practical apprenticeship with additional commercial training in my father's food company. During those years of my apprenticeship, however, I spent every free minute in the car garage of a friend of my parents or, as a result of my enthusiasm for flying, at various airfields.

Although I knew every component of a car and had extensive knowledge of aircraft technology, to the great delight of my parents I successfully completed my training and also received the MG sports car promised to me immediately afterwards. Since I no longer had to work daily in our manufacturing plant, I was allowed to visit our customers on my own, after a lengthy introductory period by our sales department. Despite my great sales success, I was not paid the commissions I had been promised, on the grounds that our factory would be transferred to me in a few years. Although I had enough pocket money to live well and everything else was paid, after that my ambition to be a successful salesman dwindled noticeably.

Since I was never enthusiastic about my father's company, I had decided to learn to fly without my parents' knowledge. How I was ever going to finance this endeavor was completely indifferent to me. In fact, my father later paid the corresponding bills, which of course I could not pay, with an unimaginable fury. In a short time, I was able to successfully complete the first stage of my pilot training. When my father then also told me in no uncertain terms that my future workplace had to be in his company and that he was no longer willing to pay even one franc for my flying, I decided never to work in his company.

Today I must confess, as I write my biography, that this was the greatest lack of sense in my still young life. If forty years ago I had complied with my parents' most fervent wish, my life would not have turned out in this chaotic state. My decision to turn my back on my father's company for all time is the mistake of my life so far, because it is impossible to build up an equivalent company again in a single lifetime. If I had had the patience to work for a few more years at that time, I am sure that all my wishes would have been fulfilled in a different way and that my plans at that time would have been realized at a later time. Thus, after these events, I continued to live in my beautiful and familiar home. And although at that time the expenses for my car and other expenses were paid by my parents and our long-time domestic servant Berta occasionally diverted smaller amounts of money from our household coffers for me, I wanted to earn some extra money outside my father's business in the short time until the long military service began. In my home community I had obtained a short-term job in a car repair shop with an hourly wage of two francs. I performed this work for six weeks to the complete satisfaction of my employer and then completed a long period of military service.

As a result of my pilot license, to my great surprise, after completing my military service, I obtained a sales position with an American company that sold sport aircraft, aircraft components, and electronics. The next two years were complete fulfillment for me. However, since the market opportunities were too slim and the desired sales success fell short of expectations, this branch was dissolved. In the meantime, my father had realized that his son would never come back to continue the parental business with success. Then the opportunity arose to sell his block of shares to his brother and business partner. At that time, I was just happy that the issue of my succession in his company was settled for all time. However, if he had known at that time that his son would destroy his entire fortune in the following twenty years — the resulting worries also contributed to his premature death - he would certainly never have sold his company. My mother, who had to live on without an own fortune after his death and was severely marked by this fate, was supported in every way to the end of her life by my two sisters, who were happily and successfully married.

4

Sabrina

After my father sold his company, my two sisters and I each received a larger amount of money as an early inheritance. With this start-up capital, I opened my first company and married my first wife a short time later. At that time, I invested a large part of my money in the purchase of an American luxury car and used the rest as a down payment for the purchase of vending machines. The contents of these vending machines consisted of food, candy, and toys that could be taken out of the machine in exchange for inserting a coin. All of these vending machines were mounted in convenient locations and required refilling and maintenance several times a week. However, the income from this business was not enough to cover our higher-than-average living expenses and the additional loan repayments for the vending machines and merchandise deliveries. This was the beginning of my lifelong tightrope walk and it came as it had to. As a blameless young entrepreneur from the best family, I was granted various bank loans and was able to continue financing my lifestyle in keeping with my status. Fully aware that a huge bang with a miserable end was imminent in the foreseeable future, I simply wanted to enjoy life up to that point. I enjoyed my long vacation trips to the Côte d'Azur and Provence with my then wife until the last moment, because I did not want to and could not do without flying, my tailor-made suits, or much else. But the success of my business fell far short of my expectations and the financial situation became more and more unbearable every day. When the first payment orders from my creditors and threats of additional criminal actions arrived, I was forced to inform my parents about this hopeless situation. Despite the greatest arguments and remonstrations, my family would not have been able to bear the shame of my bankruptcy, and so my father liquidated the shambles I had left behind and satisfied all creditors in full.

I started a new life without debts and worries. As an employee of an American company, I sold electronic copiers for the next two years. My salary at the time had to be enough to support myself and my family, so I was forced to live a modest life.

But this life became unbearable for me as time went on, and finally my marriage broke up after only three years. After our divorce, our two children were taken in by my parents, who in the meantime had moved to a smaller house in another community. In this new home, where I also spent a few years, my son Christoph and my daughter Nicole were lovingly and sacrificially cared for by my parents for five years, until my divorced wife remarried. Sabrina, my great childhood sweetheart and first wife, meant a lot to me, so this divorce was a real tragedy for me, from which I suffered for many years to come. I had tried everything to prevent this divorce, but since I did not have a regular income at that time and therefore was not able to guarantee the necessary financial support for my family outside my parental home, the marriage was divorced.

Since Sabrina had entered into a new love affair with a veterinarian during the time of our separation and continued to enjoy the carefree life, I could no longer offer her at that time, my attempts to save this love were futile. Due to the pain, I had suffered and Sabrina's subsequent behavior, an enormous anger began to build up inside me, which eventually led to my refusing to pay her the alimony that had been awarded. Sabrina then filed a criminal complaint for refusal to pay alimony.

I ignored all the requests and summonses I received from the court to take a stand on this matter, and so early one morning the police showed up at my parents' house. My mother opened the front door and since I was not "ready to go" at that early hour, she asked the officer to wait in the entrance hall for a short moment. My mother informed me about this early visit and I decided to leave our house in a hurry through another exit in order to escape this unsympathetic environment with my car in the fastest way possible. But since our garage was right next to the entrance of our house, the police officer recognized me and wanted to stop my car, which was already in motion, in a daring and life-threatening action. He yelled like a madman and screamed, "Stop, stop!" Then he jumped on the rear of my car and, since I did not stop immediately and the car continued to move for about ten meters, he was dragged along accordingly. This circumstance had serious consequences. Even afterwards I was arrested by this policeman and brought before the competent examining magistrate; in addition, my driver's license was revoked for a longer period of time. After complete clarification of the criminal facts, I was finally released from the remand prison after three days. The subsequent court verdict brought me a minor prison sentence, which was suspended for two years.

My childhood sweetheart Sabrina was an outspoken beauty who was the envy of everyone. While her wishes and dreams had always come true until our marriage, she no longer had this happiness in her later life. Although Sabrina had married a man fifteen years her senior in a top executive position after our divorce, she was no longer happy with him and eventually put an end to her life herself. Sabrina came from humble beginnings and had a very hard youth in which she had to fight for everything herself. At the moment of our marriage, me and Sabrina did not have any assets; this was also one of the reasons why my parents stayed away from our marriage, which did not correspond to their ideas of a wedding befitting their status. In my later life, I could see again and again that people from modest backgrounds make the highest demands in their later lives, because once they have had a taste of a good life in luxury and financial independence, they do not want to return to their modest circumstances under any circumstances, but cling on like drowning people and try by all means to maintain what they have achieved.

The most important things for them are money and wealth, and since they had to fight for survival like animals in their youth, they also behave like animals. I would like to explicitly state that this is mainly about female creatures who happen to have achieved a noticeable social advancement through their marriage. On the other hand, I treat people from the same milieu, who have earned their later success and prosperity themselves, with the deepest respect.

Children who spent their youth in an affluent family and did not have to struggle for daily survival often unfortunately only learn in later years that a future life under equal conditions cannot be taken for granted.

In my situation at the time, without a driver's license and due to the additional obligation to make corresponding maintenance payments to Sabrina, I was forced to sell weekly magazines on an annual subscription basis for a publishing company. I traveled by public transport and sold these subscriptions to numerous households. The description of my experiences would take up a chapter of its own, ranging from confrontations with biting dogs, to sex-starved women who wanted to be satisfied immediately, to homosexual men, to old women who wanted to tell me their long stories of illness. All in all, I earned an above-average amount of money by selling these magazines at that time; but since I had also catered to certain desires of the female sex on several occasions, my commissions were ultimately hard-earned money. After a year, I gave up this job again, preferring to spend the next few years in various companies in the field.

5

Anushka

In the meantime, I had reached my twenty-eighth year and was married for the second time. Anushka, with whom I was to share my life in the following twenty-nine years, corresponded to my ideas in every respect. Still far from my expectations in those days, however, was my professional success, which still had not materialized to my satisfaction. At that time, I had proven myself through diligence and had been promoted to sales manager in a pharmaceutical company. This meant that I could look forward to an orderly future with a secure pension, but this was anything but my fulfillment. Living a life like millions of other people live and have to live every day was not my life. Something had to happen, my inner restlessness could no longer be endured, I wanted to carry out an independent activity under all circumstances. So, in addition to my daily work as an employee, I began to visit some industrial fairs at home and abroad in order to find suitable industrial goods that I could sell independently. Anushka, who had very modest demands on life and put inner values above financial prosperity, agreed with my desire to work out my own company.

We had a beautiful home and were very happy, my previous marriage to Sabrina now no longer burdened me. With the additional savings that Anushka had brought into our marriage, every foundation was laid for a fulfilling life together. My parents thanked God that a woman like Anushka was with me, and Anushka was welcomed into my family like my own child and respected in every way.

Anushka was the daughter of a large landowner and was allowed to spend a beautiful youth in the circle of her family. But as a result of political power shifts and military conflicts, the family had lost their beautiful estate in what was then Czechoslovakia, a blow that her father did not survive. The family had to leave their ancestral home and start a new life in a foreign land. These challenges welded this family into an inseparable unit, and their surroundings at that time, surrounded by nature and animals, shaped Anushka's character. Anushka's mother was always a lady to her father and for these reasons Anushka also became a lady. Her upbringing was perfect, ethics and morals were always a matter of course and never during our twenty-nine years of being together did I hear a word of cursing or a lie. Anushka is truly the only lady I have met in my life so far. Anushka's consummate beauty was not so much external as ascertainable within her soul. Her outer appearance corresponded to a rough and fascinating landscape, her eyes were blue cornflowers, her body was slender and flexible like an ear of corn. I cannot imagine that Anushka could have endured life with me for so long without her youthful experiences. In addition, however, there was our daughter Katja, who in any case also had a right to orderly family circumstances in a beautiful home.

6

The second company

By visiting important industrial fairs abroad, I again found interesting products, this time of the food industry, which I was able to sell to the industry in Switzerland as an independent entrepreneur. The necessary start-up capital for my second company was once again provided by my parents, but despite tireless work and the greatest personal commitment, it was extremely difficult to sell these products to industry; the development of this new business continually consumed additional funds, which I received as loans from various banks. Since many smaller orders were placed with me in a relatively short period of time, the desired success had to be achieved in the long term, which is what happened after I received the corresponding orders. Thus, not only could my loans to the banks be repaid in a short time, but I was also in the fortunate situation of being able to work out additional assets. The following two years were crowned with success and my private life with my family was blessed with happiness. Unfortunately, however, eternity only exists in death, and so the news from my manufacturer that it wanted to set up its own subsidiary in Switzerland and would therefore soon no longer be able to fulfill our supply contracts hit me like a bolt from the blue. I had built up this market with diligence and great financial risk, now others were to profit from it - I admit that I found this difficult to accept.

At that time I understood that ruthlessness, brutality and amoral actions are the keys to comprehensive financial success. These exploiters, who call themselves human, have no measure and also want to put even more into their greedy throats; Unfortunately, experience shows that few choke on this insatiable greed. This is also the reason, why large companies and their boards and shareholders are becoming more and more powerful at the expense of small and medium-sized enterprises. Forward-looking companies which, despite hard work, an appropriate portion of pioneering spirit and a large financial risk due to insufficient equity, fail to achieve the success they deserve, end up being taken over or significantly controlled by large corporations and banks.

Due to this loss, I was forced to immediately find a replacement product in order to continue supplying my customers, but despite my best efforts, I could not find a manufacturer that produced exactly those products. It was then that I realized that diversification through different products is necessary for a company to survive such setbacks. However, in order to realize such projects, the necessary capital was once again essential. I tried everything possible and impossible to save my small trading company from the worst, but once again I was forced to take out bank loans. I obtained these also on the basis of the previous success and thus under false pretenses, and thus I had committed fraudulent acts. The collapse of my company was finally the consequence, my home, which I had loved so much, was dissolved and the entire household effects were sold by compulsory auction; my wife Anuschka lost her inherited jewelry and her entire savings. Although my parents also stood by me again and settled the enormous sum of the remaining loss, the previous criminal charges filed by the banks concerned could not be withdrawn. The court verdict handed down in these proceedings brought me seven months in prison as a result of the earlier penalty, which I have already mentioned in detail.

During this difficult time, Anuschka has always stood by me, disputes and reproaches have not occurred, all shame and humiliation she has endured. During the time when my crimes were being investigated and there was still no legally binding verdict, I applied for a senior position in a Swiss company that was looking for a managing director for its branch in Germany. Since I wanted to avoid my prospective prison sentence at all costs, I took all measures available to me to obtain this position. In the various job interviews, I presented myself and my person with an extremely well-groomed appearance and perfect manners, which leave everyone with an unshakable impression of respectability, so well that I would certainly have won a film Oscar with my appearance. Of course, it is undisputed that I did not operate by legal means that corresponded to the truth and simply did not possess the required qualifications. However, despite the fact that I did not have the industry knowledge required for this new job, or only very insufficiently, and that other applicants were also in the running, I was given this job. After a lengthy introductory and training period in Switzerland, which to my own surprise I completed without any major problems, I was able to take on my new role in Stuttgart. An above-average salary and the apartment building provided to me in a well-kept environment were the cornerstones of a new beginning for my existence, which had failed up to that moment. My wife Anuschka and I were extremely happy to be able to live in a foreign country without a past.

The new job was a complete challenge for me, my working days consisted of fifteen or more hours, some weekends I even spent completely in my office. All my plans and ideas could be carried out without any financial burden, which in the long run, if it was a good project, had to bring the desired success. Thus, I was able to more than meet all the expectations and goals of my employer and to increase the sales figures of our products above average. My parents, who visited us regularly, were very proud of their son, who, it seemed, had finally found the right path. At least that's what they hoped, but unfortunately this life of peace and success came to a tragic end after two years.

Because of the prison sentence imposed on me, I was arrested by the police out of the blue, so to speak. It was precisely this prison sentence that I had wanted to avoid at all costs; after moving to Germany, I had not even expected that I would ever be confronted with this matter again abroad. But now I was in extradition custody. After a week in prison, I was released pending a decision on the extradition request with the condition that I report daily to the police station in my place of residence. The following talks with my completely shocked employer about the continuation of the employment relationship were unsuccessful and my employment contract was terminated with immediate effect.

Despite a larger settlement sum, the loss of this job meant the end for me; moreover, my lawyer informed me that the pending extradition request would most likely be granted. My wife Anuschka, who still stood by me and put up with this bankruptcy, asked me to serve my prison sentence in Switzerland; as long as this matter was not settled, a continuation of a normal family life was out of the question. After dissolving our household and selling all the furniture, we returned to Switzerland. Despite identity checks at the Swiss border, I was not immediately arrested there, contrary to all expectations; however, I subsequently made myself "available" to the authorities, accompanied by my lawyer. Meanwhile, my wife and our daughter found a temporary home with my parents.

7

The prison sentence

I served my sentence in the great outdoors, in a prison that was not a prison in the conventional sense, but a farm attached to the penitentiary. I had to serve my sentence from March to October, and the daily work on the farm and the contact with the animals strengthened my relationship with nature. I was able to observe how life awoke in spring and fell asleep again in late fall; learned that everything that was planted had to be cared for responsibly and with much love and care so that a successful harvest could take place.

Comparable to this is the meaningful and fulfilled life of a human being, but unfortunately the instruction manual for such a fulfilled life is not available in any library, but can only be learned in life itself. If every human being would form his life as nature models it, paradise on earth would be guaranteed and all crimes, wars and other misery would be excluded. The intrusion of man into nature has therefore not remained without consequences. The greed of humans after power and money is however boundless, even if or straight because nearly all goods, which are produced on this world, are basically senseless and serve only the increase of power and money. If money did not exist, exploitation of man and nature by man would not be possible.

The time of my serving my sentence additionally opened my eyes as far as people were concerned, because during one of my wife's monthly visits, which took place under the supervision of a priest, Anushka had waited for a suitable moment to illegally slip two packs of cigarettes into my trouser pocket. Unfortunately, the holy father of God noticed this and broke off the visit. Anushka then had to leave the site of her serious crime under the most severe threats of punishment. During that time, I made the experience that all the priests in this world were no better than other people; on the contrary, they wore a deceptive halo on their highly raised heads and were ready to reciprocate only if it was to their own advantage. They mastered the business of the church to absolute perfection, for they allowed themselves to be rewarded for every good and comforting word. Without scruples and without morals, they run a perfect and successful industrial enterprise at the expense of the faithful. With few exceptions, these canons lead a life of pleasure and, like fattening geese, are stuffed with the most delicious food and noble wines of the very best class. With few exceptions, these hypocrites are incapable of leading a so-called normal life out of convenience and fear of the daily struggle for survival. Their claim to be a worshipper of God and to renounce all the beautiful pleasures of life does not correspond to the truth. Their claim to be able to live in paradise after death as a reward for their sacrifice is self-deception; I am convinced that the majority will burn in the so-called hell.

I was brought up strictly Catholic as a child and can well remember that my father was extremely generous when going to church on Sundays for the respective collection of offerings and in contrast to the other churchgoers. Each coin made a thudding sound when it was put into the offering box, which to my great dismay was absent on special holidays, when my father was even more generous and put a bill into the box. For this and other reasons, at that time our priest regularly visited us at home and the subsequent dinner accompanied by the best wines always lasted several hours. Finally, our priest took leave of us with an additional "offering" for the needy humanity and additional stimulants from our factory at a late hour with thanks to God and the assurance that our family will receive a good place in paradise.

I would like to state with all clarity that I believe in a God and that this is therefore an important contribution of my life; assuming that our pastor was not lying, I can spend eternity in paradise after my earthly existence ends. At that time, however, life for me was anything but paradise. Despite the risk of having to spend the rest of my sentence behind bars after all, I wrote a letter to my wife Anushka and arranged to meet her in the open air. This letter was forwarded to my wife by a fellow prisoner after her release. Since I had to do various jobs on the farm independently and unsupervised, various opportunities arose to meet my Anuschka in an adjacent wooded area. My wife visited me every time and at any desired time at the greatest risk, and so I had enough cigarettes for the rest of my imprisonment and also had other small comforts that made life bearable under the given circumstances The time after my release, marked by my return to my parents, whose house also became our home for the next time, was a humiliation that I will never forget. My father could never get over this disgrace, and without the goodwill of my mother, who had demanded the utmost understanding from my father, a return to my parents would have been impossible. My wife Anuschka, who in the meantime had returned to work as an office worker, could no longer bear living together in this atmosphere and after a short time rented a smaller apartment. This new home was another new beginning and the renewed establishment of an existence. I was now thirty-six years old, penniless, and had an extremely precarious reputation for a lonely future.

To get out of this hopeless situation, superhuman forces had to be mobilized. The support, understanding and love of Anushka gave me the strength to shape my future positively and successfully. As a result of my previous business connections abroad, I was able to convince a business friend and owner of an important company to realize the long-standing plans for a branch office in Switzerland. Without knowing about my past, he hired me as managing director with a princely salary and additional success commissions. Nothing in this world could destroy me. For most other people who had suffered the same fate, this would have meant the certain end of a successful existence. Not so for me. My conscience, to which all ethics and morals were alien, allowed a life that basically only the mentally disturbed could lead.

A life based on the pretense of false facts or led under concealment of past machinations is a consummate self-deception and therefore always leads to certain disaster. My insatiable drive for recognition and the overriding need to succeed at any cost, even without regard for rules and laws, caused me to use all means at my disposal, whether legal or not. I was well aware of the consequences that could result from my actions, but at the same time I was convinced that I would never get into the situation of actually having to take responsibility for my actions. Since I always thought positively and was convinced of the success of an undertaking under certain conditions, I could not control my irresponsible actions. This boundless optimism then also caused my life to be heaven and hell at the same time, because the unbearable tensions and burdens were the consummate hell.

My iron will and my tireless efforts in the following two years finally led to the successful development of this company in Switzerland as well. Through hard work, I had once again secured a future-rich existence for myself, my above-average income and the harmony in my marriage to Anuschka formed the cornerstones for my continued success.

By participating in various trade fairs, especially in Eastern Europe, and further visits abroad to industrial companies, I was able to expand my business relationships. Despite my past, the thought of owning my own company was still in my mind, because this hidden and devil-possessed ghost never gives rest. A life as an employee was never my life, because it limited my freedom. Creating a fulfilled life was impossible for me as long as I was only a servant, even if I was well paid as such. I felt the daily orders and instructions of others, especially the superiors, as humiliation; I was neither slave nor serf and could not bear this condition in the long run. Doing something I didn't want to do every day was like blackmail; having to accept rules and conditions from my employers was torture. So, my inner turmoil was also no longer bearable and I had to restore my self-respect.