Kitabı oxu: «Need You Tonight»
Need You Tonight
Roni Loren
Dedication
To my husband, my family, and my readers. Without your support, I would just be that weird girl who spends way too much time thinking about imaginary people.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Epilogue
About the Author
Also by Roni Loren
Praise for Roni Loren
Copyright
About the Publisher
PROLOGUE
Someone’s naked ass is on my imported marble countertops. That was Tessa’s first thought when she walked into her kitchen that warm Tuesday afternoon. Not, Why is Doug home this early? Or, Why does he have his pants around his ankles? And most definitely not Why is my best friend moaning like an injured cat? Nope. Tessa’s brain couldn’t absorb those things just yet. Instead all she could think about was how there was a butt cheek sliding along the spot where she’d chopped strawberries for breakfast.
The two occupants in the kitchen didn’t even notice they were no longer alone, apparently too caught up in their counter defiling to bother. God, were they that oblivious and swept up in passion? It’s not like she’d been particularly quiet walking in. And she’d slept with the man who’d dropped trou in this little tableau for the last thirteen years. She knew he didn’t inspire losing yourself to the moment. But maybe he saved his good tricks for Tuesday afternoons when he fucked the woman Tessa would’ve trusted her life with before today.
Tessa cleared her throat, attempting to draw their attention, but all that greeted her was the sound of Doug telling that lying bitch how hot she was. Rage washed through Tessa in a slow, powerful roll, boiling up and over until she was shaking with it. She calmly set down her purse next to the fruit bowl and wrapped her hand around a large navel orange. Without pausing to reflect, she lifted the fruit and launched it right at her husband’s head.
It went whizzing past him without notice, sailing into the living room, but she couldn’t stop herself now. She picked up another and hurled it even harder. This one hit him right on the ear with a fat thud.
“What the fuck?” Doug’s hand went up to his ear, and he swiveled his head her way. “Shit.”
The traitor on the counter opened her eyes then, her gaze going wide.
But Tessa kept throwing. Oranges, apples, a grapefruit that landed with satisfying impact. It was as if some other force had possessed her. Fruit whizzed across the kitchen, pelting the both of them as they scrambled to get up and pull their clothes around themselves.
“Ow, Tessa, stop it! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Doug roared as he yanked at his pants with one hand while trying to fend off flying fruit with the other.
“What is wrong with me? Me?!” Tessa shouted, knowing she sounded like a lunatic but unable to stop herself.
“Tessa, honey,” Marilyn said, hands out in front of her, blouse still hanging open. “Let’s just calm down, okay?”
Tessa pinned her former best friend with a glare. “Did you just dare speak to me?”
“Marilyn, sweetheart,” Doug said softly, putting a hand on her elbow and blocking her from Tessa with his body. “Why don’t you get out of here? I’ll deal with her.”
Sweetheart? Deal with her? Loud, crashing bells were going off in Tessa’s head. She was glad the knife block was out of reach because she wasn’t sure she could trust herself in that moment.
Marilyn nodded after a quick, worried glance at Tessa then hurried through the living room toward the sliding glass doors that led to the pool area and a backyard exit. Apparently, she knew better than to try to walk by Tessa to get to the front door. Wise move. Because Tessa was ready to throw down Jerry Springer style.
With a tired sigh, Doug turned back to Tessa, his fly still unbuttoned and his dick still half-mast behind the material. The bastard hadn’t even lost his erection. In fact, he looked more annoyed that he’d been interrupted than ashamed of what he’d done. Tessa’s fist balled. “You lying, cheating asshole.”
He pulled on his dress shirt and looked around at the carnage of busted fruit on the floor. “Call the maid and have her come in early to clean this up. It’ll draw ants if it sits too long. I’ve got to get back to my office.”
Tessa blinked, almost too stunned to speak. “That’s what you have to say for yourself?”
“You don’t want to hear what I have to say.” He adjusted his cuffs like it was any other day of getting ready for work and not like the whole foundation of their marriage had shattered beneath them.
“Oh, no. I really do,” she said, seething.
His mouth curled in condescension. “Fine. You want to hear that I need something on the side? That you don’t satisfy all of my needs?”
“Your needs?” If she’d had another piece of citrus to throw, she would’ve reached for it then. How many nights had she put all she had into pleasing him even when he hadn’t put half the effort toward her? How many times had she donned expensive lingerie trying to catch his eye? She’d been willing to do anything for him. She’d loved him.
And he’d been screwing around on her the whole time. With her best friend. The thought almost doubled her over. She reached out and grabbed the edge of the counter.
“Look, you’re upset. I get it. But, Tessa, it’s just sex. I don’t love them, and I’m not going to leave you for any of them. They’re not a threat to you.”
“You have the nerve to talk to me about love right now?” she asked, her throat trying to close. Them. So it was more than Marilyn. She wondered if Marilyn knew she was just the tramp in the Tuesday slot on his calendar. “You’re disgusting.”
His lips curved back into that patronizing smirk he was so good at. “And you’re boring in bed and my intellectual inferior, but I’ve learned to live with it. At least you’re nice to look at now that you’ve gotten your gym routine back on course.”
The hateful words knocked the breath right out of her. Doug had said mean things to her before in the heat of the moment. They’d been together since high school, so of course they’d had their fights. He could be critical beyond reason, always watching that she didn’t eat too many calories or go outdoors without makeup or say the wrong thing in public. She’d tolerated it because she knew how concerned about image he was in his role as the great Pastor Barrett of the Living Light mega-church. And she’d comforted herself with those moments when he was sweet and indulgent with her behind closed doors. He had the capacity to make her feel like a princess. And even though those times had grown few and far between over the last few years, she’d had no idea his opinion of her had sunk so low. Boring in bed. Inferior. Stupid.
God, is that what he told the women he cheated on her with? My wife isn’t too bright, and she’s clueless in the sack.
She grabbed her purse, her stomach threatening to toss up all its contents. She couldn’t stand here for another second and look at his smarmy face, smell the scent of sex in the air. “Go to hell, Doug. I hope you’re happy with your college-educated whores. Now you won’t have to worry about me getting in the way.”
He scoffed. “Come on, Tessa. Stop being melodramatic. You’re not going to divorce me. Your life and everything in it exists because of me. Leave and it all goes away. You’re going to give up all this just because I like a novel fuck every now and then? Please. You wouldn’t even know how to survive without a man taking care of you.” He grabbed his wallet and flipped a piece a plastic her way. “Here, take the credit card. Go punish me by buying something useless and extravagant—you’re good at that—and we’ll move on.”
The credit card landed at her feet, and she had the urge to spear its platinum face with the heel of her Jimmy Choo pump. He was right. If she left him, every bit of her lifestyle would disappear in a poof. From the clothes on her back to the oranges she’d hurled—all of it was funded by him. There’d be no way to prove his affair in court, not with the legal demons he could afford to hire. And she’d signed a prenup. She’d be left with a pittance of alimony. All the comfort and security she’d worked toward her whole life would be gone. She’d be back where she started all those years ago—a nobody with nothing.
Alone. With no money of her own and only a high-school education to her name.
She bent and picked up the card from the floor, turning it in her fingers before dropping it in her purse.
Doug smiled, satisfied. Victorious.
Without another word, she turned on her heels and calmly walked back out to her Mercedes. When she made it into town, she bought the two most extravagant things she could think of.
The services of an attorney.
And a plane ticket home.
It’d be the last of Doug Barrett’s money she’d ever spend.
ONE
“Hold up. Why are you buying condoms?” Tessa snatched the box of Trojans from Sam’s fingertips and held them up like Exhibit A. “You said this was an emergency stop.”
Sam sent her an innocent look, one that Tessa had seen her use rather effectively on both sets of foster parents she’d shared with Sam. “What? I’m out. And we may need them.”
“You may need condoms,” Tessa repeated. “For a cooking class.”
Sam grabbed another box from the rack. “We may need them. I’ll get some for you, too. You never know who we might meet.”
Tessa groaned and looked up at the buzzing fluorescent lights of the drugstore. Sam’s ability to look for dating opportunities around every corner never failed to amaze Tessa. “We’re not going to meet anyone. It’s a cooking class. It’s going to be married couples, women, and gay men.”
Which is exactly why Tessa had agreed to go. After months of Sam trying to drag her out to bars or clubs on Friday nights to get her over that “dickwad ex-husband,” finally her friend had come up with something that didn’t make Tessa’s stomach turn and her body break out into a cold sweat. But now, as she took in Sam’s snug skirt and high heels, Tessa’s dread was growing. She’d thought Sam had simply chosen to dress up because the class was being held at one of the swankiest restaurants in Dallas. But now the puzzle pieces were locking together into a new picture.
“Straight men like to cook, too,” Sam pointed out as she strolled away from the prophylactics aisle toward the cosmetics section. “Particularly when it’s a Perfect Match meet-up event.”
Tessa’s shoe squeaked on the floor as she halted midstride. “Sam, you better be screwing with me.”
Sam grabbed a lip gloss off a rack and held the colored cap next to Tessa’s mouth, frowned, then picked up a different color. “I’m not screwing with you. I’m helping you. My friend is the receptionist at the local Perfect Match office. She offered to sneak us onto the list because the event wasn’t full. How could I pass it up? It was like fate tapping my shoulder. You want to scratch items off your list. This will accomplish that and maybe get you a date as a bonus. Two for the price of one.”
“Learning to cook is on my list. Dating is not. Dating is actually diametrically opposed to the whole spirit of the list.”
“Diametrically? Wow, someone’s getting As in her night classes.” Sam gave her a teasing smile and dropped the lip gloss into her handbasket. “And if I’m not mistaken, one of the items you have on that sacred to-do list of yours is to tackle being ‘boring in bed.’ How exactly do you plan to fix that one without actually coming into contact with the opposite sex?”
A guy perusing greeting cards across the aisle gave them a sideways glance and smirked. Tessa’s face heated. “Could you at least try to keep your voice down while discussing my sex life?”
“What sex life?” Sam replied, not bothering to lower her voice. “This is exactly why we’re going tonight. You need to loosen up. Be open to a world of infinite possibilities. And by possibilities, I mean hot men.”
“Ugh.” She should’ve never let Sam see her stupid list. It’d been something she’d written down in those first few weeks after she’d left Doug and her life in Atlanta. She’d landed in Dallas with no plan, no place to stay, no job. All she’d had was her suitcase and a head filled with all the critical things Doug had said to her over the course of their marriage and that final day in the kitchen.
He’d said she was nothing without him.
And as she’d sat in Sam’s guest room one night, trying to put together a resume to apply for jobs and feeling sorry for herself, she’d realized the bastard had been right on some level. Since she’d met Doug in high school, her entire existence had been centered on being who he wanted her to be. Being what everyone wanted her to be. For Doug, it was the doting girlfriend. For her classmates, it was the bubbly, popular cheerleader. For her foster parents, it was the girl who never broke the rules and went to church with them every Sunday.
She’d been a master chameleon without ever realizing it. It’d kept her from being moved to yet another home. It’d kept her safe from the vicious bullying in high school. It’d given her a way to secure a future with a man who would take care of her. She’d never be that little girl left alone and scared again.
Only the whole plan had been built out of Popsicle sticks. She’d counted on someone else for her happiness and security. A fatal mistake. How had she ever let herself be so stupid as to trust someone again? Her mother had said she’d always be there and look how that had turned out. Trust was for suckers.
As Tessa had stared at that blinking cursor, she’d made a decision. Never would she let herself depend on anyone else again. She would survive on her own. She’d done it for years as a kid. She could do it now. And she wouldn’t just make it through, she’d transform. Thrive. She’d vowed that by the end of the year, a resume of her life would no longer be a stark blank page. She would take those insults Doug had hurled at her and use them as fuel, not only to find a job but to tackle every facet of her life. She’d prove that she was more than the trophy wife she’d let herself become.
But that plan had not included dating. Sex, maybe. Eventually. She didn’t plan to enter the convent and abstain for the rest of her life. But dating and any emotional entanglements would only send her sliding backward. “Sam, I’m not ready to date. You know that.”
Sam sighed and linked her arm with Tessa’s, leading her to the register. “So come for the food and cooking lesson then. The whole point of these meet-ups is that it’s a no pressure environment. And we’re getting sangria and a fancy meal for free. How long has it been since you’ve had a chance to eat at a restaurant that doesn’t serve food wrapped in greasy paper?”
Tessa groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
One of the main reasons she was interested in cooking classes in the first place was because she missed the delicious meals Doug’s housekeeper used to prepare for them and all the gourmet restaurants she and Doug had gone to regularly. If she had to eat another bowl of canned soup, she might stab herself with the spoon. But she didn’t have the income to fund nice restaurants anymore. So if she wanted to eat something that wasn’t frozen or canned, she was going to have to learn how to cook it herself.
Sam swiped her credit card and took her bag from the cashier. “Exactly. Barcelona is one of the hottest restaurants around. This is your chance for a major treat. The only sacrifice is that you’ll have to make small talk with a stranger who happens to have a penis. Big deal.”
Tessa sighed, her ability to fight against Sam’s hopeful gaze crumbling. Sam had good intentions, even if they were misguided. And really, what was a little awkward small talk with someone Tessa would never see again when there was free sangria to be had? “You’re lucky I’m a sucker for tapas.”
Sam’s face broke into a grin, and she pulled out the lip gloss to give it to Tessa. “Gloss up, babe. Let’s go cook some shrimp and break some hearts.”
When Tessa walked through the doors of Barcelona, it was like walking through a portal to a world she wasn’t a native of anymore. Soft Spanish music played, the scent of exotic spices drifted through the air, and the saffron-colored walls flickered with the dancing light of candlelit tables. Every detail screamed trendy elegance and money. As did most of the guests sitting at the tables. She could almost see her old self sitting among them, glass in hand, diamonds sparkling at her throat, her husband sitting across from her telling her about the latest plan he was working on. Anyone looking at them would’ve been envious.
But seeing the image in her mind’s eye now showed a picture that was warped and tarnished. An illusion. The conversation would’ve been one-sided because Tessa had never understood Doug’s business speak. The diamond choker around her neck would’ve probably been a guilt gift he’d given her after one of his affairs. And the glass would’ve been filled with sparkling water instead of wine because Doug didn’t allow drinking for either of them in public.
She didn’t miss this world.
And she didn’t miss that woman.
“Hello, ladies, do you have a reservation?” the host asked.
Sam stepped forward. “We’re here for the cooking class.”
“Ah, yes,” he said, his smile welcoming. “Follow me. You’ll be in the banquet room.”
The host led them through the main dining area and then through a short hallway and another set of doors. The banquet room looked much like the other side of the restaurant, but the lights weren’t as low and there were tables set up around the perimeter with cooking equipment and little bowls of ingredients. In the center of the room, there were smaller, more intimate tables where they’d presumably eat their meal after learning how to prepare it. Pitchers of sangria gleamed ruby red on each table. A number of people were already sitting at the small tables, mingling and drinking. The tinkling sounds of nervous, first-date laughter mixed in with the music.
Tessa’s stomach did a flip, and she almost turned to leave. Sam put a hand on Tessa’s arm, as if reading her unspoken intention, and guided her forward. “Don’t chicken out now.”
A man with a clipboard near the entrance grinned brightly. “Welcome to the meet-up ladies. I’m Jim, your event liaison for the night. Names?”
“I’m Samantha Dunbar, and this is Tessa McAllen.”
Jim scanned the clipboard, nodding. “Ms. Dunbar, your perfect match is Cory Heath, table five. He’s already here if you’d like to head over and say hi. We’re letting everyone chat and enjoy their drinks for a few minutes before the class starts. Break the ice, you know?”
“Sure,” Sam said, peeking over at the salt and pepper-haired guy at table five, scanning him from head to loafer. “Sounds good.”
But Tessa’s brain snagged. “Wait a second. I thought we were mingling with everyone?”
Jim smiled. “Oh, no, ma’am. Perfect Match is full service. We took the profile you sent us and matched you up with someone compatible for the evening. No use wasting time on people you have nothing in common with, right?”
“The profile I sent in?” Tessa asked, shooting daggers at Sam.
Sam sent her a please-don’t-kill-me look and gave Tessa’s hand a squeeze. “Just try to have a good time, okay? I promise, it’s no big deal. It’ll be fun.”
With that, Sam hurried off toward her “perfect match.” Tessa had to fight hard not to lose it right there. Not only was she going to have to manage a date with a stranger, but said stranger would be under the impression that they’d been matched together. And God only knew what Sam had put in Tessa’s profile. Probably that she enjoyed long walks on the beach, tantric sex, and belly dancing.
Jim was scanning his list again, and Tessa smoothed the front of her dress. She hadn’t thought to put much effort into her outfit tonight. This was supposed to be a cooking class after all. So she’d stayed in the pale pink blouse and black skirt she’d worn to work. But now she felt plain and out of place. Everyone else had put on their A-game ensemble for date night.
God, why was she even worrying about it? This isn’t a real date. She’d been trained by Doug to look her best at all times because you never knew who you’d run into, and sometimes that old urge was hard to shake. But she wasn’t here to impress anyone. She was here to drink sangria and to learn how to cook. That’s it.
The door opened behind her as more people came in.
“Ms. McAllen?” Jim asked, a small frown curving his thin lips as he lifted his gaze from the clipboard. “Do you have your confirmation number with you? You’re not showing on my list.”
“My what?” She automatically put her hand on her purse but knew she had nothing of the sort in there. “No. My friend set all this up for us both.”
“Hmm.” Jim tapped his pencil on the clipboard. “Well, I’m not showing you on here, which means we don’t have confirmation of your payment. If you’d like to pay the fee now, we can let you stay for the class. Then if you find your confirmation, we’ll refund you. But since you weren’t on the list, we won’t have a match set up for you. You’d be staying for the cooking portion only unless we have any other walk-ins.”
No match? That sounded like a fantastic idea. She’d never been so happy to be left off a guest list. “How much is it?”
“Two hundred dollars.”
A gasp escaped her lips. Two hundred dollars? She should’ve expected it at a place like this, but the number still caught her off guard. And it was a number she couldn’t fund. “I’m sorry. I’ll have to find out what happened to my original fee and do this another time. Maybe I can talk to my friend and see if she has the information.”
He smiled kindly, but she saw the instant dismissal in his eyes. He knew she was bailing because she didn’t have the money. He knew she didn’t belong there. “Of course.”
Shame tried to edge in, heating her cheeks. But she swallowed it back. She would not get teary over missing some stupid cooking class. She took a step to head toward Sam’s table, hoping that even though they were technically party crashers, her friend had some magical confirmation number. But before she could move forward, a warm hand touched her elbow.
“I’ll cover the fee.”
She stiffened at the touch, but the rich timbre of the man’s voice rolled over Tessa like sun-heated ocean water, making her want to close her eyes and soak in it, stay there a while. She turned around, her gaze going up, up, up, and finally colliding with clear blue eyes, a face made for Greek sculpture, and lips … God, his lips. She couldn’t imagine those had ever been used for anything but sex and sin.
She wanted to bite them.
As that image flitted through her mind, any shot she had at a normal, polite response evaporated into mist.
“I’d hate for you to miss one of the best meals of your life because of a computer glitch,” the man said with a ghost of a smile.
Tessa simply stared back like she hadn’t understood the language he spoke. The way he held her gaze had her thoughts scattering and her brain reaching for some memory she couldn’t quite grab ahold of. She shook her head, breaking the gaze and trying to clear her head. No. Get it together, Tessa. This stranger was offering to pay two-hundred dollars for her to eat. She knew how that worked. She’d played that game before. “Really, that’s very kind of you to offer. But I’ll just come back another time.”
He pulled his wallet from his pocket, pulled two crisp bills from it, and handed it to Jim. “I insist. And it’s no problem. I’m sure they’ll pay me back when they find your original reservation.”
Tessa shook her head again, even though her mind was already fast-forwarding and picturing how decadent it would be to sit and sip sangrias with this stranger. But she couldn’t fall into her old habits and let him pay her way. It didn’t matter that he was gorgeous or that he didn’t seem to mind or that he was wearing a watch that said two-hundred dollars was insignificant for him. “I’m sorry. I can’t take your money.”
Before the stranger could protest, she moved past him and the few people waiting behind them to head for the door. She needed to get out—now. She knew it was ridiculous, but she had the sudden urge to cry, to scream, to pound on something. All she’d wanted tonight was to relax and have a fun girl’s night with Sam. Instead, she’d been reminded of the life she used to have, how feeble her bank account was now, and how fucked up she was when it came to men.
She moved through the hallway that led back to the main dining room in a rush, hoping to reach the parking lot before the tears broke free, but a hand touched her shoulder. “Hey, hold up.”
The quiet command of his voice and the gentleness of the touch had her slowing her step before she could think better of it. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and turned around, speech prepared. But when she saw the genuine concern on his face, her words got stuck in her throat.
He tucked his hands in his pockets, the move pulling his black dress shirt snug across what looked to be long, lean muscles beneath. His eyes scanned hers. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to chase you off.”
She put her hand to her too-hot forehead, trying to catch her breath and center herself. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t you. I’m fine. This night just isn’t working out like I thought it would.”
“Expected to meet your perfect match?”
She made a sound that was some mixture of a snort, a sob, and a laugh. “Ha. Hardly. What a joke that is. A perfect match.”
His mouth lifted at the corner, his blue eyes dancing in the flickering light of the wall sconces. “Come on, you don’t think there’s the perfect someone out there for everyone? Someone who’s meant to fit only with you? All the movies say so.”
“Movies sell us a bill of goods,” she said flatly. All that mystical aligning of stars was such bullshit. People got into relationships for what it could do for them. When the benefit ran out, they moved on. She’d seen that proven over and over again.
“Uh-huh,” he said, his tone teasing. “So you’re telling me you paid two-hundred dollars to attend something you don’t buy into?”
“I didn’t pay,” she admitted. “A friend told me she’d get me on the list. And I—I wanted to learn to cook and to taste the food.”
He glanced back at the closed door and chuckled. “Ooh, a party crasher. How scandalous.”
His low laugh was like a gust of summer air across her nerve endings, reminding her of someone long ago. Someone she hadn’t had to be a chameleon for. She found herself smiling, her dour mood lifting. “That’s me. A scandal a minute. And now I’m causing more. I’m sure your perfect match date is anxiously awaiting you inside.”
“Nah, I’m not sold on a perfect match, either. But instant attraction …” He stepped closer and the air in the room thickened and warmed. “That I subscribe to. So, Ms. Party Crasher, answer me one question. Are you leaving because you were opposed to the money or me?”
She blinked, caught off guard by the question and his nearness. “What?”
“You came here tonight to take a class and have a nice meal. I was happy to help you do that. So, did you turn down my offer because you think the money comes with strings or is it because you’re opposed to spending the evening with me?”
“I—” She wet her lips. The way he’d said spend the evening with me had her mind conjuring pictures of him braced over her, his blond hair mussed, his eyes burning through her, and that sensual mouth whispering dirty, filthy things in her ear. Her thighs clenched, and she tried to come up with something to say that wasn’t, God, you’re beautiful, please push me up against this wall and make me forget my name. “I can’t accept the money.”
That answer seemed to please him. “And me?”
She couldn’t tell if it was the warm, smoky spices from the restaurant mixing in, but even the scent of him was exotic and dangerous, tempting. She wanted to bury her face in the open collar of his shirt and inhale. And possibly lick. No, scratch the possibly on that, tasting would definitely need to be involved. All her resolve disintegrated in the space between breaths. “I’m not opposed.”
He reached out and pushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, the simple brush of fingers like lightning rods touching her skin. “So if I promised you I wouldn’t pay a dime for the rest of the evening, would you agree to spend it with me?”
She swallowed hard, the notion almost too much for her psyche to absorb. She knew what he was offering wasn’t simply dinner and a chat. There was a ripple of heat beneath each uttered word, a promise. Her body was on board with this plan, whether her good sense agreed or not. Already, she could feel the flush of arousal tightening her nipples and making her panties cling. She hadn’t been touched by anyone since Doug, and her experiences with him had always been underwhelming. Just being close to this mystery man made everything inside her feel hot and alive. But it’d be stupid and reckless to say yes. She’d never had a one-night stand. She didn’t even know if she was capable of it. Plus, what if she really was boring in bed?
She’d told herself that Doug had thrown that out there just to hurt her, but what if there was some truth to it? Her sexual history was nearly nil since she’d gotten married so young. What if she hopped in bed with this guy and was completely out of her league?
“I can’t leave. I’m my friend’s ride,” she said, her voice thready and breathless from him being so close.
His smile was slow, sexy. “I never said we had to leave.”
She closed her eyes, his mere presence overwhelming her system and making her heart pound in her throat. “What do you mean?”
His breath brushed her ear. “Take my hand, and I’ll show you.”
A shiver worked its way down her neck and along her skin. Every nerve ending screamed for his touch, all the years of pent-up frustration surging to the surface and demanding relief. She needed this escape, this release. She needed to feel like a woman again.
When she looked up at him finally, the pure confidence and interest shining there in his eyes had her nerves smoothing. She knew in that moment that this man would never allow her to be boring in bed. This was a man who got what he wanted. A man who wouldn’t be afraid to tell her exactly what to do, how he liked it, and how he was going to have her.
Suddenly, she wasn’t so interested in sangria anymore.
Or sitting in the car alone to have a good cry.
She reached out and let her hand slide into his.
Maybe she’d scratch something off her list tonight after all.
TWO
After settling her at the bar, Tessa’s mystery date ordered her a sangria.
“Hey, you said you weren’t going to spend any money,” she reminded him. Not that she was opposed to a guy buying her a drink, but she was holding him to his word.
“On the house, ma’am,” the bartender offered as he slid the fruity concoction her way.
Tessa lifted an eyebrow at her date. “Are you the house?”
The corner of his mouth twitched into a boyish expression that almost looked out of place on his Nordic features. “Something like that. Will you excuse me for a few minutes while I get us a table?”
“That’s fine.” She lifted her drink in mock salute and sipped, the rich taste like an elixir for her nerves. God, she’d missed good wine. “I’ll keep this lonely drink company.”
“Lucky for the drink.” He looked to the bartender. “Make sure the lady has whatever she likes.”
“Yes, sir,” the bartender said with a quick nod as he poured drinks for other guests.
Before he could turn to leave, she reached for his shirtsleeve, a sudden thought hitting her. “Wait, I don’t even know your name.”
His smile was easy, pleased. “I know. Yet, you said yes anyway.”
She bristled. Well, hell, what did he mean by that? That she was some trampy chick that didn’t even worry about names before she let some stranger seduce her in a hallway? She frowned, her own internal answer surprising her. Shit. Did she care about his name? This wasn’t a real date. It wasn’t get-to-know-you-to-see-if-we’re-meant-to-be time. They both understood what this was. His name, what he did for a living, where he lived—did any of that matter tonight?
No. It didn’t. In fact, maybe it’d be easier if she didn’t know all that much about him. That’d make it easier to keep this casual and fun. No risk.
“Call me Van,” he said smoothly.
“Van,” she repeated. She got the distinct impression that was some sort of nickname. He wasn’t offering his last, and she wasn’t asking. And if he was going to use a semi-faux name, so could she. “Contessa.”
That was the name on her birth certificate, so it wasn’t a lie. But she hadn’t used the pretentious-sounding thing since elementary school and had legally changed it to Tessa a few years back. However, it was the perfect fit for her night off from her real life. Tonight she wasn’t going to be the recovering trophy wife trying to scrape her way through this new life. Tonight she was going to be a carefree woman who’d scored a fling with a man so freaking gorgeous, he looked like he could’ve walked off a movie set. And she refused to feel bad or guilty about it. She deserved this indulgence, dammit.
“Contessa.” Van said her name as if he were rolling it around on his tongue and tasting the flavor of it. He took her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the top of it while holding her gaze. “Pleasure to meet you.”
She swallowed hard as a hot shiver chased up her arm and down her spine. Man, he was good. Good enough that she should probably be running the other way. Men that smooth and good-looking were dangerous. But hell if she could bring herself to move. Or speak.
“Stay put, Contessa. I’ll be back in a moment.”
He released her hand, leaving her tongue-tied, and headed toward the main dining room. Tessa turned back to the bar to gather herself. She wrapped her palms around her glass to steady her shaking hands. The bartender gave her a quick glance and a barely concealed smirk. Jesus, she must look like some swooning twit. But this wasn’t even close to a fair fight. It’d been so long since she’d had a man lay his charm on her, and certainly never one with as much presence as Van.
Looking back, she realized Doug had never had to truly charm or court her. He’d won her with over-the-top flattery, pretty words, and expensive gifts. Things her inexperience had mistaken for love. He hadn’t had to work any harder than that. He’d been handsome and popular. A jock. The perfect match to her cheerleader. And he’d made her promises she was starved for—promises of security, permanence, and safety. A home she would never have to leave.
What a fucking joke it had all been. He’d wanted a wife for window-dressing. Maybe he’d loved her at some point, or thought he had, but obviously anything that had been there had quickly faded, especially after they’d tried to have kids and failed. She’d been stupid to believe marriage would give her some sort of instafamily, some place in the world. Marriage was a sham sold by fairy tales and movies. Of all her married friends, how many had made it past that ten-year mark? Probably not even half. And the ones who were still together, how many were fooling around behind their spouse’s back like Doug was?
She finished her drink and ordered a second.
No, this was better. She had her eyes wide open now. No starry-eyed love or misplaced trust mucking up the waters. Tonight she’d probably sleep with Van. Tomorrow, he wouldn’t call her. And she wouldn’t be waiting for him to do so. No expectations or obligations. No need for lies and pretenses.
In fact, the faux name was going to be her first and last fib of the night. If they were going to have a date, she was going to be one-hundred-percent honest and completely herself. Not the version she thought he wanted to see. She was done with all those bullshit games she’d played for so long. If that screwed things up, then so be it. He didn’t deserve to see her naked if that was the case.
A warm hand pressed against her lower back, startling her off her internal soapbox.
“I’m ready for you now.”
She wet her lips and set her drink down. The way he’d said it—I’m ready for you instead of Are you ready?—had made something flutter inside her. Nerves. Anticipation. She wasn’t sure, but the feeling was far from unpleasant. She turned to face him, letting him help her off the stool. “Where to?”
He offered her his crooked arm. “Follow me.”
They walked through the dining room, turning a few heads. She didn’t doubt the glances were for Van and not her. Something about the man called for attention. Not just his height and good looks, but some regal air that enveloped him. She scanned the room as they walked, looking for empty tables, but the place was packed. When they reached the back of the restaurant, Van led her away from the dining room and toward a door down a small hallway.
“Where are we going?”
“Up,” he said, pulling the door open for her and guiding her forward.
A set of stairs greeted her along with a chain that had a Closed sign hanging from it. She peeked back over her shoulder. “I don’t think we’re supposed to go up here.”
He leaned past her and unhooked the chain. “I promise they won’t kick us out.”
So he worked here apparently. Maybe he was the general manager or one of the owners. That last one was a distinct possibility. The man definitely strolled around like he owned the place. But she had a feeling he walked around every place like that. Without voicing her questions, she headed up the stairs. When she reached the door at the top, Van stepped past her and pushed the door open.
She sucked in a breath at the unexpected gust of cool air and the view on the other side. A rooftop deck spread out before them, complete with quaint little tables and a vine-covered pergola laced with twinkle lights overhead. On the far end, there was a long, rustic table with candles and a full outdoor stove and grill.
“Wow, this is beautiful.”
“Yeah, it’s my favorite spot in the restaurant. But we don’t use it during the winter months except for the occasional party.”
“Or for a random woman you pilfer from an online dating event.”
He grinned. “Exactly. But I think it’s warm enough tonight to not be a problem.”
“So we’re going to make some poor waiter traipse up here to serve us food?”
“Nah,” Van said, taking her hand and leading her forward. “You came here to learn how to cook. So we won’t need any staff.”
As they got closer to the long table, she saw there were little bowls of ingredients on the far end like they’d had at the event. She glanced over at him. “You’re going to teach me to cook?”
He cocked his head, looking playfully offended. “What? You don’t think I can cook?”
She let her perusal of him travel from the top of his head down the front of his black dress shirt and gray trousers to the tips of his clearly expensive shoes. “You don’t look like you spend a lot of time in a kitchen.”
“And you don’t look like a woman who’d spend her evening crashing a date meet-up. But looks can be deceiving, right?” He let go of her hand with a smirk, unbuttoned his cuffs, and rolled his sleeves up his forearms.
For some reason, the simple movement fascinated her, like she was watching his urbane shell being peeled back and revealing the real man beneath. She pulled her attention away from those big, capable hands. “So what kind of woman do I look like then?”
He gave her a similar head-to-toe assessment then met her gaze. “One who doesn’t usually break the rules or take a risk.”
She scoffed. “Oh, really?”
His smile was knowing as he grabbed a knife and cutting board from the counter then placed a wedge of white cheese on it. “Am I wrong?”
“I’m up here with you, aren’t I?” she said, challenging him.
He moved the knife as if marking a point in her favor on an invisible scoreboard. “Touché.”
Following his lead, she grabbed a loaf of crusty bread and another knife to start slicing it. “So you admit you’re a risk?”
Before she could cut into the bread, he laid his hand on hers, stilling her movements. “Don’t use that knife. You need a serrated one for that kind of bread.”
She glanced down at his hand on hers, the warmth of his touch a little too welcome. “Oh, right.”
He replaced the knife with one that had a jagged edge. “And I’m no more of a risk than going to the dating event and sitting with a stranger.”
“So this is a date?”
He took one of the slices of bread, placed a piece of cheese atop it, and then held it in front of her lips. She opened her mouth and let him feed her a bite of bread and cheese. He was so close now, she could see the flecks of green mixing with the blue in his eyes. Somehow he managed to both intimidate and cajole in one simple look. “It’s whatever you want it to be, Contessa.”
The salty cheese hit her taste buds, and she had to remind herself to chew, to breathe.
“Good?” he asked.
She nodded, though the movement felt stiff. “Manchego. One of my favorites.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “A woman who knows her gourmet cheeses but doesn’t know how to use a bread knife? Interesting.”
She was tempted to refute that claim, tell him it was a lucky guess, but she stopped herself. No more lying.
“I don’t want this to be a date,” she blurted out.
His forehead creased. “What?”
“I don’t want this to be a date,” she repeated. “Dates suck. It’s two people telling each other what they think the other person wants to hear and hoping they get it right. It’s a farce.”
He leaned back against the table as if giving her space to voice her opinion. “Okay, so what would you like this to be?”
“Let’s make this an un-date. No fronts, no lies, and no ridiculous promises to call the next day. You didn’t invite me up here because you think I could be some perfect match for your future. And I didn’t come up here for that either.”
He’d been watching her with equal parts amusement and intrigue, but now a flicker of something else edged in, something that made her insides flip over. “So what did you come up here for, Contessa?”
Well, here it was, her opportunity to put her money where her mouth was and be blatantly honest. He was probably going to run, but so be it if he did. “A year ago, I walked in on my husband cheating with my best friend. Instead of even pretending to be sorry, he proceeded to give me a long list of my faults and told me to get used to his affairs.”
Sharp disapproval flashed over Van’s features.
But she didn’t let his reaction stop her. She needed to lay it all out there. “I left him, my life blew up, and now I’m putting the pieces back in place. I’m not looking to date anyone. I’m not looking for love or even a boyfriend. I came up here tonight because I haven’t felt desire in a long time, and you made me feel that in the hallway.”
“Contessa—”
She took a deep breath. “I came up here to use you, Van. To be used. I need a night off from … all of it.”
The shift in his expression was enough to have any remaining words shriveling in her throat. All traces of his sympathy over her story had vanished and in its place, unadulterated lust took root. “Text your friend and tell her you’ve found a ride. I’ll have your keys sent down to her.”
The command in his voice rippled through her. “But I—”
He pushed off the table and stood in front of her, cupping her chin. “You told me your reasons, now do you want to hear mine? I brought you up here because from the moment you walked into the restaurant tonight, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I would’ve sat through a cooking class about dishes I created just to be next to you. Let me give you your night off.”
She was jittery in his grasp, her body literally vibrating with the need for him to touch her more. “But the cooking class still has two hours left. We could—”
He pressed a finger against his lips. “I promise I’ll need more than two hours. I haven’t even given you your first lesson yet.”
Her heart was thumping and blood was roaring through her veins, heating all the best spots. She couldn’t do this, right? She didn’t even know this guy. Considering a quickie with him had been risky enough. But sending her ride home and spending the whole night with him was a whole different story. “I can’t go home with you.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips along her jaw, his blond hair falling forward and tickling her cheek. “We don’t have to go anywhere but here.”
Even the simple touch had her ready to groan aloud, her body starved for this kind of night. This kind of man. How long had it been since she’d felt so desired, so utterly seduced? Maybe never. Somehow, Van made it all feel so easy, so natural. Like saying no would be a preposterous notion. Even though it was the most logical answer.
But that logic angel sitting on her shoulder didn’t seem to have much fight to her tonight. No, instead there was another altogether deviant voice whispering in her ear. Stop denying yourself. You need this. You’ve earned an indulgence. A woman should not live by vibrator alone.
She took a long, shuddering breath, letting the temptation take her under. “I’ll text her.”
“Good girl,” Van said, the words she’d normally find patronizing like a hot caress against her. “I’ll make sure it’s worth the trouble.”
After Tessa had sent the text and gotten one back from Sam, complete with about twelve exclamation points following her OMG, Van left for a few minutes to bring her keys down. And he must have brought them in person because Sam sent another text shortly afterward.
HOLY shit, girl. U’ve hit the hookup lottery. Enjoy the condoms!
Tessa was still laughing when Van came through the doorway. He smiled. “What’s so funny?”
“My friend approves of you.”
He gave her a roguish grin. “I’m charming that way.”
“And she thinks you’re hot,” she said matter-of-factly. “That goes a long way with Sam.”
He laughed, not bothering to deflect the assessment of his hotness, and crossed his arms. “And what do you think?”
She lifted her chin, jaunty. “I think I don’t like cocky guys.”
He stepped in front of her chair and braced his hands on the table behind her, caging her in. His expression held playful challenge when he leaned in her space. “Liar.”
She raised her eyebrows. “How would you know?”
“Because you didn’t wait a whole year only to waste a night with some guy who’s unsure of himself.” He put his lips next to her ear, his voice turning dark and ripe with promise. “I may be cocky, but I’m not going to fumble around. I’m not going to lie back and wait for you to take the lead. I’m going to feed you the best meal of your life. Bite by bite. Then I’m going to fuck you. And I promise, when you wake up tomorrow, you won’t remember the food.”
THREE
Sweet baby Jesus. Tessa had no idea what to say to Van’s illicit promise, so she didn’t even attempt to respond. But she could feel heat traveling through her like an electric current, turning on switches she didn’t even know existed. She closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath, but that only made it worse because she got a lungful of his spicy scent.
Van pushed off the table he’d braced his hands on and straightened. “Still want to have dinner with me?”
She lifted her gaze to him. He’d made his intentions clear, and he was giving her an out. This was her chance to go back to the safety of her apartment where there would be no handsome strangers making her feel vulnerable and off-balance, where there would be no risk of her embarrassing herself, and no dreaded walk of shame to face in the morning. But as she stared back at him, she knew she’d suffer one thing if she walked away now. Regret.
Because no man had ever caused such a visceral response in her or inspired such primal need. And she knew instinctively that he wasn’t writing checks he couldn’t sign. He was promising her the sex of her life, and she had no doubt he could provide it. And maybe it was base and wanton to simply want this man to take her over and use her for their mutual pleasure, but dammit, she couldn’t think of anything she needed more right now than to let go like that.
“I’m very hungry,” she said finally.
His eyes lit with satisfaction. “Well, far be it from me to deny you a meal.” He extended his hand. “Come on, I still owe you a little Cooking 101 lesson.”
She took his hand and let him lead her to the stove, feeling as if she’d crossed some portal she couldn’t walk back through, like if she turned around now, there’d only be mirrored glass to tap. They both knew what tonight was about now. No pretenses. But apparently, he was still going to hold to his promise of teaching her how to cook. He grabbed a bottle of olive oil and a bowl of what looked to be nuts and set them on the tiled counter. He picked up one of the nuts and lifted it to her lips. Dutifully, she opened her mouth and let him slide it in. He took his time pulling his fingers back, letting them casually brush her lips.
“These are blanched almonds,” he explained, his tone soft in the quiet night. “They won’t have much flavor yet since we haven’t toasted or salted them. But I want you to get an idea of what they taste like before. It’s an important step. Taste your ingredients and your cooking throughout the process so you can adjust seasonings as you go.”
She crunched the mostly tasteless almond and swallowed, trying to concentrate on the lesson and not the way his deep voice was seeping inside her and dialing up her internal thermostat. Focus. “Why are they blanched?”
“It provides a better surface for the seasonings and they look nicer in a bowl. We serve these on every table with the manchego.” He turned on the burner beneath a small skillet on the stove then handed her the bottle of olive oil. “We’ll need about three tablespoons of oil.”
She scanned the utensils on the counter. “I need a measuring spoon.”
He smiled. “Don’t have any of those up here, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. Cooking is a lot about feel and developing your instincts. Trusting yourself. A tablespoon is roughly one swirl around the pan. Do three of those.”
Though she was a little nervous she’d somehow manage to screw up the simplest of recipes, she followed his instructions and poured the oil into the pan. “Is that enough?”
“Yep, now wait for the oil to shimmer a little and then you can dump the almonds in. Extra virgin olive oil has a low smoke point. It can burn or catch fire quicker than other oils, so don’t use it on too high of a heat and put your ingredients in before it starts smoking.”
She felt like she was the one with the low smoke point. A few more touches and heated glances from him and she was sure she’d catch flame, too.
When the oil started to glisten and slide easily around the pan, he gave her a little nod, and she poured the almonds in. He stepped behind her, put a hand to her waist, and reached around to give the nuts a quick stir with a wooden spoon to coat them. The smell of fruity olive oil filled her nose, but all she could think about was Van pressed against her back. He was so much bigger than she was—not in the bulky way like Doug had been—but tall and lean and honed. It made her feel petite and feminine in his hold.
She swallowed past the sudden dryness in her throat. “Now what?”
“Now we wait for them to get fragrant and golden.” He set the spoon down and turned her around in his arms, shifting the two of them away from the hot stove. “And we taste.”
He picked up the olive oil again and drizzled some on his fingers. She watched in fascination as some dripped to the ground like green-gold raindrops.
“People usually think of Italy for olive oil, but Spain produces some of the finest stuff out there. Good enough to sip like wine.” He lifted his hand to her mouth then ran slick fingers over her lips. “Or to kiss off of a beautiful woman.”
Before she had time to react, he lowered his head and captured her mouth in a slow, coaxing kiss. The fruity oil slid over their lips and mixed with the lingering flavor of sangria and something distinctly him. Her hands went to his chest, her fingers curling into his shirt. His lips were even more decadent than she’d imagined—soft and sexy and commanding. A vivid appetizer to what she suspected was going to be a very lavish meal. And it’d been so long since she’d been kissed—even longer since it’d been done with passion—that she found it hard to control her starved response. She craved more, needed it.
When he moved to pull back, she said his name like a plea.
Needing no further encouragement, he banded his arm around her waist as he kissed her again and backed her into the table without breaking their connection. Before she could lever herself upward, he lifted her onto the table and deepened the kiss. Their tongues touched and sparks seems to flare out along her nerve endings. She groaned into his mouth, overwhelmed by the all-encompassing response to such a simple act. Somehow Van had transported her back to her high-school days where everything was new and an openmouthed kiss was as erotic an experience as she could imagine.
She slid her arms around his neck and gave herself over completely, opening to him and surrendering to the moment. When he laid her back onto the table and unfastened the top button of her blouse, she was too far gone to worry about anything. She didn’t care that they were out in the open and anyone could walk in. She didn’t care that they were outdoors and only protected from the view of people on the street by a row of potted trees. And she forgot to worry whether or not she was in over her head.
Van finally broke the kiss to drag in a breath and worked a few more buttons to get her shirt fully open. His gaze traced over her simple lace bra with ravenous heat. “We’re going to burn the almonds.”
“I don’t care,” she said, slipping her shirt off.
With one swift movement, he reached over and turned off the burner, then he was back over her, holding the bottle of olive oil above her. “Take off your bra, Contessa. I need to taste you.”
She did as she was told with fumbling fingers and tossed the scrap of fabric aside. As soon as she lay back against the table, the drizzle of oil hit her skin, sliding over her nipples and down her belly. She closed her eyes and moaned softly, the sensual feel of the liquid against her conjuring images of Van taking himself in his hand and marking her skin with his release.
His hands trailed up and over her ribs, bringing oil with it, then he cupped her breasts, sliding his fingers over slippery skin and making her arch with need. He pinched her nipple between lubricated fingers. The desperate sound she made bordered on embarrassing. “Van, please.”
He let out a soft curse. “Baby, I want to take my time with you. But God, I can feel how near the edge you are already, and it’s driving me to the brink. I’ll never make it through a meal.”
“That makes two of us.”
He groaned and bent over her, taking her nipple in his mouth. The combination of the warming oil and his talented tongue had her back bowing up. Lord, she’d forgotten how lovely foreplay could be. Doug had been all about the end game, convinced that because he was well-endowed, that’d be enough for any woman. But size only went so far and getting to orgasm had always taken work on her part, a concerted effort. But right now, she felt like one stroke between her thighs and she’d go off.
His hand went to the hem of her skirt, slipping beneath it and gliding along her thigh with well-oiled fingers. She reached for him, her hands acting on their own volition, and gripped his thick hair, holding him against her breast and silently begging him to move his hand higher up her thigh.
He slipped free from her grip and lifted his head. “Just lie back, baby, and put your hands above your head. I’ll take care of you.”
She did as she was told and followed him with her eyes as he grabbed her blouse and wrapped it around her wrists. “What are you doing?”
“Exactly what I want,” he said simply, as if that were explanation enough. “I have a bit of a thing for control. You okay with that?”
A ripple of apprehension went through her. “I’m not sure. What do you mean?”
His lips curved. “Ever done anything kinky before, Contessa?”
She thought back to the time she’d bought risqué lingerie and a set of handcuffs to surprise Doug. He’d wrinkled his nose in disgust and told her to throw that crap out. “No.”
“How come?” he asked as he traced his fingers along the delicate skin of her forearms.
God, why the questions? Couldn’t they just get to it? She didn’t want to rehash those embarrassing memories.
“Because it’s for girls who try too hard,” she blurted, remembering how ridiculous Doug had made her feel as she stood there in that corset and heels. If I wanted to sleep with a cheap whore, I’d hire one, Tessa. Take that shit off.
Van came back into view, his eyes meeting hers, amusement touching his lips. “Is that right? Well, I hope I can change your mind on that one because you look very, very sexy stretched out and bound. But if you’re not on board, I’ll release your hands.”
Somehow the sincerity in his voice and the heated look on his face had her guards falling away. She found herself wanting to comply, wanting to be sexy for him. “It’s okay. I’ll try it.”
“Thank you.”
He leaned over and took her mouth in a languorous kiss, dipping his tongue deep and giving her another preview of just how skilled he was with his mouth. A moan caught in the back of her throat, and her hips lifted off the table involuntarily as need built low and fast. Lord, could she come from a kiss? Her body was begging for that to be true. It had been so long. But even though no orgasm came, by the time he pulled back, she was sure her muscles had liquefied and her bones had disintegrated.
He nipped her bottom lip. “Move your hands from this spot, and I’ll stop what I’m doing. Understand?”
Pulsuz fraqment bitdi.
